𝐌.𝐏. | Imperfections

chapter XVIII

y/n's pov

mattia<3

mattia<3
are you okay?

me
yes

mattia<3
you sure?

why did you leave:(?

me
wasn't feeling ok

mattia<3
so you're not okay

me
i am lol

mattia<3
you're not

you're being dry

what's wrong?

me
nothing

mattia<3
want me to come over?

me
no

enjoy the party i'll be fine

mattia<3
i'm not enjoying if you're not here

rather be with you lol

me
i'm not in the mood for sex rn

tbh

mattia<3
so?

we can cuddle

watch a movie

idk i just wanna be with you

tbh

me
ok

you can come over then:)

mattia<3
i'll be there in 10
read!

"hey." i opened the door finding mattia standing there. it was like 1 a.m and i just got here after dropping camila off. of course i already changed into something comfy.

"hey beautiful." mattia said stepping in and kissing me passionately. he closed the door after getting inside and he put me against the wall, still kissing me.

hello? weren't we supposed to cuddle and watch a movie? this boy...

i pulled back from the kiss and walked away into the living room. of course mattia followed me.

"what movie do you wanna watch?" i asked sitting down on the couch and grabbing the control remote.

"ain't we going to watch it upstairs in your room?" he asked.

"i'm fine watching it here." i responded glancing at him then back at the tv. "disney plus?"

"bet." he said sitting down next to me and snaking his hand around my waist from behind.

"marvel?"

"you choose, i'm fine with whatever."

i chose thor ragnarok because why not? it's a good one. one of my favorites.

"great choice." he said rubbing my waist up and down.

to be honest, i was testing him. if what he said through text was true, then... i don't know. but if he just wants me for sex, then i'm done with him. all i ever wanted is to have a whole relationship with him. and now this is disappointing me.

we watched the movie and he cuddle me up. i cuddle up with him with a smile on my face. we were actually going well, but it soon turned into a little kiss... then me on top of him... then a whole make out session.

i didn't even realize that. it was just so fast. but once i realized, anger ran through my veins since he started this.

"no." i pulled away from the kiss and got off him. "see? that's the thing i don't like."

"what do you mean?" he sat up confused.

"don't you see? i don't want this, everything always ends up in sex and i don't want that. i really wanna have something serious with you."

he stared at me like not knowing what to say.

"do you?" i added looking at him. does he want to have something serious?

"y/n..." he said but nothing escaped his mouth.

"can you get out?" i asked him, looking away already knowing that all this was a waste of time.

"i'm-"

"just get out!" i shouted. he didn't say anything else, he got up and walked away.

after the door shut, i started crying. he doesn't want anything, he just used me for sex.

mattia's pov
it's not like i don't want to have something serious with her because i do want to. i'm just afraid to disappoint her. she has an image of me where i'm literally perfect, which it's not even close to who i actually am.

what if i fall in love and all that and then she just gets tired of me and leaves me... the fuck am i even saying? she's not brooke.

y/n's too perfect, i don't wanna break her. i don't want her to break me either. i don't wanna break my friendship with nico. so i think it's better to stay like this.

who am i trying to lie? i really wanna be with her. i feel some type of way when i'm around her and i like that feeling. being close to her calms me. i can't imagine when i'm actually in a relationship with her. telling everyone that she's my girlfriend.

or imagine the things we can do as a couple. not just sex, but cuddling, kissing, hugging, laughing, smiling, going out to dates, walking around holding hands, walking down the hall of the school holding hands and showing around the beautiful girl i have. i really want that.

just the thought of it makes me proud of having such a perfect girlfriend. just the thought of it makes me wanna yell out who's my girlfriend.

and i fucked up that possibility. the possibility of making her my girlfriend. she probably hates me right now.

even thought i had that chance, what's gonna happen with nico? we all know that he's not gonna like the idea of me dating his little sister. he's gonna hate me for the rest of my life and he's not gonna approve our relationship, i know he's gonna make us break up.

y/n's pov
the next day, there wasn't school obviously, so i literally did nothing. mattia and what happened yesterday was flying around my mind.

anger yet sad thoughts i was having. angry because mattia used me, but sad because it actually end up being like that.

i thought he was different to be honest.

iMessage • now
mattia<3
can we talk?

i looked at that notification and didn't do anything about it. i didn't wanna talk to him nor was i gonna do it. so i locked my phone and threw it away, grabbing my control remote and putting some random movie.

NOTES
boring....? maybe?
no proof read