Mac (Riders of Apollo #8)

Chapter Four: Mackenzie Grant

I have never spoken so clearly around her before and I am still gleaming at the idea of our conversation. Despite the heavy nature of it, I loved every second. She left a few minutes ago as our shift came to an end but I still can't believe she even offered to spend the time with me, she's amazing.

The amount she's done for Riley and for Saviour is astounding, I would be heartbroken if Reign gave someone else the credit for things I have done for him. I couldn't imagine being Eva and knowing that these people are using her good deeds as a way of pushing her out of he picture. 

Her patience is admirable. If I had an inch of it I'm sure I wouldn't have flown off the handle today, though a few of the men will be getting an earful the minute I get back to the clubhouse. It's midnight so the fuckers should still be awake, even if they're not I'll wake their bitch ass up. "Hey Mac, where you been?" Romeo asks as I walk into the lounge, dropping my pack off and sitting down on my chair with a huff.

"At the east warehouse because the lot of you are flakes." People laugh and agree at that. 

"Who did you take with you? You didn't go on your own, did you?" Bear looks concerned at the idea and I melt into my chair trying to avoid the question. I don't want to tell them because I can't handle the interrogation.

"No, I didn't go on my own." Why was I convinced that that would be enough? 

"Who was it?" Everyone is now listening, nosey fuckwits, and  I have to answer. It's a question from the Prez and I'm not allowed to refuse no matter how fucking awful this is gonna be.

"Eva." And the uproar, as expected, kicks off. The women come flying out of the pink room to investigate and I consider running to my room and locking the door, never to be seen again. The only problem with that plan is that Bear has a key to every fucking door in the building so he'd just open it and drag me out to put me in the hot seat.

"Tell us everything!" Lexie squeals, launching herself onto Bear while I think about how long it would take to dig to the centre of the Earth and melt to death. It's not like I can tell them anything, almost everything we spoke about pertained to people in this room - people who aren't supposed to found out what has been said. 

"No." I pull out my phone and start clicking away on it, listening to the annoyed groans at the lack of gossip. Thankfully, this time, they respect my privacy and move on to other things that I half listen to. It's nothing important since it's peace time so I don't really care.

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"When I tell you don't fucking leave until I get there, you don't fucking leave until I get there. Got that?" I growl at the two fuckers sat in my office. Forger and Rocket are idiots, patched members but still idiots. 

"Yeah, Mac, we get it." Forger salutes and I dismiss both dickheads so I can get to work. I draw up some new plans, times and rotas while watching some of the footage on the screens. I have access to everything from here, even if I don't know how it works. Romeo set it up so I just have to click a few buttons to change views and I've seen the buildings so much over my life I can tell which warehouse it is without being told.

"Hey pops." I look over my shoulder to see Reign stood in my doorway and I nod my head towards the seat opposite me. 

"Hey kid." I greet when he drops into the seat like he's been doing for years when something is worrying him. "What's wrong?" I put down my pen so I can give him my full attention and he smiles at me. "Ah, the problem is not with you is it?"

"I'm worried about you." 

"Are you worried about me or is your wife worried about Eva?" 

"Uh both." I roll my eyes and pour two glasses of scotch, sliding one across the desk to him which he rolls in his palm for a few moments before drinking it. "Bear says you were never like this over Deidre." I freeze at the mention of her name. I'm the only one who knows the real reason she left, everyone else is fit to believe that she just couldn't handle the life which is true in some capacity. "You never told me why she left... I just, I don't want to see it happen again."

I consider telling him, I should tell someone considering I even got out of telling Bear after my rage phase where I couldn't even look at someone without wanting to rip their throat out, friend or not. "I need more alcohol for this." I knock back two more shots of scotch and take a deep breath, ready to hash out my sob story. "I met Deidre in high school, we were together for close to two years before she even accepted my claim. Even then, she hardly ever wore the cut and she didn't want to get the tattoo until she knew everything was going to last. I thought that was normal, Lavender had done the same thing with Gears so I just brushed it off.

Until I got a call one day from the doctors at the hospital up the road. They said that Deidre had been there... she was twenty four weeks pregnant." Reign freezes in his seat, looking at me with wide eyes and dropped jaw, "she had tried everything to kill the baby beforehand, smoking, drinking, partying, drugs. But nothing worked so she stole money from my account and she bribed two doctors into signing the fucking paperwork and they aborted my child. I think she knew I would find out, it's why she took off so quickly and left her shit behind. 

I was going to go looking for her. I don't know whether it was because of the grief I felt for my child that just wanted to know why or whether it was my anger for her for having done it in the first place. I couldn't do it though so I let her leave, let her hide wherever she went while I grieved the loss of my baby and the woman I thought I'd spent the rest of my life with. You turned up a year or two later, I'm not sure, you'd have to ask Gears for the specifics but you helped me cope. It's why I'm so nervous around Eva, it doesn't feel like it did with Diedre. It feels better but also worse at the same time."

"You kept her cut." Reign states, referring to the parcel tucked in the back of my closet, collecting dust. 

"I kept it to remind myself to not do exactly what I'm doing now. I don't want to go through that shit again, I couldn't take it and I can't put Eva through my bullshit. I can't even talk to the poor woman, let alone be with her."

"But you want to! You even said it feels different than when you were with Diedre."

"I was so young with Diedre, age could be the only difference."

"Pops, Eva is a beautiful, accomplished, caring woman. She would never do that shit to you, I think you know that." I do know that and that's what scares me, instinctually I know I can trust her and that freaks me out more than anything.

Well besides the fact that I know I can easily find myself loving her more than I ever loved Diedre, giving her all the more power to completely destroy me.