Jess's POV
The whole way home from Zayn's place, I was on the verge of having a panic attack. The unwanted memories of him, came back when Harry spoke to me like he despised me. It wasn't the jealousy that made me fall into this pit, it was a constant reminder of the way that I don't deserve anyone or anything, how i'm incapable of letting people in.
I make my way up the stairs of my apartment complex and knock on my door in a panic, urging to be with Ken and Bella, away from the prying eyes of curious residents of the city. Those two, Rory, Zayn and Gigi are the only people who know what happened in full extent. The whole story and not just the reports placed on the news, or the images of my unloved and abused skin plastered on the denied police report.
Bella luckily answers the door almost immediately, her face dropping from her gorgeous smile as she sees the battle that is being fought in my head. I barge past her and pace back and forth between the kitchen and living room, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself and win this already lost battle in my mind. Kendall walks into the open space and quickly recognised what's going on.
"Hey Jess," She speaks calmly, having lived with me for almost 3 years she knows exaclty how to come across this situation and what to say, "What happened?"
"I fucking hate Harry Styles!" I groan, increasing the volume of my voice, anger bubbling inside of me in a protection of the sadness coming to the surface.
"No you don't." Bella calmly states, trying to reason with my brain in an failed attempt to calm me down.
"Yes I do!" I almost yell, "He can't just act all jealous over nothing. Like he fucking owns me!"
Kendall and Bella exchange a look before Ken tries to step closer to me, in which i flinch away. "Jess what happened? You need to calm down, take a breath."
"No! I fucking can't okay! I can't fucking pretend everything is okay all the time. It's not, it's fucking not. I'm fucking not okay. Is that what you wanted to hear after all these years? That i'm finally ready to admit i'm not okay and i need fuking help? That stupid fucking boy brought back the memories I try so hard to push down inside of me and he opened back all the wounds that had unhealed stitches on them in less than a minute. He just thinks he is obliged to act like he owns me! Well he doesn't and I can do whatever the fuck I want with whoever the fuck I want because that's who I am now. I am no longer a prisoner of someone else and I-I, fuck. I can't do this anymore i'm f-fucking-" My voice cracks mid sentence, emotions catching up to me. My knees weaken and I drop to the floor against my own wishes, sobbing on the ground.
Every moment of the past 3 years I have tried to keep these memories away locked away deep in my brain. I was naive to think that they would just disappear because nothing fucking ever goes away without help. Searching and reaching out for help is something i'm not strong enough to do. I can barely open up to people I know, so opening up to a stranger in a professional respect is something I just can't bring myself to do. Knowing that I will have to open the wounds back up again so that they can heal properly is something I hate the thought of.
I feel my two best friends sit next to me on the floor, holding me in their arms, giving no shame to the fact I am having a cry in the middle of our living room.
"Jess it's okay to not be okay. Recognising you need help is the first step and and you are so strong to even consider seeing someone about this. I'm sure Harry never meant to bring this on you as he certainly has no idea about your past. I can tell this guy cares for you, even after meeting you once, because that's what you do Jess, you have this amazing aura that draws people to love and care about you. Maybe if you did open up to him, even just the slightest, not necessarily about this but maybe about your brother or-"
"No fucking way am I talking to him about Alex." I cut Kendall off, almost immediately after the words came out of her mouth.
"Jess just listen to me." Ken replies sternly, "I am in no way saying you go into details about your whole life, the most personally and darkest parts of your life, but keeping all of that inside is damaging, when Harry earns your trust and learns your thoughts he will understand why the way he acted was wrong and why he can't just go around acting like that." She explains, leaving me speechless.
I, in no way will go running back to harry, if he does 'care' about me like Kendall is insulating, then he will have to make it up to me on his own agenda.
"Okay." I whisper, letting Kendals words sink in.
"C'mon it's getting late, we have a meeting for the VS show tomorrow." Bella rubs my back, helping me stand. I give both of them a hug goodnight and walk into the bathroom to have a shower.
While in the shower my mind replays the last 12 hours. Why the fuck does Harry care so much about what I do anyways? Next time I come interact with him I will tell him off for his actions, he needs to know his boundaries and when to fuck off. Knowing Zayn and becoming friends with the other boys, I can tell our interactions will come soon enough.
-
The next morning comes soon enough. My restless night of sleep leaving me overjoyed when the sun finally rose.
Bella, Ken and I are currently sitting in the head office of the Victoria Secret shows, awaiting for our superviser to talk to us about the duties. So far we have just been helping finishing the last touches of the outfits, tailoring them to the models and helping out the current designers when they need it. We were told by Mr Jackson vaguely that we've been assigned a higher job surrounding the VS show. Whether this is too with making outfits for the guests or helping organise the venue we are unsure off.
"Good morning ladies." Jill our supervisor calls as she walks through the doors. We all mutter 'hello's as she takes a seat on the other side of the desk in front of us. Jill is in her early 40s, grey/blonde hair framing her face and glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose. Her tall and lanky figure is adorned in a fur coat and bell bottom pants. Jill is very sweet and has done everything in her power to help us in this job.
"So, as you know you three are the top of your class at one of the best fashion institutes in New York." She starts, causing us to nod in acknowledgement, "As you are aware, your Personal Project is coming up which highly influences the mark you will be given at the end of the year. This year's theme is surrounding the art of high end fashion, suits, dresses etc. A lot of this project will be done through internships and connections to the fashion industry. We've seen your guys' past designs and sketches and you've been requested by a few clients to create eye catching, well designed and high quality suits in collaboration with Gucci." As soon as the words leave her lips all of us are staring with slack jaws, gobsmacked by the opportunity given in front of us. The PP is a yearly project that you have 2 months to complete a garment and a properly formatted portfolio of your design sketches and the outfit itself on a client. Jill continues after laughing at our reactions, "If you guys are interested you guys will have 2 weeks exaclty to create one suit each for 3 different clients who are attending. Gucci will provide funding for the fabric and supplies needed for the suits but other than that you guys will have free range over what you decide to make and create. So are you guys inter-"
"Yes." We all cut her off, overly excited for this opportunity.
"Great! Okay so Bella you are assigned Niall Horan, Kendall - Louis Tomlinson and Jess you've got Harry Styles." My face drops at the name, suddenly not so excited about this opportunity anymore. "Zayn and Liam are already taken care off but you will be put in contact with them immediately. Tomorrow will be an open fitting set up here at this venue and you guys can get their measurements and talk about what you have in mind." Jill advises us, handing us all the information about the project and bidding goodbyes before leaving the room, Kendall and Bella staring at me in worry.
"Jess, we don't have to do thi-" Bella starts before I cut in, "Are you crazy! This is like a guaranteed A. He'll act respectful enough and if he doesn't i'll simply ignore him."
"If you say so." They both reply, not believing a word I say.
Don't worry, I don't believe it either.
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Yellow Mellow h.s
Fanfiction"Hey wait," Harry calls out for me while i'm reaching for the door to my apartment. I turn around a smug smirk on my face and raise an eyebrow for him to continue. "I never got your name." He reveals. "Well that's because I didn't give it to you."...
