Complicated life story

2. A New Beginning

In the summer holidays before the 7th grade started my best friends already opened a group chat for our class, even though we only knew one person that would be in our new class, but she knew other people and they did the same son in a week we came up to 16 students. In case of that I already knew some of the people I am going to school the next 6 years, one of them was called Charlet, we talked a lot about the coming year and how exited we are about it, we became very close and I thought she was nice, and for the coming time very important, I thought I could trust her. At the first school day I thought I had a clump in my throat because I was so excited and kind of nervous. My parents drove me to school and that was the first time I would meet everyone from my class, the day was quite good, I did stuff with Kim, Charlet and some other girls I already knew because of the class chat. Everything seemed to be so nice and with the time I started believing that I honestly could get the new beginning I wanted, I needed after all that happened in elementary school and the stuff before, which I never were confident enough to talk about. My trust was used a lot of times in the past, so it slowly made me troubling with trusting people, but I trusted Kim and with the time I trusted Charlet to, so I did something I never should've done. One night when I was feeling down and bad because of the past and something very awful that happened when I was way younger then to this time, I told them my deepest secret. I have a cousin just 3 years older than me and he's a little sick, in many ways, anyways..., when I was something between 5 and 7 he abused me and at this time I didn't even realized what was happening I just let it happen and told no one about it, because when I realized what happened years ago time passed already, and I didn't have a good relationship with my parents or family in general, so I was quiet for years. I was scared that people could find it out and use it against me, how they did it with everything else in the past. So, this day, this night I told them about it, I texted them about it, I trusted them. I trusted this two people more than anyone else before in the past. I trusted these people just to find out that after two weeks at least half of my school heard about it. They made fun of it, because they didn't believe me. Honestly, I can't tell if it would have been worst if they believed it and made fun of it or didn't believe it and made fu of it, the only thing I was sure about it was that both of it hurts like shit. During these two weeks these two girls turned everyone against me, every single person. I started hating myself for trusting the wrong persons again, I gave myself the fault for everything and till now I have no idea how and why they did it. But the one thing I know about the publication is that after they turned my class against me and kicked me out of the group chat, they shared the text I send them about what happened. I felt totally weak and that I can't do anything to feel better again. I felt nothing. It felt like someone would've put a peace out of me, the most important peace that put everything together. I felt like I lost myself. I was doing so bad and my parents didn't even notice. I cried the whole night. I sometimes even cried at school because I couldn't hold it anymore. After almost a month the most people from my school heard about it or saw the text message I send to Kim and Charlet. It didn't get better, I felt like I wasn't even alive anymore just keep going. In November we had our first-class trip, the relationship between people from my class and me didn't change since the publication of the text message and the story itself. We didn't drive alone, our neighbor-class was going with us and I didn't know any of the students, so I didn't rly care, but at this moment I didn't know that this trip was going to bring a big change.