Everything Beautiful [ Remus Lupin ]

chapter fourteen; apologies

As I walked to my room that evening, I noticed a faint glow under the door to Remus's chambers that made me stop in my tracks. I was still intent on avoiding him, but my worries over having done something wrong had gnawed at me all weekend.

The Quidditch incident had only added to everything else, and between that, Remus and Amaranth, I began to feel a bit overwhelmed. I needed answers, I needed him to talk to me, to say anything.

I paced up and down the corridor, thinking. Remus hadn't been out in three days, from what I'd gathered. I wondered if he'd been to see Harry after his fall, or what he'd done with all this time.

Remembering my conversation with Hermione, I grew determined to confront him and discuss that matter, at the very least. Even if he didn't give me the answers I wanted, he couldn't ignore me when it came to work and the students.

Taking in a deep breath, I knocked on the door as hard as I could. There was no answer, so I knocked again, practically pounding my hand against the wood.

The door creaked slightly ajar, and I pushed it open. I stepped in with all the confidence I had mustered in the corridor, ready to burst into complaints.

I stopped myself, however, noticing his limp body in the bed. Half of him rested under the covers, but his torso and arms were covered in bandages. His face was pale and hollow, and he seemed so frail.

"Remus I—" I started, shyly walking towards him, "I didn't want to disturb you,"

"Well, you're here aren't you?" He let out, quickly glancing at me before turning his gaze to the wall opposite me. He was cold and distant, none of the Remus I'd come to know since the beginning of term. Somehow, that stung a little more than silence.

"I spoke to Hermione after you had Severus cover for you," I continued, unprompted, "I think you should review your syllabus and have a talk with him,"

"And how is that any of your business?" Remus practically hissed out, still looking at the wall next to him.

I could feel my blood boiling inside of me. I wanted to turn his head towards me and make him look at me. I wanted to see him try to say those things without avoiding me.

"Your class is none of my business, and neither is the way you choose to handle it," I began, raising my voice as I stepped closer to his bed, "But I'll have you know that the wellbeing of our students is my business, and I will not have you idly standing by while one of our colleagues demeans and harasses them,"

Remus didn't say a word, he just sighed.

"If you don't plan on doing anything, Remus, I will take this up to Dumbledore myself,"

He shifted in his bed before finally replying, "I'll have a talk with my class tomorrow."

His voice wasn't as cold this time, just tired. I watched him, laying numbly on his bed, his eyes staring into space, big hollow moons painting under them.

"Did I do something?" I let out, after hesitating for a bit,

"What?" The question came out of his mouth dryly, and he didn't move an inch under his covers,

"Did I do something to upset you?" I asked again, stopping at the foot of his bed.

Remus sighed a breathy sigh, and he finally turned to me, exasperation in his eyes,

"Elaine, are you blind?!" he boomed, flinching slightly, "Do you seriously not see what's in front of you?"

"Is this why you've been avoiding me?" I pressed on, and he rolled his eyes.

"It's not all about you," he spat out, "You have no idea what I am, and if you did you wouldn't think twice about approaching me,"

"But I do! And I don't care, Remus,"

He scoffed, "You do, now, do you? So, you know that my bones break every month. That I could shred you to pieces if you saw me on a full moon. That if it weren't for Hogwarts, I couldn't hold a steady job. That people spit at my feet when they see me. You must know everything about it."

I felt hot tears swelling up in my eyes. He wasn't wrong. I'd entirely brushed off his lycanthropy from the moment I'd heard about it. To me, they were just scary stories my mum would tell me, and Remus had proven her wrong.

To me, he wasn't frightening or threatening. Because I never saw him transformed, and I certainly had never seen the effects it had on him after. I had no idea just how bad it was, and I certainly couldn't understand the consequences.

I'd been a pretentious idiot, and I hadn't been mindful to what truly affected him. But he'd hurt me, too, and I didn't think the entire situation was fair.

"You're right, but you're a fool, Remus," I let out, holding back tears of hurt, "I may never understand what it's like to be in your shoes, but I don't think my ignorance is reason enough to punish me. And if you think you're helping yourself in any way, Remus, you're not, because you're only hurting yourself more if you push away the people who care about you."

Still holding back tears and feeling a lump in my throat, I let silence sit between us for a moment. Remus's eyes looked at me with a glint of regret.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, briefly looking down, "I wasn't kind at all. I apologise,"

"And I'm sorry for disturbing you today, Remus. I won't do it again," I said sincerely, trying a small smile,

"No, don't be. I get in these moods because of, erm—everything, I mostly just sleep. Honestly, it's nice seeing a friendly face, despite everything,"

"I miss talking to you over tea," I confessed, and a smile formed on Remus's lips,

"I do, too. We should do it again soon, I'll make it up to you,"

"You better," I teased, before stepping to the side of his bed and leaning over to plant a small kiss on his forehead, "I should go, you need to rest."

I turned to leave before stopping in my tracks near the door,

"By the way, I saw Harry earlier today. He's doing alright all things considered,"

"Thank you, Elaine."

We exchanged goodbyes and Remus promised one last time that we'd have tea together soon.

A/N: This one's a little angsty! I hope you enjoy it, though, and can't wait to hear from you!