Only In Your Dreams

~1~

The blowing of my humidifier gently fades as I slip into the peacefulness of what I call the in-between.  Not awake, yet not fully asleep.  I feel the familiarity of the sensation I refer to as "routine" that occurs what seems like every night to me.  I find solidarity in knowing there is a place I can escape the harshness of reality; a place where I can feel myself in a different perspective; a place where I can feel him... 

As I feel the urge to reopen my eyes, I fight it as I remind myself vastly that this is how it always seems to begin; my eyes flutter behind closed doors, and my body wants to reject the unconscious state of mind I will soon be entering.  I force them shut as I feel my eyes twitch, knowing within a short amount of time I will be free.  Black surrounds my now tame eyelids, I breathe deep and sink further.  Finally.

                                                                                                ~

The black I witnessed before falling has now changed to a hidden gold.  My eyelids flutter open to meet a turquoise sea that crashes in front of them; sun beaming into my eyes causing a single teardrop to form in the crook of my eye.  It feels like heaven.   

I breathe in deeply the sea air, feeling the saltiness of the water spray against my mouth, and the cool breeze of the wind in my hair.  I look down at the water beneath my toes; the same sand under them as the night before, the same feeling of blissful excitement for what is about to come.  

I catch a glimpse of a tall silhouetted figure in my peripheral; heartbeat raising as a sudden knowing unravels within me.  I turn my attention right, over my shoulder to see directly who is approaching.

                                                                                               ~

He walks almost floatingly towards me, more beautiful than our last encounter.  Each step he takes he grows closer, his smile flourishing more angelic, his aura beaming with golden white light.  His top and bottoms are both of the finest thin cotton in which are almost see through, and his dark black curls fall against his cheeks as the wind dances through them.   He takes his last step; his eyes gazing down to meet mine.  No words are said; only feelings, and they are as loud and prominent as thunder.  

We smile a sweet and longing smile of reconciliation.  Our eyes never straying from each others as he holds out his palm signaling me to respond.  Without hesitation, I interlace my fingers with his.  

It's as if  two opposite magnets meet, attaching themselves to each other so abruptly that you have no time to blink; no time to respond.  His palm was made for mine, fitting together like they were molded time and time again over many past lives.  In fact, there is no time here,  just now.  Just us. 

                                                                                               ~   

"Hello Y/n"  He whispers, smile getting bigger once my name seeps through his lips.

I blush and grin as I look down at our feet.

"Can you not stand to see me?" His voice mutters smoothly, head cocking to the side in a  somewhat curious way.  He lifts his free hand to my cheek and cups it gently, lifting my face to his liking.

I lift my head and look him in his eyes.  His pitch black eyes, but hit by the sunlight, they tint a golden brown.

"Mmm" he sounds approvingly, a kind grin spreading across his face.

"It's been only a day but I feel as if you've been gone for years.  Why is that?"  I chuckle but deep down it hurts.  I can't stand the fact the only time I can hold him close is when I'm dreaming.  Is he even real? How can I have so much affection for a person in my dream?  Is he really out the-

"Y/n, stop thinking so much."  He mumbles, always recognizing when I wonder off in thought.

"I know how you feel, and someday I will find you, you know this.  You are my forever.  Even if we only meet this way for now." his voice cracking at the end signifying his emotions are similar to mine.  

The longing to meet one another after years of interacting only in this short termed unconscious state of mind is exhausting and full of heartache.  Knowing every little detail about each other except for the exact whereabouts in the external realm but know they are truly out there, tears us to the core. 

I sigh and give him a hesitant smile.  "I will never abandon you.  And if I get lost, I need you to promise you'll find me,"  I pause with tears welling up, throat closing with the blockage of emotion about to erupt.  "Okay?" 

"I would search the depths of the lowest cave in hell to find you again Y/n"  He laughs innocently as a single tear streams down his cheek.

"And I, you."  I smile back at him as he pulls me in closer.  Our eyes closing in-sync as we lean in to prove our unconscious and undying love for one another.

                                                                                                       ~

An alarm blares,  I pull back and look at him as we both know it's time to part ways.

"If it was up to me. I would stay here and never wake up." I mutter as things start to get fuzzy.

"Then that would never give me the chance to find you and make you mine.  Don't worry, I'll see you tomorrow."  He chuckles, and gives me one last kiss on my cheek.

"In your dreams."  I joke, swiping a stray hair behind his ear that was caught on his eyelashes. 

I feel his hand release from mine as we slowly start to separate, never breaking eye contact.  

The worst part is watching his figure dissolve into thin air wondering how he sees me disappear in return.  Slowly I come back to consciousness.  Fully awake, and fully alone, yet still remembering every word, every feeling, and every look we both shared as one  during the short period of time it seemed we were together.  

                                                                                                   ~