"You know if you look away from him for more than two seconds he won't disappear." Mac states with a soft laugh as I continue to stare at our son like a creep at three in the morning. It's a good thing his crib is literally attached to our bed or Mac would've carried me here hours ago.
I'm just not convinced he's real, I can't help but stroke his little cheeks with a soft sigh. He was born a few weeks ago and he only sleeps for three hours in a row, I can't even find it in myself to care, he's just too cute. Plus, Mac does a lot of the early morning feedings so I can sleep but I still find myself up until god knows what time just watching him.
"I don't want to." I whine, feeling him press himself to me as he watches Miles over my shoulder.
"You have to sleep at some point, even he's asleep and he's a baby." I whine again, tempted to lift our baby into my arms and squish him just because I can.
"He's our baby so I can stare at him whenever I want." He laughs softly, pressing kisses to the side of my neck and tickling my sides. "Okay, okay, I'm sleeping. Are you happy now?" He rolls me away from our son and stares down at me, brushing my hair back from my face and kissing me heavily.
"I am very happy." He can't help but look at the little guy as well, just as smitten as I am. "I can't believe we made that. Well, you did most of the work but I was totally involved in the process." I laugh so loudly that he has to muffle the noise with his hand so we don't wake the baby.
"You're an idiot." I flick his nose the minute he takes his hand off and I roll on top of him, straddling his abdomen with an amused smile. "But yes, we did make him. I still can't believe it either, why do you think I stare at him whenever I get the opportunity?"
"Because you're scared he'll disappear. I do, too." We both look over at him as he starts to open his eyes, most likely raring up to cry. I lift him into my arms as he does the adorable little stretch. Mac moves me to straddle his thighs so he can sit and look at the baby too, stroking his hand over his head gently. "But he's not going to disappear, Eva. Neither am I."
My nightmares have calmed down quite a bit over the months but I still have that deep, ingrained fear that he's going to leave. It's not like he would leave Miles either, both of them would be gone from me and I couldn't take it. My life is so heavily based around the two of them, especially being this close to my three girls makes it extremely hard to convince myself that this is my life and it's not going to change.
I can't help but think that everything is too good to be true.
"Eva, stop thinking bad thoughts." He strokes my cheek then, holding my head so I can look at him, still cradling Miles close to my chest. His eyes are soft, knowing exactly where I'm spiralling because he does the same. He was so worried throughout the entire pregnancy that I'd just decide that this isn't what I wanted anymore and leave, with or without Miles. It broke my heart that he felt that way but I understand, even if it hurt me a little.
We're working through our problems every day and I trust him to the best of my ability. We've had a few sessions with the therapist, both together and separately, just to reassure ourselves that we're going to be okay. I've never been to therapy before and I was very wary of it but Peyton and Riley suggested it so I did it. I sleep better on therapy days.
"I can't help it." I mumble, flicking my eyes around the room to try and avoid the intensity of his stare. His hand trails down to my stomach and lifts my shirt to reveal the tattoo I got a few weeks ago. I'm a hypocrite after arguing with the girls over the circumstances of their tattoos but somehow I got the exact same tattoo just with a different name.
"My name is on your skin, Eva, your name is on mine. I'm not going anywhere." A few days after I got my tattoo, Mac went to Tatts and had my name written in cursive over his heart. I'm grateful that he never did that with Dierdre because it makes me feel safer and less jealous. They did have history and I don't think either of us will forget that but I'm his future, Miles is his future.
"I know... I'd kill you before you got very far. Either that or tie you up and keep you hostage." The thought of tying him up triggers thoughts that I really shouldn't have with a sleeping infant in my arms but I can't help it, he gets me all hot and bothered just by breathing. It's embarrassing but so, so good.
"I'm fine with that, baby. You can tie me up whenever you want." I smack him playfully for that comment before he reaches out for Miles and holds him close to his chest. I thought I couldn't love him more but when you see a battle-hardened Biker with your baby in their arms, you can't help it. It does nothing to soothe the tingling in my skin and the tension in the lower half of my stomach.
"Don't tempt me, Mr Grant." I trail my fingers over his biceps, still loving the way his muscle curves and I fight the urge to sink my teeth into them.
"I wouldn't dare, Miss White."
YOU ARE READING
Mac (Riders of Apollo #8)
Romance"Are you going to kiss me or are you just gonna stare?" As if he needed the encouragement, he slams his mouth down on mine in a frenzy, his hands moving from the counter to my thighs and pressing himself against me completely. I try and overcome hi...
