Anonymous

Chapter 1

Eyes, pretty eyes.

Your eyes are tired, honey
give them some rest
Stop for sometime.
let the things inside you
settle down for a bit
Your eyes, those very
beautiful eyes of yours,
they need rest.
Sleep.
Only so that the next day
when they wake up,
they can control the storm.

That’s that.
I wonder who wrote that.
Up to the line sleep, I can relate. But after that , I don't know what kind of storm they are talking about. I want to ask the poet whether they think carrying life on, like it matters can be compared to controling  the storm or not.
I don’t know what I m feeling , but I don’t feel good. I feel like stopping for some time. Even if I haven’t done anything big or like anything at all, I feel like stopping. Just living has been tiring. Yet everyone excepts me to do something extra ordinary.

I wish I could stop. 

I wish someone could see that no matter how much i have slept, I still feel tired.

I wish to speak to the person who wrote that.
Will they understand?
Will anyone understand?
I don’t know.
By this point of my life, I don’t think anyone will.
Not like I want anyone to, I don't think I do.
I do want people to forget about my existence, my entire existence.
      ------------------------------------------------------------
A knock.
The door was open, I was on bed, my bed a little mess. Like me.
“What are you doing? Get up?”
“I will”
Cause I eventually will.
“Now” always that tone, that intimidating tone, filled with disappointment.
Cause I am a disappointment,  I have always been.
So I get up, cause I don’t want to be a greater disappointment.

It's Monday today, it's cold outside, my hands are cold, my feet are cold and I’m gonna head out to school, the same boring school where people are boring, obsessed with plastic in this plastic world.
Before going, I get into the shower. As the hot water hits my body, I feel a little better, a little out of the world, a little less tired, maybe it’s not much but it does helps me, it comforts me in ways no human has ever. They haven’t even tried, let alone become successful at it. Well, I  don’t blame them, I don’t think I’m worth their time anyway. It’s okay, I kind of like the quietness which surrounds me. I have been in it for so long, that it’s all I  know, and when I know so little , how can I know more, how can I expect more?

I got out of the shower, cold air hitting my exposed skin. It’s unnecessarily cold today.
I put on my outfit, we wear uniforms. Everyone’s like ‘I hate uniforms’ but I kind of think the idea is cool, at least it does promote equality. But I think we need equity more than equality, why set same judgemental rule for so many diverse people. It gives such a false sense of security and it's such a lie on the face by the system.
The school says 'every kid is unique in their own way’ and then proceeds  to make a report card with grading system based on memorisation skill of a child. Its so messed up, the system, the society, people, everyone. Everything is messed up.
I put on a light sweater as I go down the stairs, to the dining table and pick up a bread.
“ Good morning!”
So much enthusiasm.
“Good morning , mom.” I replied back. I don’t know why she cares so much, I sometimes want to tell her it’s not worth it. I am not worth it. But I don’t , because I know she will be hurt, she doesn’t deserve that. If she likes taking care of me, if she likes me, I am not going to stop her from doing that, whether I talk to her or not, at least I care for her.
I hope she can know that. That she is as precious to me as I am to her. I can never say it out loud, but I hope she can know that.
And its the most genuine feeling I have. Its the only happy feeling I have.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N : Thank you for reading.
         
I'll try to update per week.

It's my first book, so I'm kind of nervous, but all in all, I hope to do better.
I hope you like it.

Disclaimer : Its pure fiction and if it matches anything, it is purely coincidental.

Please don't steal my work.
                   
Thank you again for reading.
              It means a lot to me.