2015

2/1/15: The Truth #1

Not a poem... Sorry...

Today was suppose to be a fun day... Talking and catching up with old friends... We talked about our lives in specific detail... But as I talked about mine, I wanted to cry. They say I should be grateful for what I have since I'm technically rich and have lots of things others don't. I know I'm lucky... I am thankful... But I would trade all of that for friends who I know will always be there for me. They say they're here now... Yet later on we will all split up and leave.

My friends, I feel, are luckier than I am... They're friends with everyone and they don't care about other people's judgement. I was born as a sensitive little girl who was always pushed around and hurt. So when they asked about my life, I talked about my problems with them.

Maybe that was a mistake... It's easier to keep it all in than to let it out to people who may or may not care... They say they do care, but there are times when I can't be sure. At some point in my life, I feel that everyone starts hating me... I'm an annoying, selfish brat that repeats her issues over and over again... I don't mean to be this way... I'm sorry about that...

Anyway, since I feel that everyone starts to hate me at some point, I know that I will never be truly happy with anyone. No one will ever truly love me, and if they do, I ruin that in time... I can't be happy alone either, with nothing but my demonic mind...

So what should I do, reader? I need someone to hear me, but I don't want to annoy them either. I'm usually a listener, who keeps everyone's secrets. These secrets kill me from the inside out since it's not my business to share... But sometimes they slip out and they screw everything up.

Perhaps it would be better if I died... I'll keep all the secrets... I won't need anyone to talk to... No one will be annoyed by my presence... Everyone's lives will be so much better without me in it...