Will You Look At Me Too?

Part 3

******* KHAOTUNG'S POV *******
 

  
 
I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I can't freaking forget how awkward I felt all throughout the dinner having to sit beside P'Plapodd and on top of all, he kept on smiling during the dinner which shook my heart too much.
 
    
 
Technically speaking, we are friends. Aside from attending the same acting class for more than a year, we are both part of the same circle of friends. I just don't really want to stay too close to him or rather I just literally can't be near him. His presence alone within the same venue can make feel so much, what more having him near me.
  
     
  
I actually have a huge crush on him even before he became an actor. I discovered him as a guest on a cooking show before and for some unknown reason I can't get him out of my mind from that day on. I don't know if I really just have admired him because of his successful story or I actually happened to get attracted to him because of his undeniably good looks. Well, he, in all honesty just looked so freaking gorgeous cooking wearing an apron over his plain white shirt.
  
      
  
I am not gay in the first place so I just thought maybe I was just a little fascinated or attracted to him but then I was not able to help myself not to develop more feelings for him after getting to know him better when he joined GMMTV. He was so nice to everyone and my close friends all like him. He likes to take care of everyone especially those younger than him. He was actually fun to be with because he was also funny and he just have an infectious smile, like you can't help but feel happy too whenever you see him smile.
   
 
  
My close friends kept on teasing me that I am maybe just an obsessed fan because I love looking at him from a far. I kept on denying my feelings for him as I usually just tell them that I find him interesting, nothing more and nothing less. I have never been in a relationship and have never even fell in love before I met him so I really haven't thought about it that much. I actually even thought I would easily just get over him until I realized that I have already fallen in love with him too deep than I can even imagine.
  
   
   
There are only few person who know how I truly feel for him and they are Mix, First and Win. I didn't tell P'Ting how serious my feelings were as I always just refer to P'Plappod as "my crush" but I know that he already have idea cause I can't really hide anything from him. They all love teasing me and kept trying to make me get close to him but they are also the ones who have helped me a lot to hide how I truly feel about him. I only realized that I was already in deep shit because of my feelings for him after seeing him falling in love with someone else. Worst of all, that person is also a good friend of mine.
 
 
 
It hurt so bad that I kept crying my eyes for days. What actually hurt me more is the fact that Mix was actually right that it could have been me if I just didn't let go of that opportunity. He was right that because I was a coward, I have lost the first person I have loved without even being able to give it a try to confess. I have already regretted everything and I have actually been trying my best to move on and forget my feelings for him for more than half year already but here I am again badly shaken by him.
 
  
 
Damn it!! How can I act as his partner now?!? I am afraid my feelings will all just come back and worst-case I might even fall in love more because we will have to stick around each other during the shooting and to all the other projects that we will have to do as part of the promotion of the show.
 
 

"Oh God!!! What should I do now?!?" I mentally cursed.
 
 
 
I was still lost in my thoughts when my phone rang and it was my bestfriend First calling.
 
 
 
I hurriedly answered and was greeted by his cheerful voice.
 

******* Start of Phone conversation *******
  
First: Sawadee, my friend! What happened last night?
 
Khaotung: Sawadee...

   I greeted back timidly and heave out a sigh of frustration.
  
First: What's wrong with you my friend?
  
I don't know what and how to tell him that I feel so troubled because of P'Plappod.
   
First: Oh God! I think I already have an idea... Is it because of P'Podd again?
    
Khaotung: Are you free? Can we meet right now? Please..?
  
First: I am actually here in the office with Mix because of some work. Can you come here? I will be free after 10am. We can talk at the nearby restaurant if you want?
  
Khaotung: I can but can't we meet somewhere more private?
  
First: We still have a meeting at 2pm, let's just talk first while having lunch then after my meeting we can go somewhere afterwards? Sorry...
    
Khaotung: Okay... I really need someone to talk to right now. I'll be there probably after an hour.
   
First: Sure, take your time. I'll try to contact Win too. Just text me when you are near already.