GHOST OF YOU | BWS

fourteen.

I stand there in Brad's kitchen, my entire body shaking as I struggle to breathe. Charlie told Brad about me.

"Joy", Brad says, bringing me back into reality and I lift my head up again to see him trying to get closer to me but I back away, tears falling down my cheeks uncontrollably again.

"How long have you known", I ask, trying to steady the shaking in my voice. "How long have you known who I am?", I clarify now that I am not sobbing as much. 

Brad stares at me, pain apparent in his eyes. Pain? If someone is allowed to feel pain here, it's me. He has no right to feel pain about Charlie's death.

"Since the first time I saw you", he answers, his voice soft and fragile all of a sudden. "You look just like him", he adds and I snap again.

"You have no right to talk about him!", I scream, my tears still falling down like waterfalls.

"I know you're in pain, but-", he starts to say but doesn't have time to finish his sentence that I slap him. His hand immediately reaches for his now red cheek as he looks at me, stunned. Even if I didn't intend to slap him like that, I don't regret doing it.

"You know nothing about me or the pain I'm in", I say as he stares at me intently, his breathing quicker and shorter. "My brother's dead because of your gang", I add and the look on his face changes again to a mix of pain and anger.

"You think I don't fucking know that?!", he screams back, making me jump. "You think I didn't try everything I could to help him?", he continues, looking so furious I can't help myself but take a step back. "You're not the only one who lost someone you cared about", he finally adds and it's my turn to look at him stunned.

"How dare you compare my situation to yours. I lost my brother!", I yell, sobs doubling up again. "I lost the person I loved the most! You barely even knew Charlie!", I add despite not really knowing if that's true or not. It doesn't matter anyway. 

He has no right to compare our situations. In fact, he has no right to talk to me about Charlie. I can see he's struggling to keep himself from yelling something back, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he finally keeps it close, simply staring at me, his breathing calming down.

"You're right", he says, not an ounce of anger in his voice anymore. "I didn't know him like you did, but he was my best mate and I know he wouldn't want this life for you". 

My heart skips a beat at the sound of that. Charlie was his best friend? No, Charlie wouldn't be friends with a guy like him. But after all, he was in a gang without me having a clue about it, so what do I know? I don't know why, probably nerves, but I start laughing in between two sobs.

"You know he wouldn't want this life for me", I repeat, almost to myself before looking back up at his eyes. "Because you got to know him so well in the two years he was here that you know what he'd want for his sister?"

"No", Brad answers bluntly. "Because he specifically told me so", he adds and my ironic laugh instantly stops, the room going quiet all of a sudden. "He talked to me about you all the time, told me all about his beautiful and smart sister who'd be CEO of a company one day. He was so fucking proud of you and the life you were building for yourself", he continues and tears start to spill again.

"Stop it", I say, not willing to hear any more of it.

"He wanted you to have a successful life and be happy", he says, my entire body starting to shake at his words. 

It hurts too much. I can't live with this pain. Make it stop. Please.

"SHUT UP!", I scream, still sobbing uncontrollably.