Under The Mistletoe

One Last Time

For the first time in my life, I hate Christmas and everything about it. I had plans to spend Christmas Eve with my boyfriend, Tom and his family, but just before the Christmas break, he calls to break up with me. He doesn't say why, only that he's sorry and it's over, and he refuses to see me since then. I also hate phones for the first time in my life because of this.

I look at the new dress and pair of high-heeled shoes my mum bought for me to surprise Tom and don't know what to do with them. With school closed for the holidays, I'm stuck at home feeling alone and dejected, because my family planned a vacation and left about a week ago.

I cry on my pillow for a whole day, then spend the next couple of days walking around town and observing people. Everyone seems happy, accompanied by family, friends, or boyfriends. The sight is depressing so I stomp back to my room to cry my heart out.

Christmas Eve isn't any different. I have the same plan of aimlessly walking around, only that this time, I put on the new dress and high-heeled shoes. Most eyes are curiously on me, but the only thing that bothers me at the moment is the pain I feel on my feet. I try to take off my shoes and miss a footing, then bump into a boy about my age in the process.

I apologise immediately and turn away, but he calls my name. I turn back to him and have no clue who he is, but he smiles at me as if I should know. We stare at each other for a few seconds before he finally understands that maybe I don't recognise him from anywhere.

He introduces himself as Chris and I'm still clueless, but he doesn't give up. He tries using the nickname "Goggles" and I suddenly remember him from my childhood days. I gasp with a hand over my mouth, then I hug him tightly. We were practically best friends and used to be so close until when we turned about seven and his family moved. I gave him the nickname because of his thick reading glasses, and I feel horrible for not remembering him. He brushes it aside and blames it on his present good looks and ditched glasses.

I laugh because he was a geek back then, and now, he could pass for a boyfriend. I look up and thank the heavens for the Christmas miracle, then turn back to him. We find somewhere to sit and get chatting. He asks about the town and our old friends, and I cheerfully update him. When I ask him about himself, he says his family has moved back because they want him to go to medical school here when it's time. I'm overly excited that he's back, and at this point, I wish that I could see Tom one last time and show him that I can be happy with someone else.

I wake from my thoughts when Chris asks why I'm spending time with him since it looks like I'm dressed for an outing. I feel embarrassed, but I see no point in keeping the details from him. I mean, he was my best friend for years until we lost touch, and even ten years later, we're still relating as if we were never out of touch.

After telling him about Tom and my breakup, I expect sympathy and possibly another hug, but I don't get any. Instead, he tells me that no one is responsible for my happiness but myself and that I can actually enjoy my Christmas by giving others hope.

I hate to admit that he makes sense, but I'm not interested in giving anyone hope when I don't have any to spare. I let him know this, and somehow, he convinces me to join him at a medical institute for patients with terminal diseases where he would be volunteering for the holidays. I see that as an extremely boring way to spend the day, but it beats walking around town or crying my heart out, so I agree to follow him.

The institute gives me chills when I get in. It's set up for Christmas with a huge, nicely decorated tree and carols playing in the background, but there's a certain sadness about the place. Visitors troop in and out, both old and young, some in tears and others without expression, and Chris explains that most of them come in daily to stay with their loved ones before their time is up. I feel my tummy churn, then realise that there's actually more to life than feeling sad about a breakup and cancelled Christmas Eve plans.

When Chris starts his rounds, I follow him from room to room, as he consoles those who are alone and need someone to talk to after their family or friends leave for the day. I watch them each time and fight back my tears.

I'm in a state when Chris is done for the evening and he asks if I want to get something to eat at the cafeteria. I'm hungry but I don't think I can eat knowing that all the patients in the institute cannot be treated or saved. I follow him nonetheless, and when we get there, I freeze. On a table not too far from the entrance sits a familiar face surrounded by family members. It's Tom, and he's in a patient's robe. It's at this moment that I understand the unexpected phone breakup and why he didn't want to see me.

Without saying anything to Chris, I run to Tom's table and fling myself on him. No questions asked and no explanations given, he gets up and holds me, as we both cry into each other's arms. Though it's not how I had wanted it, I do get my wish to see him one last time.