A losing plan

Chapter 10

You couldn't will yourself to sleep. It was stupid, but you wanted to enjoy every second of this night. You drew lazy patterns across Heero's chest, your fingers ghosting over his skin as you felt every dip and curved line across that small area you could explore without actually moving your hand.

"You should be sleeping," Heeru muttered.

You smiled softly at how his voice still sounded slightly deeper. You shifted slightly, your cheek brushing against his shoulder as you settled an inch closer to him.

"Someone has to keep watch and make sure you don't bleed out."

"I won't," Heero grumbled unhappily.

Your eyes shifted towards the barely visible bandages covering Heero's abdomen, the sheet having been pulled up to just above his hip and barely hiding the staining across the gauze. You had been allowed to take another peek at them, but there was little you could do about the four torn stitches. Cleaning and redressing the wound had sadly been all that you had been capable off. Heero hadn't allowed you to call Sally or someone else for it, still stubbornly claiming it would heal in two days time. Your worry, however, wasn't as easily silenced as he might've wanted.

"It's barely even bleeding," Heero continued when you didn't respond.

"If you say so," you murmured, clearly not believing him.

It seemed to bother him.

"I'm not going to die from this."

You sighed, your eyes once more settling on the newly discovered line beneath your fingertips.

"I know."

Heero was stronger than anyone you had ever met. He had been through hell and back and survived. That, however, didn't mean that you didn't worry about him or wanted him to be without any wounds or pain. The silence stretched as you discovered how far and wide the scar beneath your fingers was. Half of it was hidden beneath the bandages, so you were unsure how far it truly reached.

"It's from a knife fight," Heero softly stated.

Your fingers briefly froze before you slowly followed the contour again.

"Are you going to describe every gruesome detail about acquiring it?" you questioned sadly.

You wouldn't put it past him to do so. They fact that Heero had so nonchalantly summed up his scars only hours before still lingered in your mind. It hurt to think that these wounds meant so little to him. They had no purpose except to remind him of how cheap his life was.

You wholeheartedly disagreed with that. You had in fact blatantly pointed that out a few times while you had still been in charge of radio contact and Heero had been waiting for a retrieval team - one of the five times you could still easily remember.

"No," Heero grunted. Good. You weren't sure if you could handle that right now. "But I can tell you what it means to me."

You frowned, unsure what Heero was trying to tell you.

"What does it mean then," you bravely pressed onwards, even though you feared his answer.

"It signifies a risk I'm never going to take again."

"How so?"

You sighed, your fingers moving over the contour of the mark one last time.

"Five years ago, I had a mission in Porto. It was the third assignment where you manned the radio at central command. I remember, because you're the only one who never cared much for my personal mission objectives."