Only In Your Dreams

~3~

We stare into each others eyes for what seemed to be an eternity (but realistically it was probably only half a minute), before any kind of word was formed from either of us. 

"Hello"  He whispered in a slightly shocked but still confident tone of voice.  His dark eyes bright with wonder, curls tickling the sides of his temples just like they do in my dreams, and the single word he spoke filled with hope as a small smirk starting to appear across his lips as if he was relieved of a weight deep within his chest.

I stepped back in awe holding the empty coffee tray, still trying to process the situation I'd just blindly entered.  His expression faded completely with disappointment as I did causing a heaviness in my heart, resulting my fight or flight to kick in and without a single word I fled.

                                                                                                      ~

I'd just had the opportunity to speak to who I thought was the man from my dreams; to ask him the endless skew of questions I had running through my mind and I left, but here I stand outside of the coffee shop, empty tray in my hands, heart racing faster than an athlete, coffee dried and stuck to my shoes, and that beautiful lonely soul left inside the shop abandoned in the way I told him I never would.  I fight the urge to turn around and return to him as I keep walking forward, faster and faster.  "Why am I running away?" "Why won't my body let me turn around?"  "Why wouldn't I want to say anything to him?"  "What is he thinking?"  "Does he hate me now for leaving him?"   The questions circle, and replay in my mind like a broken record that wont stop.

                                                                                                   ~

Somehow I end up outside of my work building slightly less shaken up and thanking my auto pilot for knowing where to take me in my time of helpless need.  One step at a time strangely focusing on each one of them, I find myself safe inside the warmth of the school building.  

"Y/n, care to explain why and how you are almost 30 minutes late, no text, or coffee?  Isn't that what I sent you for?  You'd better have a damn good explanation."  I hear behind me as I sharply inhale and turn around in surprise.  I look  down at the coffee-less tray gripped tightly between my fingertips, and then back up at Mr. Sear standing in front of me.  An uncontrollable tear trickles down my face. 

"Ah- I'm sorry, I eh.... got-"  I pause.  If I tell Sear what really happened he'll have my ass for sure.  I decide to take the low road and lie.  "-I got into an accident on the way here, I'm really sorry."

"You what?, what happened! Did you get hurt?"  His energy shifting  from disappointment and frustration into a genuine concern.

"No, I'm alright... Just a bit shocked is all.  I'm sorry I dropped the coffee."  I say looking down feeling the ball of guilt well up in my throat causing me to gulp, and suddenly my vision becomes blurry with water.

"Go home Y/n, please.. Get some rest and cool down, I'll call a cab for you.  I'll have Cindy take your place for today, okay?"  He smiles and comfortingly places his big hand on my shoulder taking the tray out of my hands with his other.  

"Please, It's fine I can st-."  I try to argue as I wipe my eyes quickly but fail as he is already silencing me.

"No need.  Here."  He hands me his handkerchief and I dab the wetness from my eyes as a silent "Thank you" exits my mouth.  I hand the tear-soaked cloth back to him.  

"Keep it."  He groans but smiles with a happy smirk disguising the disgust of the wet cloth I was trying to hand back.   

"See you tomorrow Y/n."  Sear says as he slowly turns to walk away. 

                                                                                                 ~

This will be a huge deal tomorrow I can already tell.  "Y/n almost died, didn't you hear?", "She shouldn't be back today"  "I heard it was just a fake story to get a day off"  I hear my coworkers muzzled overdramatic voices in my mind as the cab driver puts the car into drive.  I shake my head to rid the negative thoughts and gently set my head against the cool glass window beside me, and as my eyes begin to shut a single tear streams down my face, warming my chilled cheek.