I hate you, but I love you

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You used to hunt with Dean and Sam. Then Sam goes to the cage, and Dean goes to Lisa. So what happens when he invites you over for Thanksgiving and you have to see him with her?

Warnings: emotions, language, Djinn magic, Djinn dying(not graphic).

Living life on the road with my best friends seemed perfect. Until Lucifer was set free from his cage by Sam being tricked by a demon. Then more angel drama happened, and we found out it revolved around the brothers because they're the true vessels of Michael and Lucifer. They fought it, not wanting to allow Michael and Lucifer to fight it out on Earth.

For a little while, Dean and I comforted each other, which included sleeping together on numerous occasions. It was rocky, and we weren't sure about it actually becoming anything. I had feelings for him, but he kept me at arms length.

But then Sam went to the cage, and Dean flipped out and went to Lisa. it killed me that he walked away from me. It killed me. Watching him leave Bobby's tore me apart. I tried to check in on him once in a while, but that only made it worse.

Today I'm stopping by to see him, and Lisa and Ben of course. Because it's Thanksgiving. He's mister family regular-dude now, so he invited me to come to their house. I fought with it, but he insisted and Bobby told me I should. So here I am, pulling up to his place.

After parking my car, I went up to the door and knocked. After a few seconds Ben opened it, with Dean a few feet back. "Hey, Liv." Ben said politely.

I smiled, "Hi, Ben. How are you?"

He moved to let me in and returned my smile. "I'm good. How are you?"

"Pretty good. Hey, Dean." I responded.

He moved over and hugged me. "It's so good to see you, Liv."

"Yeah, you too. It smells amazing in here. Is Lisa cooking?"

He pulled back and nodded, "Busy as hell, come on in."

I followed him and Ben into the house. Lisa smiled as we came into view, "Hi, Alivia. It's nice to see you."

"You too, Lisa. Do you need any help? I'm not too talented in the kitchen but I can try." "Sure, come here."

I helped mash the potatoes, and mixed up the mac and cheese. Dean teased Lisa about being so desperate to need my help. Ben set the table for us. Then we all sat down.

"So, have you been traveling?" Lisa asked in code, because Ben doesn't know that I am also a hunter like Dean used to be.

Dean scoffed, like it was a stupid idea.

But I nodded and cleared my throat, "Yeah, I uh, travel solo these days or with Bobby on occasion."

Dean's eyes went big for a second, "Oh." was all he coughed out. "That's nice. Staying safe, I hope." Lisa added.

"Of course." I responded and took a bite of my food.

All through dinner I watched Dean and Lisa. He looks so in love and happy. Every fiber in my body wanted it to be me instead. I miss him. I miss fooling around. I want to feel like that again. But of course it's her that he feels like that about; not me.

I hate that I still want him. I hate that I love him. I hate even more that it feels like he doesn't care. And he doesn't even realize it's killing me to watch him with her.

It makes me wonder if he ever cared about me. Or was I just a distraction from the world falling apart. He looks at her and it's like he's never felt that way - that he's totally in love.

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