I Carry Your Heart [Harry Styles]

Chapter 25

Present Day-Camilla

"Cam" Dr Kent says kindly while holding onto my hand tightly "You are so strong and a wonderful mother, but you know you don't have to be perfect, you can show vulnerability".

I look over at my therapist, a tiny women in her sixties and sigh "I know, I just struggle to sometimes".

Squeezing my hand one more time she nods and says "Now go and pick up your prescription right away, and don't forget to do your breathing exercises. Call me if you need me and I'll see you the same time next week".

I agree and just as I am about to turn around and walk out of her office, she adds "And Cam, try relax and have some fun. You are only young once...live a little".

I smile and nod tightly, not sure I know how to relax and have fun anymore.

Stepping outside into the bright sunlight, I can't help stifle a yawn. I have a raging hangover and a splitting headache after yesterday, which was a complete mess. I shudder just thinking about my parents and their clear disdain for me. And even though I appreciate his kindness, I just wish Harry hadn't found me or seen the photographs. I have worked so hard for five years to keep so many things from him and over the last few weeks all my lies have come tumbling down.

Dr Kent and I spoke a lot about my unresolved issues with my parents and how Harry coming back has brought up a lot of emotions and guilt. I can't help feeling like a huge fucking failure but she says I need to stop being so negative about myself and realise I have actually accomplished a lot. As usual seeing her has made me feel better and like less of a freak, although I know I have a long way to go.

Feeling exhausted, I climb into my car, deciding to fill my anti-anxiety medication prescription from the pharmacy before I go to Kath's to pick up Rory.

Arriving at Kath's, apprehension floods over me. I'm nervous to see her and Rory , feeling like I have failed them both. I end up sitting in the car for a few minutes, taking some deep breaths, working up the courage to go inside. I slowly open my hands and stare at my palms; the fresh cuts from yesterday and the numerous scars from previous anxiety attacks obvious. I hate that I do this to myself and as I sit in the hot car I make a promise that I will talk through my issues and try calm down, rather than panic and hurt myself.

Feeling a little braver and resolute, I eventually open the door and stepping out the car I am immediately met by Rory who flings herself into my arms shouting "mama" happily.

I kneel down and sweep her up, placing small kisses all over her face. I can't help burrowing my nose into her beautiful chestnut curls and inhaling her scent, one that is just plain Rory. Her presence helping me feel a little better right away.

"I missed you baby girl" I say "Did you have fun with nana?"

Rory smiles her huge dimpled smile, so similar to her dad's, and nods  animatedly "And Harry came and we watched Beauty and the Beast and ate popcorn and nana let me have hot chocolate" she answers excitedly.

"That's nice" I say, brushing her wild hair out of her face, wondering how I got so lucky to have her in my life.

"I drew a picture of Poe" Rory suddenly says  proudly "I'm gonna go get it mama, you wait here!" and she spins around and runs off.

I watch her go, and tearing my eyes away from her I notice Kath, standing at the front door watching us with a small smile on her face.

"Hi my lovely" she says starting to walk towards me "How did it go with Dr Kent?".