behind the smile [tubbo au]

meal

T.W: description of food, description of eating, anorexia, vomiting

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Tubbo stared at his noodles. What should he do? It did look good but he hated it. All of it. He hates the way food felt. He hated the way it looked. He hated how it made him fat. He hated how schlatt had made him feel like this.

The noodles just sat all pretty in their bowl. They steamed gently as they slept in their broth with a side dish of a hard boiled egg that was cut im half.

He knew he had to take a bite but he couldn't eat the whole thing. He skimmed over the meal to find the healthiest part and the easiest to throw up.

With shaky hands tubbo picked up the hard boiled egg and brought it to his mouth.

Nobody noticed tubbo because of the jokes and laughter that were going around the table

Tubbo took a small bite of the egg and cringed while it slowly deformed itself as he chewed it.

Soon tubbo finished the half of his egg. 

"M-may i be e-excused i w-wasn't that h-hungry"

Clay looked at tubbo's food. 'How is he already full the hospital gave him nothing!?' Clay knew what was happening. Or at least a bit of it. "Yeah sure" he said.

Clay also put his bowl in the sink and went straight to his room.

He sat down in his gamer chair and thought for a minute. 'If I am correct then..."

His fingers made their way to his keyboard as he typed out into Google 'eating disorders'

He skimmed over the results to find what he was looking for.

'Bulimia'

'Binge eating'

'Pica'

'Rumination'

'Anorexia'

'Anorexia?' Clay moved his mouse so it would hover over the result before clicking on it.

He briefly skimmed the page, only picking up key words.

'Lack of eating'

'Bad for your health'

'Usually caused by self-criticism or another person's criticism'

'vomit'

Clay stood up in a bit of a worry. He ran to the bathroom where tubbo was to find him throwing up into the toilet.

-15 minutes earlier-

Tubbo rushed into the bathroom. He needed some way to get out of this. He needed some way to stop his pain. He needed to get this food out of his body.

Tubbo leaned over the top of the toilet and started to get rid of the best food he just ate.

Thats when his older brother clay came in.

"TUBBO" he shouted.

He pulled tubbo into a tight hug and cried.

Tubbo also started crying because of this.

"I-im s-so-sorry" tubbo sobbed out and hugged his brother tighter.

"Tubbo you could've just told me. It's okay to eat. Its okay to weigh more than 100 pounds. Tubbo i love you so much. You are the most amazing and kind person ever. Please don't do this to yourself." Clay cried. "If you want-" clay started again "-i have a friend who is a therapist."

Tubbo just nodded his head and continued crying. 'Why am i like this? I just got help. I should be happy.' He thought to himself.

So there they were. Two brothers on the bathroom floor. One of them worried for the others heath. The other also worried for their heath.

"I love you tubbo" clay said quietly.

Tubbo cried again. Nobody has ever said that. This time the tears were happy though. Tubbo finally though for the first time.

'Maybe food isnt so bad'