Warning: Lots of mature content and strong language ahead. Read at your own risk. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
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Love is a messy, painful ordeal. Amelia Harold knew this all too well.
After all, she did fall in love...
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She was still so in love with Ethan.
She always had been. She had never stopped loving him in all this time.
There was red hot love in her hate. There was sorrowful love in her pain and her hurt. There was silver glimmering love in the two years she had spent away from him. There was panicked, scared love when she'd seen him again. There was purple buzzing love in the way he had touched her again.
He hadn't just touched her. He had nudged her soul, bringing her back to life.
She slid to the floor pathetically, her legs giving out from under her. She hid her face behind her hands, her back against the cool marble of the counter as she tried to get her breathing in order.
She inhaled and exhaled, focused on the rhythm of her breaths but nothing worked. The slowly building panic attack racked the side of her skull.
"Oh god," she whispered, blinking twice to get rid of the two white dots in her vision.
Her breathing was completely out of control and she gave up trying to regain control, letting herself hyperventilate.
She saw him through blurry vision, sitting down beside her. She felt a warm pressure on her lower back, saw his lips moving but there was static in her ears.
She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer before her lips were on his. She felt nothing for a moment, only more difficulty when she tried to breathe but then he kissed her back.
It was warm and breathless and everything she had ever wanted. Her vision cleared and the static subsided.
She realized she was sitting on his lap. His hand remained on her lower back but his kiss was hungry, dangerous, all-consuming.
"No," she managed to gasp out. "Stop. Ethan, stop."
He obliged almost immediately, pulling away from her to give her space.
She scooted down from his lap and towards the other corner. It wasn't far enough. She got up on shaky legs and took a few steps back.
What had she done? How was she supposed to get back from this?
She loved him but there was no way she was going to tell him that. She needed to bury her feelings back in the box they were trapped in before.
He'd only push her away if he knew the truth. It didn't matter if him caring for her and saying all those painfully beautiful things was an act or not. It didn't matter how desperately he wanted her, she wasn't going to risk it. She couldn't hand her heart over to him once again and wait for him to shatter it into bleeding, glittering shards.
"I want you to leave," she finally said and her voice cracked.
Silence followed her words. The heavy, suffocating sort of silence.
