Anonymous

Chapter-3

It’s lunch now.

I usually sit alone, eat alone, in silence.

I like it that way, I find peace in it, there is something very different in the peace found among regular chaos.

Sometimes, I listen to poems. Sometimes, I listen to songs.

It helps me avoid the emptiness which surrounds me.

As it tries to engulf me, I push it away, I fight it  with all I have, with all the universe has given me to fight with.

They are very small, but they are indeed my power, they are what I live for. And for all I know,  I know that they matter a lot more than people’s regular concern about materialistic world. They are what people come back to , at worse of their time, to find peace.

Believe me or not, old and calming songs, rainy days and second-handed books are indeed those things people find peace in.

It’s usually a random person’s kindness or an artist or a book or a song , discovered at the lowest point of  life which makes people want to live.

No one lives for Dior’s next collection because they will continue to come by as you grow old and wither away, it doesn’t matter what other’s wear or what others think of what you wear. At the end of the day, you come home to yourself and you need to have peace with yourself to continue to live. And if you don’t please yourself and continue to please others, you would eventually lose yourself.

From what I know, a lot of people will only look at you when you shine  and being with them doesn’t make sense at all. It’s simply toxic.

As much as I like the stars, I appreciate the darkness more. The stars are very far away from us and we don’t even know if we are seeing them as they are now or just a past version of them that they have left behind. Moreover, stars have the potential of burning us down and turning us into ashes, where as darkness hides you from the bad, it helps you hide when you are vulnerable.

Unlike stars, it doesn’t remind you that you are not special.

Stars  are toxic.

People who look at you only when you shine are toxic too.

They make you believe that you are special, when they are not even there. Moreover, colliding with them leads to destruction. It leads to self destruction.

They themselves are burning, and if you go near them, they will burn you down too.

‘After all, you approached it in the first place.’

That's what they say when you are damaged, when you self harm yourself.

They say you are weak, as if burning someone else is completely valid.

I feel comfort in darkness. I bet a lot of people do. I get to be honest with me without anyone seeing, and not only me, the darkness gives comforts to everyone. 

When I was younger, I liked stars too.

After all, in a sky filled with darkness, anyone would pick the diamond like stars. They are pretty.

It takes a lot of time to discover that darkness had protected you for this long, and that it still does and it will continue to do so.

Before I wanted to become as pretty like the stars, but now being like darkness gives me happiness.

Now that I think of it, my class teacher is like darkness too, always there somewhere, comforting and kind.
Maybe that’s why I like her.