First Light | Steve Rogers (Book Two)

Chapter Thirty-Three: Recovery

Steve and I had tried our best to return to our normal lives, travelling around and seeing as many sights as we could. But things had changed, neither of us would ever be the same. We slept on different sides of the bed, we ate in silence. There weren't any more late night discussions or movies.

It took me several months to come to terms with Melody's loss again, and much longer to even comprehend Tasha's. I used to reach for the picture in my back pocket when I missed them, until I realised that it wasn't there anymore. Some nights, I would just lie in bed and imagine her, picturing her face when I finally returned home. 

Nothing could take away that pain. It wasn't as simple as getting an impulsive haircut or tattoo, which I tried. Nothing could make me forget that I was apparently 'where I was supposed to be' and my daughter wasn't.

I was lying in bed one night, my eyes closed as I desperately tried to create an image of her face in my mind. Something drew my attention, making me sit up and stare at Steve in confusion. He was lying with his back to me, curled up in a foetal position as he clutched onto the duvet. He was shaking, his quiet sniffles barely reaching my ears. 

"Steve?" I asked quietly. He stopped moving, holding his breath as he tried to stay still. I sighed heavily and moved a little closer, "I know you're awake"

He quickly rubbed his eyes before looking at me innocently, "Yeah? Everything okay?"

I scoffed and turned one of the lamps on to get a better look at his bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks, "I don't think you're meant to be the one asking that. What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing. I'm fine" he shrugged dismissively.

He tried to lie down again but I gently held him back, "Please don't shut me out"

"Sure, act like you haven't been doing the exact same thing," he snapped as he pulled himself out of my grip, "I know you're hurting, I know that it must be hell for you. But we promised to tell each other about this, to be honest. We have to acknowledge what happened.

"I got pretty close to understanding Bucky on a whole new level, and that terrifies me. And you... you lost your daughter. I get that you wanna ignore it because she isn't with you in this world, but she still means something to you"

"Then maybe you shouldn't have dragged me into the portal. I could be there right now. The worst thing isn't even that I won't see her again, it's that I made her a promise. She expected me to come home. I left her"

The two of us sat in silence for a moment, trying to calm our breathing. After a moment, I reached out to take his hands in mine. There was a familiar buzz of electricity, both of us staring up at each other in surprise. His sky blue eyes flickered between mine and my lips. He leant his forehead against mine, drawing in a deep breath as his hands gently squeezed mine.

Our lips brushed, both of us pausing slightly as we waited. A sudden wave of warmth washed over us, making me feel right at home in his touch. It pushed us closer and closer, urging me on. I crashed my lips against his, my hands reluctantly detaching themselves from his so I could cup his face in my hands. He pulled me towards him by my waist, making me shiver slightly. 

I felt him gently lay me back down, his eyes gazing into mine before he kissed me again. Our fingers interlaced, our hands resting on either side of my head. I nodded silently and he began to trail kisses down my neck. We didn't need to go any faster, we didn't need to rush. The two of us spent as much time as possible trying to make up for all of the time we had been apart. So near, and yet, so very far.

——————

A couple of months had passed and Steve and I were just leaving Edinburgh Airport, walking hand in hand as we kept our heads down. We had gradually become closer and closer, still shaken after almost a year. Steve had decided not to shave, letting his stubble gradually grow into a thick beard. I wasn't entirely keen on it, but I was getting used to it.

 The two of us reached an old car on the edge of the airport parking lot, just out of the security cameras' view. A couple of figures were stood nearby in hoodies and sunglasses, silently watching us as we approached. 

The woman with newly-dyed platinum blonde hair pulled me into a tight hug, gently rubbing my back as I clung onto her. "Hey, AK," she chuckled, "I missed you guys!"

"Missed you, too!" I grinned as we pulled away. There was a stunned silence as they stared at me in surprise. I quickly shrugged it off, "I mean, it was weird without your dumb nicknames. That's all"

Sam scoffed and hugged me next, "Don't give us that crap, we know you missed us. How's the back?"

"Healed. It's like it never happened"

"How about you guys?" Steve sighed as he took a step closer to me, "How's life been treating you?"

Nat shrugged as she motioned for us to get in the car, "Not bad. Spent a bit of time catching up with... people. Sam and I hung out"

The man shook his head as he laughed quietly, joining me in the back seat. "Kicked ass, you mean" he corrected with a playful smirk.

We began to leave the parking lot and I sighed, looking out of the window as the city of Edinburgh grew closer and closer. The sky was gradually going dark, bright streaks of neon orange painted across the grey clouds. Buildings began to tower over us, their old stone walls slightly illuminated by the setting sun. 

My hand absentmindedly reached for my necklace and I sighed, picturing her face again. Her childish laugh echoed around me, making my lips tug into a smile full of mourning and regret.

The four of us stared up at the quinjet, feeling a strange sense of familiarity as we looked at its shiny, cold exterior. I felt Steve take my hand in his as memories flashed through my mind.

I remembered flying to the helicarrier on the first day, capturing Loki, Steve catching me when we crash landed in New York, him holding me after my disturbing vision, the journey to Siberia, sitting next to Steve's body on the way back from Ogygia, the flight to the Steel Mill.

I remembered the laughs as the team returned from a good mission, the drinks shared on long flights, the impromptu singalongs to AC/DC. It all seemed so familiar and welcoming, but it also hurt.

"Hope you guys are ready for a little nostalgia," Nat huffed, "'Cause there's a couple of old friends that are probably dying to see us"

"Friends we can trust?" I asked warily, glancing around as I hesitantly began to walk up the ramp.

She shrugged quietly and turned to look at me, "Hopefully. Your protégé and her boyfriend went of the grid about a week ago"