Alexandra Weasley: Book 4

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"I started to notice Lupin's frequent absence by then. I'd see him disappear once every month, and wanted any kind of leverage to use against them. So I investigated."

"For a Slytherin, you were hardly discreet." She said.

"I suppose you've already heard this part of the story. When I got back to the school, I ran to Dumbledore. I told him everything and he gave me tea. Calmed me down and then forbade me from telling a single soul. According to him, Lupin was not a danger to any student. If he was he'd never have been allowed in. But if I said anything, Lupin's life would be in danger, and I would no longer have a place."

"But Lupin almost murdered you! And what about Black? He's the one who knew, who was in his right mind."

"Gryffindor privilege." Snape said simply. "After that, the hostility between me and Lupin, Potter and Black grew. Lily didn't know about Lupin's condition and I couldn't tell her, so to her it was an irrational escalation. We started having bigger disagreements. She started to like Potter and I took it as a betrayal."

"Because you loved her?"

"That might have factored in to it, but it wasn't just that. It was also because he was a huge prat." Alex laughed into her bite, almost choking. "He hadn't changed. He'd just stopped harassing me whenever she was around. Until one day she did find us... in a confrontation. She realised he hadn't stopped the way she thought he had. She'd yelled at him, told him to stop and told him off but I couldn't handle her coming to my defense after singing his praises for the last month. I made my choice then. A stupid choice, a bad choice, but a choice nonetheless. I called her a mudblood and told her to leave me alone. I'd never seen her so upset."

"Well, duh!" Alex said. "However angry you were, that's a despicable thing to say."

"Yes, it was." He agreed.

"Is that why you didn't want me to hate Draco?"

"No. Draco was nothing like me. I knew the effects of my words. I knew exactly what I was doing, to the person closest to me. I knew how hurt she'd be and consciously decided to say it and hurt her. Draco thought it a casual sort of insult. Growing up with a father like his, I doubt he's ever understood the gravity of the word."

"Why would you call her that?"

"Like I said, it was a stupid choice. It's not a justification, but I was humiliated. I wanted revenge. I thought if people like Black and Potter were supposed to be good, then something was obviously wrong. I figured if the dark side fought people like them, then they must not be such monsters."

"That's dumb."

"Yes. Calling Lily that word was meant as a deterrent. I hoped it would keep her away from me. It was wrong of me, but it worked. For a time, at least. After we graduated Hogwarts, Lucius introduced me to Voldemort and I was taken in. There was the promise of a future. A future where I could practice the kind of magic I wanted. A future where after a lifetime of being weak, I could be strong. Voldemort praised my skills, made me feel special. Said all the things I wanted to hear."

"Did he recruit you or woo you?" She grimaced. Snape opted to not pay the question any attention.

"He provided me with the space and the equipment I needed and let me practice all the potions I could think of. All I had to do was brew him some in return. It started out as healing potions, along with some to challenge my mental acuity. And then it grew from there."

"You didn't see through it?"

"I was young, I was angry and bitter. I was taken in by the promise of power."

"So when did you become a spy?"

"It took me a year, I'll admit." He said. "I- Lily found me. Asked me what the hell I was doing. Told me to stop being stupid. To re-evaluate my life choices." He re-worded it. "She was marrying Potter and wanted to invite me to the wedding. I didn't go, of course, but I did listen. There was no room for naivety anymore, I knew what Voldemort was doing. I knew there was no justification."

"But you were still with him?"

"I didn't think I had any other choice. I made my choice. I didn't think there was any way out. But Lily spoke to Dumbledore for me, and we had a meeting. He offered me a job as a spy as a way to atone, so I took it. Slughorn retired that same year, so there was a potions slot available at Hogwarts. It would be my cover. Voldemort was pleased that I took the initiative to forward our goals."

"And the rest is history?"

"Not exactly."

"What does that mean?"

"What do you know about why Voldemort wants to kill Harry?"

"There was a prophecy. Voldemort got scared, and tried to kill the baby."

"Yes." Snape sighed. "I was there when Trelawney spoke the prophecy."

"Trelawney? You mean to say she's really a seer?" Snape nodded.

"Yes. And on Dumbledore's orders, I told Voldemort about it. Dumbledore assured me he'd find out who it was and make sure they'd be protected before Voldemort could get to them."

"You didn't know she was pregnant."

"No. I don't think she did either."

"I mean, I knew you were the one to tell Voldemort. He gave me some history lessons, I guess you could call them, but it's nice to have some context. Did you ever manage to talk to Lily again?"

"Yes. Once more, in fact. It was after Harry was born. She risked being out in the open to come talk to me, along with Potter." Alex scowled. "We didn't magically become friends, but we did acknowledge that Lily was important to us both, and that we could bury the hatchet and be civil."

"I'm sorry you lost her." Alex said. "I don't think I'd be okay if I lost any of my friends. Lily sounds like she was sort of your Hermione. With some differences, but still."

"She was." Snape said.

"I'm still mad that you were writing to Ashburn and that you never told me." She said. "But I don't think you're still a Voldeminion."

"You thought I was a what?" Alex shrugged.

"You were writing to a known consort of Voldemort's. What was I supposed to think?"

"If you'd truly thought I was with him, you would have told Dumbledore."

"Well, I was hoping you weren't. But part of me thought you might be. And Dumbledore wasn't who I'd go to talk to. You were."

"Were." He picked out.

"I- I don't mistrust you, I don't. I believe you, but I- I think I'm going to keep going to defence with my class. I just, I need to think for a bit." She told him.

"Understood. But don't neglect your eating and your health, please?" She looked down at her empty plate.

"I'll try." She promised.

A/N- So they've made up, sort of. I have to say, I'm literally loving this version of Snape. He's a lot more than an uncle at this point. He's like a father figure. So there's gonna be a reason why he's so rude to Harry. And I guess by extension to Neville, but I don't really acknowledge the Neville part of it. But there's gonna be kind of a reason. I mean, I'm not going to say Snape thinks Harry's the best student in all of Hogwarts, because that's taking it too far. But 🙈🙈
Anyways hope you guys enjoyyy.