*1:45 p.m.* The time from my phone reads as I switch positions in bed so that the brightness doesn't tempt me. His voice replays in my mind over, and over again. "Hello" ; I groan at how vivid I remember his voice. I keep thinking about what would've happened if I'd had stayed with him... What should've happened.
~
I get lost in my head; in my daydreams of all of the scenarios that possibly could've occurred until I hear a buzz from my phone. Hesitating, I decide to pick it up to check the notification.
Message from Sear: Hi Y/N, sorry for the late text but Cindy is taking your shift tomorrow as well. Rest up and I'll see you Thursday!
For some reason I'm relieved but at the same time this just means more time in my head. I don't want to be alone right now, and being at work would distract me from these meddling thoughts that won't seem to go away.
I text back a thumbs up emoji with a heart and shut my phone off. I've decided that I'm going to try and sleep, even if it means I run into him.
~
The wind on the beach is cold tonight, and the sky is dark. It's never been dark here before. The hazy moon is barely visible as rub my eyes hopeful to gain better sight of my surroundings. He's nowhere that I can see and that makes my heart heavy. A part of me wishes he would show up to tell me he forgives me; that it's alright and he understands why I ran away, but I don't think he is. Not this time.
I bunch my sweater together to keep me warm and I start to walk down the beach. The wind gradually gets colder and colder as I keep walking and I hear nothing but the sound of my own breathing. Not even the waves of the water to the left of me are making a sound, and the wind has stopped blowing so now all I can feel is the bitter bite of the cold against my skin. Cold, quiet and melancholy. If I knew any better I would claim this to be a nightmare.
~
There is no time so I'm unaware of how long I've been walking for but it seems to be forever until I see something. It's a tiny light about a football field length away from me. My first thought is him, but as I keep walking it slowly changes as I see it's a home; a little cottage up on a hill with one light on in the window. I step up the stepping stones that lead to the house in an un-uniform fashion. Step by step I begin to see into the window more clear. The coldness of the air outside has fogged the window, so I bunch the sleeve of my sweater into my hand and wipe the glass gently. I look around the inside of the cottage slowly, taking in all of the bright vivid visuals. As I turn my attention towards the empty fireplace to the left, someone walks around the corner.
~
It is him. Black curls messier than usual, almost like he's been tossing and turning in bed. He isn't his normal self this time. He looks sad, maybe frustrated? His long sage green sweater pools around his lap as he kneels down to sit on the floor in front of the unlit fireplace. His profile facing me as I watch every move he makes, which isn't a lot. He just sits there, staring into the empty abyss of a fireplace in front of him. Beginning to blink slowly, he begins to cry. He lowers his head to face the ground and all at once tears forcefully explode down his cheeks, crashing to the floor. I feel it. I feel his emotions, and they aren't sad or even frustrated. They are saudade, loneliness and longing. He's must be feeling what I'm feeling at this very moment.
I tap on the window as tears form in my eyes, but he doesn't look. I tap harder and eventually I find myself banging on the glass. "Why can't he hear me?" I think. Tears trickle down my face as I continue to bang helplessly on the ice cold glass. "It's like I'm not even here." Several more minutes go by as the skin on my fist starts to break causing small bruises and cuts to form. I stop. Putting my palm face down on the glass, I lean my forehead against the coolness of the foggy window. Still breathing heavily from the tantrum I'd just had I begin to slow my breathing and lift my head off the glass to see him looking out the window.
"Please see me." I sigh, tears streaming down my face as I feel every inch of my being ache and yearn for our reconciliation. My eyes close as one last trail of tears lands onto the palms of the hands.
~
I'm awoken from the loud and startling ring of my doorbell. I sit up shocked and confused as I begin to wipe the crust from my eyes to make myself look somewhat presentable at whatever time it is in the morning. "Oh shit, what time IS it?" I moan out loud, forgetting that I turned my phone off last night. I turn my phone on in sync with the time I stand up out of bed to plop a sweatshirt over my night shirt.
*Riinnggg riinngg riiingggg* The doorbell sounds repeatedly without breaks. Whoever is at the door seems to be adamant on getting me either annoyed or my undivided attention, but before they can get another ring in I swing the door open.
"Hello??" I say, eyes squinted from the bright light of the fresh morning sun. I sigh when I notice that nobody is standing at my door. "Ha, nice." I sarcastically laugh, turning to walk back in but halting because I catch a glimpse of an object on the floor in front of the doorway. I kneel down in confusion. "Flowers? " I wonder...."Flowers." I repeat in agreement. Maybe they are from Sear to try and cheer me up. If so, He's really going the extra mile with this one, and they're my favorite kind too. Wildflowers with lavender...
I tear the small card attached to the flowers and open it.
801 N Water St. (3 p.m.)
- T.O
I frown. "T.O??" I mutter. "Who the hell is T.O?"
YOU ARE READING
Only In Your Dreams
RomanceUnconsciously conscious of the in between. The only time you can hold him is when you are asleep. Possibility of more chapters i dunno
