"What are you doing?!" John yelled towards me. He had sprained my arm, so the scalpel would fall onto the ground of the mortuary. He pushed me up against the cabinets and hit my face. It was just a slap. "Wake up!"
Then John hooked his right arm into my face, sending me quickly to the ground. He hadn't done any actual harm there, just it hurt like hell. My nose was bleeding profusely. "Is this..." John started before kneeling down beside me and punching me again. "a game? A bloody game?"
I leaned onto my arm with the intention of getting up. John's anger usually fizzes out quite quickly. His temper was short, but he wasn't one to yell for long amounts of time. He would get over it until you made him do it again, except, I suppose, things were a bit different. The first time he had hit me ever, I was completely fine afterwards. He wasn't really angry about anything in particular, and it really didn't hurt. He had avoided causing any real damage subconsciously, but things change I guess.
John punched me once more in a fit of anger that I had even thought about the notion that it could be over. I let myself fall all the way now, making no attempt to get up. John kicked me hard into the gut once, which I took, and then he did it again, which made me groan in pain. I hadn't expected any of what John had given me, but I didn't care. I would let him kick me for as long as he wanted. I didn't need him to stop. He continuously kicked hard, but a few doctors pulled him away. I didn't need that to happen.
"No, it's-it's okay. Let him do what he wants." I looked down at my blood on the hospital floor before looking towards John's shoes which had my blood on them as well. "He's entitled." I looked up towards John's face now. He still seemed angry. He seemed very different than from how I last saw him. That was probably because "I killed his wife."
John moved forward a little bit, and I braced myself for a bit more. I didn't know what to do with the information that John wanted to hurt me as bad as he had. I had never met anyone who cared for the well-being of others as much as he did. Well, he didn't mind it so much when the person he harmed was a terrible one.
Maybe that's what I had become. I knew I had terrible from my standards. That's what I had been like my whole life. There were a lot of people that hated me, but John had never been one of those people. I had always thought he was the kind of person that couldn't hate anyone. I had never looked into someone's eyes and seen them filled with the amount of hatred that John held for myself in that moment. So I had become a terrible person. "Yes, you did." John confirmed for me, his voice shaking a little bit. I figured that was the end then.
I didn't need to be better when this is what I had become. There has only ever been one person to ever have cared for me as much as him. I felt my own eyes fill with tears at the look of almost regret on John's face. I couldn't bare to look at John for any longer when he looked like that. No one's actions had ever made me feel as terrible as John had in that moment. John brushed his hand beneath his nose and turned around. I tucked my head into my arm and let a few tears fall before going unconscious. I thought I was going to die, but I didn't mind that.
I figured Mary's case was too complicated for me to handle. I was supposed to be killed at the hands of a bad person. Instead, I felt myself dying at the hands of someone who I was meant to save. John genuinely cared about me. That much I know. He was the only person in the world to do so, and I had lost him because I had been trying to save him in the way his wife had wanted me to. Mary had been intelligent and thoughtful in her planning, and I think that I didn't do as she asked the way she wanted me to carry it out. Certainly, she had not anticipated that John would become violent with me, but she also didn't know that I was the one to kill her. That added to the resentment John had for me, and she had not planned for that.
I woke up, Mycroft by my side. He was always with me at hospitals. I don't remember the last time I blacked out and Mycroft wasn't by my side when I woke up. "Oh good, you're alive." Mycroft smiled.
"Not for much longer."
"More realistically yes. What exactly motivated you this time? I found your list in your coat pocket."
"Nothing motivated me Mycroft." I told him. I looked to my right and saw John's cane. I smiled, as I had anticipated John's remorse for myself.
"What is it?" Mycroft asked, referring to my head turned.
"Nothing. I know how I'm going to die." I told Mycroft. "And I would quite like to do it in peace. Your presence is quite annoying actually. I don't want you near me."
"Very well." Mycroft spoke, leaning against his umbrella and standing up. "Fare-"
"You-you don't have to do that. Just go Mycroft." I knew Mycroft would scour my apartment for what had killed me. I knew he would do it for quite some time. I thought that John would have gone home. Of course he would mourn slightly. I would have failed Mary. Our friendship, in my eyes, felt completely over. John's cane wasn't a parting gift; it was only a reminder of the way we used to be, and it would never be that way again. Without him in my life, I didn't want to be alive.
I closed my eyes, hoping I would die before Smith murdered me. I think John's reminder could keep me happy enough while I did die. I could relive the memories for as long as the morphine was pumping through me. He knew that. I never deleted a single moment that I spent with John and I was happy I had done that now. That was all I needed. I apologized to Mary several times in my mind palace, begging her to forgive me, but she told me to go off and do what I needed instead. She forgave me.
Smith came in before I could find John inside of my head.
"I don't want to die." I let out repeatedly and softly, tears filling my eyes. I looked up at the man who was about to suffocate me, practically begging for my life before his hands clamped over my mouth and nose. Losing my breath now wasn't worth it. John would come. Maybe he didn't need or want me anymore, but he would save me. A minute in, I started to wonder if he would be quick enough. Only a few seconds could cause my death, and I didn't know how long it would take for John do figure it out. He was an idiot after all. I didn't lose hope until my eyes started lulling back in my head and I almost felt my heart stop beating. John had found out, but he didn't need to come and save me in that moment. I was just another criminal for him to slaughter and let go of.
I don't remember much else of the end. That was it. It is what it is.
