I try to find you but my words do not reach you ...
I look for you in the dark closed night
of your current indifference
I arm myself with the memories of a love so sweet, so simple, so full
While your new being disarms me with lies, with deceptions, with absence ...
I try to find you because still, from the bottom, sometimes you look out
You run away to meet me, vulnerable and simple, kind and warm ...
Sweet companion of my soul, I look for you to treasure you, to hug you, to love you
But you escape from my hands like sand, like water, like air ...
You seem immaterial to me. Maybe I have imagined or dreamed you ...
Maybe you were another lie that I wanted to believe because I needed it
Maybe the routine, maybe the pain, maybe the misunderstandings were the cause. Probably pride ...
Maybe heartbreak.
And yet, sometimes, you resurface your new self
And he allows me to have you again, a short time, only a few days maybe ... And for that promise I wait for you ...
Time has passed and I feel less and less of you. I'm still waiting for you ...
And in your place now there is only that man who treats me like a stranger, like an enemy
And I can't understand so much resentment, so much disdain, so much passion just to hurt my soul ...
And it makes me desperate. And it infuriates me. Sometimes I would like to break the world, hit life ... It exhausts me
And here I have continued waiting for you for a long time but each time the wait gets longer, more painful, more hopeless ...
But suddenly I understand that something in me has changed, I can no longer believe you, I can no longer wait for you ...
However, I'm still here, another love holds me back, other pains chain me, hers are mine ...
That love that was born from ours needs me whole, strong and firm
I no longer have the time or the strength or the desire to wait for you, to believe you, to dream of you ...
And yet one day you barely appear ... And I discover it again: Here I am ... I'm still waiting for you ...
Fabiana Elizabeth Agüero
© Fabiana Elizabeth Agüero
