The Weight of the World

Chapter 35: Last Night

"They're all bloody dead!" Dead dead dead dead. "All of them."

"What are we going to do, Issy?" Cat asked.

My bloodshot eyes shot up, fixing on her. "I won't lose you. I won't. I'll die before I see that happen."

"And where would that leave me?" Cat's eyes brimmed with tears. "Believe it or not, but the sun doesn't shine out your arse! People exist besides you, other people matter but you!"

"Like I don't know that? What have I spent all this time protecting people for, if I think they don't exist?"

"You don't get it." Cat shook her head. "You can't see the forest for the trees. This isn't about protecting people for you, is it? If it were, you would step aside when you are out of your depth, and let someone else help! This is about you. It has always been about you."

"I don't understand."

"Yes you do. I hear you, you know? You talk in your sleep. You have to protect them. You have to be strong. You will keep us all safe. I know what you dream about, Issy. I know what the nightmares are. And it isn't worrying about when people die."

"I-I don't...I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I don't want anyone else to die, but I can't help it, and I...I, I,"

"Let's both just agree not to die?" She choked on a forced laugh, wiping away tears. "That sounds nice, doesn't it?"

"Nice. Yeah. Nice." I buried my head in her chest and opened the waterworks. My own body wracked with sobs, trembling against hers, held firm by sheer will.

Tears drying on my face, I looked up. Steeling myself for what needed to be done, I took a deep breath. Smoothing my shirt, I spoke softly. "They'll just keep chasing us."

"They? Who are-no, Issy, no. Please, no."

"I have to, Cat," I said, rising.

"No, you don't! Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yes, and this is protecting people. Properly, this time."

"No, no it isn't! We know you are brave. You are so, so brave, you don't have anything to prove."

"I don't care about that! I care about you all. Keeping you safe. I have to do something!"

"You always say this, thinking it'll be better, and you always make it worse!"

"Just let me do this, Cat!" I cried. "If they follow us, if they get Alex..."

"Fine." Cat sounded defeated. "But I'm coming with you."

I considered arguing, but instead smiled sadly. "I didn't expect anything else."

The others sat in a circle around Ava, cradling Alex. They looked up as we entered. Their eyes were red and damp as our own.

"Where are you going?" Albert asked.

"Back to the office," I said, patting my pocket. The knife was still there. "I need to make sure they won't chase us."

"You are joking, right?" Albert said.

"Issy, Albert is right. This is unnecessary, and a terrible idea," Connor said.

"Did I ask your opinion?"

"No, but the world isn't dictated by you, and I am offering my opinion regardless. How many times have you leapt into danger, into violence? How often has it resulted in a favourable outcome?"