The Depressing Truth ~Prinxiety Angst~

So, it's been a while.

As you can clearly see, this is the first time I updated in months. And for that, I'm sorry. That was never my intention with my break. My break was originally going to be just a few weeks, maybe a month. To give myself some time to not worry about the deadlines I gave myself. To write freely, when I wanted. To maybe get some stories backed up so I could afford to have writer's block sometimes. To deal with the writers block that I was already dealing with.

I want to continue this book. I do. I love the storyline. I'm genuinley proud of the story I have, and actually enjoy it. I go back and just re-read this sometimes becuase I truly like this story. I don't want the story to end. I don't want Virgil, Roman, April, and Ryan's story to end. But I'm not sure how well i'm going to be able to continue the story.

This story started out as a story for school. I had motivation to get it done whether I wanted to work on it or not. I needed to have a good grade, I couldn't just not do the project. I didn't have freedom to just not do it if I was stressed, or had writers block. So, I wrote. I wrote whether I was sad, happy, tired, energetic. I wrote, I wrote until I felt the story was at a possible end point. And then I continued the story here, becuase I wasn't happy with how I ended it for school. I wanted the story to keep going. So I kept it going.

But on here, there's nothing motivating me to do it if I didnt want to. There was no looming threat of a bad grade. I could publish the story one chapter at a time, so who cared if I didnt write all the time. So, when writing became less fun, and became more of a committment, more of a chore, I just stopped. I put down the computer, the phone, the pencil and paper, and stopped. I said I'd take a break. I said I'd come back. Becuase I wanted to. I didn't want the story to stop. I didn't want to stop writing. I fully intended to leave for a few weeks, maybe a month, then come back, 3 chapters ahead, ready to write and enjoy it.

But the idea of commiting to deadlines, the idea making myself write when I had writers block so I'd have a chapter out on time started to sound worse and wprse the longer my break went. I began to dread coming back. The break, the lack of deadlines, the lack of stress became almost addicting. I didnt have any responsibilities to write a story. So I kept the break going. I forgot about my stories. About Roman, Virgil, April, and Ryan. About the fun I had writing the story. I forgot about the ideas I had for the story to go. I forgot about how fun it was to spend hours with my co-writer thinking of crazy ideas and how we wanted each character to be.

Then, I fell out of the sanders side fandom. I stopped rewatching videos. Becuase that's all there was to do. There wasnt any new content being put out. There wasnt any fuel to feed my obsession with the sides. So I stopped obsessing. I moved on to other fandoms, other creators and creations. I still went back to the videos sometimes, watched new content when it came out. But I stopped obsessing over it. I slowly stopped reading fanfics about it. Stopped looking at fanart for it.

And I don't hold it against thomas in the slightest. Creating is hard. I mean, look at how my creation is going. And what I'm doing is nowhere near as hard as what thomas makes. I write out a story. I make plots and characters to go into those plots. Heck, most of my characters arent even mine, they're Thomas's. That's it. That's where my creation ends. Thomas makes a story, a plot. He makes his own original characters to go into those plots. Then he makes videos for it. He makes the characters "real people". He adds a visual to it. He gives each character a voice, an apperance, a way of talking, a way of acting, a way of moving, a unique personality. It takes time to do that. Much more time then just writing something out.

But My interests and obsessions change so often that if theres not new content that I can watch regularly and frequently, I stop being so invested. So, with Sanders Sides episodes being months apart, I wasn't invested. Which made it even more difficult to come back and write fanfiction, becuase I don't want to create something for a fandom I'm not really a part of.

So I have a question. Im thinking about changing the names of Virgil and Roman back to their original names, wich were Neo and Jack, and change remus's name to something else (I'm not goingto change dolian's name becuase deceits canon name is janus), making this story no longer a fanfic or prinxiety, but instead an original story. If I did this, would anyone be upset by it? I of course will have to talk to my co-writer about this, but I also want your guys's opinion on it.