GHOST OF YOU | BWS

two.

Today, I start uni. I should be excited, even nervous, but I don't feel anything. I registered to law classes to make my parents happy, and get them off my back, but I couldn't care less about the law. No one obeys it anyways. You can kill a man and get away with it, so why would one even bother following rules? Unfortunately, I know my parents won't hesitate to drag my ass back to Southampton if I fail my classes. So here I am, ready to play miss perfect student while I plan on killing a man.
As I walk to the door, I catch my reflexion in the mirror, and take a second to look at myself. I truly look like shit. The dark circles underneath my eyes are almost completely hidden underneath my foundation, but I don't think I will fool anyone. No amount of blush or lipstick can makeup for the months of sleepless nights I've been having. My honey blond hair falls loosely on my shoulders, not bothered to do anything with it. I didn't put a lot of thoughts into my outfit, and grabbed whatever came first, a pair of blue jeans and a white tee-shirt. I quickly put a black knitted sweater on, being September, not warm enough to not wear a sweater and not cold enough for a coat, and pick up my bag from the floor before making my way to uni. I decide to walk, my apartment being only a thirty minute walk there. As I approach the main building, I notice the groups of people making their way in, chatting and laughing with their friends. They have no worry, and sweat so much happiness it makes me sick. I can't help but feel jealous of them. All they care about is getting good grades, and upgrading to the new Iphone XX. I can feel anger take over me again at how unfair the world is, and have to force myself to look at the ground as I continue walking to the entrance door, to avoid looking at their happy faces. But just as I am about to reach the door I bump into someone running in the opposite direction, and find myself pushed to the ground.
"Shit", I hear as I look up to see a dark blond guy looking in the direction of the uni's gates before turning his attention back to me on the ground. "I'm so sorry, are you okay?" he asks me before he helps me get up. Because the day was not bad enough already.
"I'll survive", I say, trying hard not to get pissed at him. I'm about to leave but he stops me.
"Wait, I'm really sorry. I forgot my bag in the bus, and I was trying to get back to it before it left, and didn't see you", he says, and I scoff.
"It's fine, really", I say, hoping to avoid small talk and get to my first class.
"I feel awful, let me make it up to you. Can I get you a coffee or anything? I'm James by the way", he says as he extends his hand out to me. I look at him, and then at his hand, and for some reason, I smile. I don't know why, maybe it is because of how awkward in a nerdy way James is, but something about him makes the raging fire inside me burn slightly less for the spam of a second. I roll my eyes, but shake his hand, making him smile in return.
"Joy", I answer as I let go of his hand.
"Pretty name for a pretty girl", he says before laughing at how purposely lame he was being. Again, my lips curl into somewhat of a smile, without me being able to control it. What's happening to me? I haven't smiled in months, and James manages to get two out of me within minutes? I roll my eyes again, and we walk inside the building, pushing through the crowd of people. The loud chatter and busy hallways start to weigh on me, and I can feel my heart starting the speed up in my chest. I haven't been in a crowd in months. Hell, I haven't been with more than 3 people in a room in months, and here I am, in the middle of a crowded hall, feeling like someone is holding a weight on my chest. I simply can't breathe. I quickly turn around and walk back outside where the court is pretty much empty now that students have made their way to their class. I stop in the middle of the way, and close my eyes, taking a deep breath in. Fuck, why is this so hard? Everything makes me think of Charlie. Knowing he was studying at this university, knowing he stood where I am now is reviving the fire in me, and the atrocious pain that comes with it.
"Are you okay?" I hear next to me, making me come back to reality. I open my eyes to see James standing there, a worried look on his face. He's a good head taller than me, and I find myself looking up to be able to look at him in the eyes.
"Don't you have classes to attend?" I ask, wondering why he followed me.
"I do, but you looked like you could use some help", he answers, and for some reason, despite wanting to get pissed at him, I simply can't. Something about him just makes you want to like him. "New here?" he asks, and I nod. "Well, Bundle of Joy, let's get you to your first class", he says, and I instantly frown. "What?" he asks, innocently. "You don't like it? It has a ring to it, and it seems to fit you perfectly", he adds, not hiding the irony in his voice, before making his way back inside. What did I put myself into? That's what you get for being friendly. I follow him inside, and let him walk me to my first class. In the end, I'm grateful I met him, because I would never have found my class without him. He tells me he'll meet me there after his class, and I enter the room, knowing too well I am at least fifteen minutes late, and earn a death stare from my professor who tells me to sit in silence. I don't argue, and take a seat in the back, and get ready for a two hour lecture on contractual law, while my mind wanders off to the most efficient ways to take someone's life.
"The class's over", someone tells me, waking me up from my own train of thoughts. I look around me and see the empty class, the few last students making their way to the door. I thank the girl who avoided me the humiliation of staying there while the next class takes a sit, and quickly leave the room, to meet James, leaning against the wall, waiting for me just as he said he would.
"So you're one of those uh?" he asks me, making me raise an eyebrow, not getting it. "Staying until the very end to impress your lecturer?", he clarifies, and again, I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, something like that", I answer as I grab my class schedule from my bag. But before I can even look at it, James steals it out of my hands. "Free period", he says, his lips curling into a smile. "Perfect, I'm also free. I can show you around". I don't know if I like his forwardness, or if I'm just too dead inside to care about turning him down, but I decide to let him give me a tour of the school. He might be useful in my search for information on Reggie and the gang who works for him. I follow him around as he walks me through the corridors, from the cafeteria to the library, there isn't one room we haven't visited. I am socially exhausted, especially because of the fact that James simply never shuts up. He is a constant chatterbox, and after sitting at home by myself for months, that much talking is starting to play on my nerves. But of course, I don't say anything, because the truth is, James is a nice guy, and for the spam of an hour he managed to make me think a little less about how fucked up my life has become, and almost made me feel like a normal student. Almost.
"And then there's the gymnasium", James says as we walk outside along the paved pathway. The university is surrounded by grass and flowers and trees, making me almost forget I am actually at uni. Some students are lying on the grass, their nose in their books, while others are sitting in circles, smoking cigarettes and laughing obnoxiously. I can't help but roll my eyes at those students. We continue walking until we reach a second building, and my heart instantly freezes as my eyes fall on a group of heavily tattooed guys, two of them leaning against a wall, two others looking around them, while the last one is clearly in the middle of a deal. I notice the small packet of white powder the tall, dark skin guy discreetly hands to the other guy in front of him, both looking around them, probably trying to make sure no one sees them, before the guy leaves, as if nothing happened.
"Who's that?" I ask James, as I stare at the group, feeling my heart race in my chest. They could be the gang I'm looking for. They could be the ones working for Reggie. And just as I asked that, one of the guys who was on look out notices me staring, and stares in return. And despite knowing I probably shouldn't be looking at him like that, I simply cannot get my eyes off him. His curly brown hair frame his tanned face, tattoos covering his arms and peaking out from the neck of his white tee-shirt, indicating his entire chest must be covered in drawings as well. The short sleeves of his shirt are wrapped tightly around his biceps, threatening to tear with every new movement. I am so drowned analysing his physical features that I don't realize how intensely he's looking at me, his eyebrows drawn into a frown.
"Stop staring!", James exclaimed, finally getting me out ot my staring trans. He grabs my arm and makes us walk faster until the group is out of sight.
"What was that all about?", I ask as we enter yet another building, surprised at his sudden reaction. "Who are those guys?"
"Look, first thing you've gotta know here is don't fuck with those guys. Actually, don't even look at them if you don't want any trouble. Trust me, they're not good guys.", James says before looking around us and turning back to me. "Their gang is involved in some deep shit, and you really don't want to cross their way.", he adds, looking nervous to tell me all of this. "It used to be six of them, until one day one of them stopped showing up. I've heard their boss killed him", he continues, and my heart stops as I realize the sixth member of the gang he's talking about is Charlie. My brother is the one who stopped showing up. My brother was part of a gang. Those words echo in my head like a broken record. For months I had refused to believe the police who told us Charlie was a drug dealer, and got killed during a deal gone wrong. I was so sure they were lying to cover the man who killed him. Because how could my brother, my role model, the one person I admired most, be involved with a gang? How could he have kept that from me? When he came home during breaks, and told me about the great life he had at uni, the parties he went to and the stupid things he and his friends would get to to annoy the hell out of the bimbos in his class. He painted that fake life, and I believe everything. For the second time, I feel my heart being torn into pieces, just as I thought I couldn't feel any more pain. "I mean, it's probably bullshit, and the guy probably ODed or some shit like that, but still, stay away from them", James continues, but his words feel so far away, almost muted as I feel my head start to spin, and my vision blurs with dark spots. "Joy?", I hear, but again, it feel so far away. I suddenly feel James's hands on me, and the next second I am sitting on the floor, James crouched in front of me. "Are you okay? You're like super pale, do you need to go to the infirmary?". I don't answer, and simply shake my head negatively, waiting for the buzzing in my ears to go away, and my vision to be sharp again. It takes a couple of minutes, but eventually I am able to hear and see properly, my head not spinning anymore. "What happened? Did I scare you off with what I said about those guys?", he asks while I try to stand up. James immediately reaches out and helps me keep my balance. "It's just a rumour you know, I'm sure the guy didn't really get killed by his boss", he adds, thinking it would make me feel better, but it has the exact opposite effect.
"I need to go home", I say before grabbing my bag that fell on the floor a couple of minutes ago, and start running towards the university's gate. I hear James calling my name behind me, but I ignore him, and keep on running until I am home. It's only once I am inside, the door locked that I realize I have been crying all the way, and I let myself fall against the door, barely able to breathe as I break down in sobs for what feels like the million's time since Charlie's death. When I thought I didn't have any more tears to drop, I was apparently wrong, as I stay there, in foetus position on the cold floor, for hours. I must have fallen asleep, because when I wake up, it's dark outside. I pull myself together, and go in the shower, where I stand under the burning water until there's no more, and I am left with freezing water, forcing me out of there, and make my way into bed, where I curl up under the duvet, Charlie never leaving my thoughts. I know tonight is going to be another sleepless night. It's been months since I had a real, good night of sleep. I don't think I will be able to sleep until the man who killed Charlie is dead. No matter what my brother was involved into, he didn't deserve to die. So I spend the rest of the night planning how to approach his gang, and get my way to Reggie.

I felt bad for posting such a short chapter with Chapter One, so here's Chapter Two, so that you have a better idea of the story ✌️. Thoughts so far? A little click on the star icon ⭐️ makes one happy writer 😌🌸.