𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 - 𝙝. 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙤𝙪

𝙨𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣

i wonder if things would've turned out differently if we had been friends. i don't know why we weren't. our lives were destined to fall and intertwine together, but no, we fought against it as much as we could.

i wonder if we had been there for each other, bandaging each other's skinned knees, holding hands as we ran to the playground, and if we had learned to love each other, would we have turned out differently?

i think we would have.

but instead we caused each other's skinned knees, refused to play on the playground together and instead, learned to hate each other. it wasn't a childish thing like our mothers brushed it off to be, because in fact, we never grew out of it.

as we grew, the hatred did too. teasing went too far and became too much.

nasty rumors we spread, terrible lies we told, shoves that became too harsh, so many things that harbored detestation.

in the end, i think it's both of our faults. we couldn't see each other and not feel the disgust boil in our stomachs, crawling it's way out of our throats in the form of words and powering our body to hurt each other.

the pot had sat on the stove for too long, boiled over the rim and came out, making a mess. but once the pot was removed, almost instantly, did the water calm.

graduation.

finally, a breath of fresh air. the window opened, the steam cleared out, and i got away from you.

you left, moved out for a while, and i stopped seeing you. your mom only occasionally stopped by, talked to my mom, and went on her way. you disappeared from my life and along with you, the rancor. every time your name was brought up, there was a lack of feeling.

nothing.

without you there, there was nothing to be angry about, no reason to have my guard up.

but now, you're back in my life, even if only at a distance, and i don't know how to feel. you didn't seem to recognize me, did our history mean nothing to you?

ha. how fucking pathetic, no?

now, because you've become attractive and you're not attacking me at any given chance, i feel like you owe me something. i want you to owe me something.

hmm.

just because what we did to each other is in the past, doesn't make it okay. but i think i want it to be okay. because somewhere during my two years break, i thought about you. and i thought about how think would be if we were friends.

we were meant to be friends. and everything feels like a century, here, in my head. and i hope you can forgive me, for feeling this strong, about a topic that i can't even bring myself to talk to you about.

because you seem to have forgotten me...

and maybe, i'm just tempted by all that i see

but i hope our paths meet once again, and maybe this time i won't be so cruel