His Darkest Secret

The Rockstar, The Music & Her

He watched her from his car, laughing, smiling, she ran into her mother's arms both laughing as they fall into the grass. It brought to a small smile to his rough face, he didn't know why he kept visiting them every year or so but he felt like he had too he reached in the back seat and picked up a box and put it in his lap... He looked up at the two again, why was he hesitating? "Fuck it." he reached back again and pulled out his guitar then finally got out of his car walking towards the mother and child. The little girl was the first to notice him.

"Johnny!" 

"Heh.. Hey kid.", Johnny popped a smirk.

"Mommy, Johnny came!", She ran over to the rockstar he went on his knees to scoop her up and hold her. He gave her a hug. "Happy Birthday kiddo, how old are ya now? 6?" She looked up at him with her hazel-green eyes, they sparkled in the light, he couldn't help but adore her.

"Jesus Christ kid, stop growing." The young woman approached them both and gave them both a soft smile. "She missed you." "Everybody does." Johnny said cockily because he's fucking Johnny. The woman brought them both inside the house, it was a small house, kinda run down, but overall it was home. Johnny placed the child down and walked towards the living room and saw a banner that read "HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY SARAH" he placed his guitar against the couch and placed the box in front of the TV. "Where's all the guests?" Johnny said as he leaned his head back to face the kitchen, looking at it from upside down. The woman looked over at him and then her daughter before giving him a sad look... "Nobody showed up... Either too 'busy' or they had other 'plans' it's always some dumb fucking excuse." she sounded very displeased "Go open your presents hun, looks like Johnny will be spending time with us again." The girl's eyes lit up as she ran to the living room, Johnny fixed his posture and took his shades off, his dark brown eyes visible. He watched her enter the living room then crawled up on the couch beside him "Let's see what you got huh?" he reached over and grabbed the box he brought "Open mine first, mine are always the best." The girl giggled and grabbed the box and began to open it Johnny was also excited but also nervous.

"Johnny I love it!" 

The girl held the box up at an angle to show that it was one of the rockstars guitars

The mother watched them from the kitchen she looked at them happily but had that sad pit in her stomach as she watched them bond. She never told Johnny that her daughter is his, she resembles him when she smiles, makes certain faces, her attitude for music... It just screams Johnny and how Johnny doesn't see that she resembles him just kills her or maybe he's still  in denial that he got her pregnant and refused to believe that the kid is his but yet here he is, clearly grown an attachment to their child. Johnny never usually has soft spots for people but when he does you might as well be fuckin' lucky. Johnny protected Sarah when he does come around like the one time he scared off a couple of boys beating up his favorite human.

"Thank you, Johnny..." She said quietly.

Johnny put his bio hand under her chin lifting her head up so he can see her face better, he frowns when he sees blood trickling down her cheek, behind her hair he moves her hair behind her ear with his normal hand to see the cut on her cheek. "They were mean to me... Saying bad names to me." A tear went down her cheek as she looked into the rockstar's brown eyes, his look softened and he wiped her tears.

"You're strong, kid. Those assholes will think twice before messing with you." He smirked and carried her home. "...And don't repeat what I said. I don't want your mother beating me up." He chuckled as he walked up the stairs and opened the front door.

The mother snapped out of her thoughts and noticed Johnny was playing his guitar and singing a song to their daughter it brought a smile to her face, she likes seeing Johnny in 'father' mode.

                                                                                       ----

10:00 PM

It's getting late, Johnny knew he had to go, he hated it, his next tour is a couple days away, he wished he could bring her with him but he knew the band would make fun of him for having a soft spot for a kid. He carried Sarah to bed and tucked her in, "Johnny?" she fluttered her eyes open tiredly and looked up at the man sitting beside her "What's up?" he poked her nose which brought a small smile to her face. "Could you... Sing me to sleep? Please?" she rubbed her eyes. It brought a smile to his face he fixed himself and laid against the headframe Sarah nuzzled into his side and looked up at him waiting patiently for him to make something up to help her sleep. Johnny felt warm inside, it ached him that this moment wasn't gonna last long either. He cleared his throat as he thought of lyrics he would sing to soothe you. 

"If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself
Everything I have found dear
I've not found by myself
Try and sometimes you'll succeed
To make this man of me
All my stolen missing parts
I've no need for anymore"

He began singing Future Days, he heard her mother sing it to her but he didn't like how she sung it. He sang as calm and quietly he could.. It's new to him since he's more of the hardcore type but he went with the flow.

"I believe

And I believe 'cause I can see
Our future days
Days of you and me.."

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around you and felt you snuggle into his chest.

"Back when I was feeling broken

I focused on a prayer
You came deep as any ocean
Did something out there hear?
All the complexities and games
No one wins, but somehow, they're still played
All the missing crooked hearts
They may die, but in us they live on"

The Rockstar dozed off for a second, but he went back into singing for her.

"I believe

And I believe 'cause I can see
Our future days
Days of you and me"

He opened his dark eyes and looked down at the now sleeping child  on his chest, he smiled softly and brushed hair away from her face to see her peaceful state. He remembered that he still had to go... It definitely tugged his heartstrings. He carefully laid her back in her bed and tucked her in, placing his gift on her dresser he went towards her bedroom door before turning on her nightlight, he looked back at her sleeping state before opening the door to leave for at least another year or so...

His eyes soften, they watered up, but his tough guy act wouldn't let the water flow he let out a shaky sigh and looked down at his feet before looking back at her.

"So persistent in my ways..."

"Hey angel, I am here to stay

No resistance, no alarms
Please, this is just too good to be gone..."

He opened her bedroom door and closed it quietly, he walked out of the house got in his car and drove off back to Night City. He knew right then and there that kid means the world to him, he doesn't understand why he has the need to be there for her but he has to. He felt the need to protect her since her mother brought her home from the hospital... After a couple hour drive, he made it to his trailer, he pulled out a polaroid picture of Sarah and him on her first birthday.

...

A tear finally went down his face, he knew this trip he was gonna make can possibly kill him.

But the money was worth it, the revenge he wants is worth it. 

He put the photo on his dashboard. He sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel shaking his head in frustration "Fuck Johnny, get yourself together. You're Johnny fucking Silverhand!" He tried to hype himself to cheer up but it didn't do much he already missed taking care of her when her mother went to work late. He got out of his car and went into his trailer and went straight to bed. He looked up at the ceiling before turning his head at the photo he took of you in his car pretending to be him. He smiled softly and closed his eyes.

"Days of you and me..."