Against the Decalogue (Velez Series #2)

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Freedom.

It's such a big word to most people. For others, it means being able to do whatever they want to do, being able to speak whatever they want to speak, being able to buy whatever they want to want, being able to eat whatever they want to eat, being able to touch whatever they want to touch and being able to listen to whatever they want to listen.

But for me, freedom means being away from my parents' grasps. Years of being under their pillars was hard for me. I was like a puppet being controlled by the puppet masters: my parents. A decalogue which they have set in our household should be followed every time. Breaking it means treason.

How I dream to feel the wind of freedom with arms open wind. I would trade even my own identity just to touch it, to feel it. I was suffocated for so long, inhaling even such a bit of it would help me soothe myself. I am drowning in all the decalogues and I need some saving.

A day of chasing and feeling the wind of freedom wouldn't hurt, right?

Or that's what I thought.

"SUZETTE MATRIX! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! I SWEAR TO GOD, I—" my Mama's voice broke as she screamed so loud and her sobs ate the words she was about to add.

I am a very obedient daughter. I may feel like I am a puppet under the bidding of the puppet masters, but not even once did I utter any words of defiance. I am submissive and I wouldn't dare do something that will hurt my parents.

Kaya kahit naiingit ako sa mga pinsan ko na malayang nagagawa ang mga gusto nila, tahimik lang ako. Hindi ako nag-reklamo.

They know what's best for me. I am a daughter who's eyes aren't open yet. The dangers of the unknown are still not exposed to me. I am nothing compared to the wisdom and knowledge my parents have.

Pero umabot ako sa punto na sinuway ko sila. Surely, they will forgive me. Right? I am obedient my whole life. One single mistake won't hurt, right? Isang beses lang naman, e.

I flinched when I heard the intensity of her voice. My hands are shaking as I held my phone closed to my ears. Dama ko ang kaba, takot at galit sa boses ni Mama. Ako rin ay kinabahan sa kung ano man ang madadatnan ko pagbalik sa bahay.

Birthday ko ngayon. My parents planned a simple and intimate party for me but I decided to chase and feel the wind of freedom today. When I decided to go against the decalogue, I didn't have any second thoughts. At those moments, I just don't care about the consequences I'm about to face basta lang ay makalayo ako dito. And besides...I have someone by my side. I have him. That alone can make me feel tender assurance.

Pero ngayon na papalapit na ako sa bahay at sinagot ang tawag ni Mama at wala na siya sa tabi ko, nakaramdam ulit ako ng kaba.

A day of freedom has ended. What's awaiting for me?

"Suzy!" she screamed so loud after I heard her sobs. "Where are you?!"

Hindi agad ako nakasagot dahil sa kaba. I am now riding a taxi all the way to my house. Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana para pakalmahin ang sarili ko sa kaba. Buti nalang at si Mama ang tumawag at hindi si Daddy.

My Mama has always been soft-spoken and submissive. She hates shouldering big responsibilities because she didn't have the guts to become a leader, to become the 'ate' to her three younger siblings. Kaya kahit siya ang panganay, hindi siya ang nasusunod. But because of how a good ate she is minus her guts, her younger sisters still respect her.

My Mama is the eldest among the four of them. Lahat ng kapatid ni Mama ay babae. Tita Orabelle, the second oldest daughter of my grandparents, shouldered the responsibility that was suppose to be my Mama's. Tita Ambrielle, the third sister, is the carefree one. Siya ang sumusunod lang kung ano ang pinagkasunduan ng lahat. Tita Emanuelle, the youngest, holds the final say.