I Carry Your Heart [Harry Styles]

Chapter 20

Present Day-Camilla

Driving through the darkened streets of Rye, all I can think is "Fuck, fuck, fuck" as I hit the steering wheel in frustration.

I can't believe I slapped Harry, I just got such a fright when he grabbed me and I lost control. It just brought back so many bad memories. Like I told him, and I am sure he has already realised, I am a mess. I have no idea how one person, me, can fuck up so much.

I arrive at Kath's faster than I should, no doubt because I drove too fast. Getting out the car, I stalk over to her front door and open it using my key. Walking into the house, I immediately feel comforted by its familiar sounds and smells.

"Hi Kath" I shout, not too loudly as I don't want to wake up Rory.

Wandering out the kitchen carrying the blanket she is currently crocheting, she says "Hello Cam my love".

"How was she tonight?" I ask, while avoiding her gaze, hoping she won't pick up something is wrong.

"She was great. We watched tv, read a book before bed and she has been sleeping for a few hours" Kath answers.

"Good to hear. Thanks for watching her Kath. Let me go get her" I say, walking towards the spare bedroom where Rory is asleep.

I can hear Kath is behind me, when she asks "Are you okay Cam?"

I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything past her.

I don't turn around or stop but answer "Of course Kath. Just tired and I want to get home".

Kath sighs and answers "I wish you would let me in sometimes love. You forget I can read you like a book and something obviously isn't right. Is it Harry?".

Trying not to lose my temper, wishing Kath would leave it alone, I simply say "As I said, I am fine just tired.

Ignoring her gaze, I push open the bedroom door and walk over to Rory, who is fast asleep and I can't help but stare at her in amazement. She is so breath-taking with her curly hair and chubby cheeks. I have fucked up so many things, but not her. She is perfect.

I bend down and carefully pick up her little warn body, hoping not to wake her up. Carefully carrying her to the car with Kath trailing behind me, I bury my nose in her hair, savouring her familiar vanilla scent.

Opening the back door, I protectively place her in her car seat and I'm strapping her in, when I hear Kath whispering behind me "Cam, I'm worried about you. Matty and John are too. Harry has brought up a lot of your old anxieties and you seem really on edge"

Without turning to face her, I whisper "I'm fine, seriously".

"Love?" she questions me.

Her constant questioning and worry are doing my head in and so spinning around fast I whisper loudly "For fucks sake Kath. Stop looking at me like that, like you pity me. I'm fucking fine. I am happy Rory gets to know her dad but Harry coming back means nothing to me. You of all people should remember I have survived way worse and I am still here".

I quietly close the back door, making sure not to wake Ror before I get in and without saying one more word to Kath, I start the car and drive off.

Fuck I am exhausted I think, as I make my way home, driving a lot more carefully now that Rory is in the car.

Pushing the front door open with my shoulder, I sigh in relief to finally be home, just me, Rory and Poe, who is jumping up and down with excitement.

"Calm down boy. Give me one minute to put her down and I'll take you out" I say as I walk down the passage, careful to miss the squeaky floorboards.