The Weight of the World

Chapter 26: Into The Night

 "It's only going to get worse!" I cried.

"Don't start this again." Ava pressed her fingers to her head.

"No, I think I will start this again!"

"We will figure something out," Ava said.

"We've been saying this since before we left the Atlas. My period stopped weeks ago."

"Oh fucking hell." Mike had just entered. "Not you as well, I can't deal with two of you."

"That's not how...anything works, really," Ava said.

I might have laughed, if I didn't feel so close to tears.

"Lesbian, remember?" I turned to Ava. "As I was saying, I haven't had my period in forever, and I bet you're the same, aren't you? You're the med student, you tell me what that means."

Ava didn't say anything.

"It means we're starving, Ava! And not just us, but the kids as well." All the light had left the eyes of the youngest among us. "I dread to think how that baby will turn out."

"If it turns out at all," Mike said.

"You would prefer that, wouldn't you?" Ava said.

"Fuck off."

"Enough," Ava said. "Let us stay away from the topic of dead babies."

"We won't be able to avoid the problem if we don't come up with a solution."

"I don't know!" She threw up her arms, walking to the other side of the room. Pulling her jacket close about her, she glanced about the dank flat.

Damp had long since eroded the roof and the walls, so a constant trickle of water filled the corners. Everything stank of rank damp and foist. It made it hard to breathe, let alone think.

A pile of empty cans and dirty rags filled a corner. I walked over, tapping it lightly with my foot. The rattle of tin on the tile made my gut ache. A dull rumble filled the room.

Snatching up my waterproof jacket, I zipped it up to the chin and flicked up the hood. "I won't sit here and watch us starve to death."

I tore the door open to find Ella there. Her dark skin had faded to a pale yellow, like parchment. I could almost see the light shining through her stick-thin limbs. A look like tears dominated her face.

"Is it true? Will Lacy's baby die? Are we going to starve to death?"

"Of course, not darling." I dropped to a low crouch. "I am going to find us some food, okay? Whatever it takes, I won't let anything bad happen to you, or to anyone."

"Okay. Thank you, Issy."

I smiled at her, and she spoke again.

"Issy, are you and Lacy not friends anymore? You shout at each other a lot. So do Mike and Lacy. And...well, everyone, really."

"No, it's not that. We're still friends, it's just...We have a lot to think about right now. We're all very stressed, and we lash out sometimes. We don't mean to upset each other, and it's because we're friends and we care about each other that we shout."

Ella nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

After that, nobody tried to follow me. Even had they tried, nobody had the guts to hold me back. To do what needed to be done.

They'd be thankful of it, one day. Thankful for me, rushing out into the cold and the dark and the rain, getting everything we needed, saddling all the weight, all the pressure. Nobody tried to stop me, because deep down, we all wanted to eat.