Here I was invited to this engagement party by Ariana's friends that I didn't even want to be at. Not after what happened and how she treated me and after all I did for her.
I loved her and I never wanted to see her unhappy. Why was I here? I'm making myself miserable at this point.
I just sat down on the nearest stool at the island in Ariana's kitchen. This was her newly purchased home in Los Angeles, of course because two wasn't enough.
I zone out glancing ahead of me toward the living room where both Ariana and Courtney giggling with each other on the couch.
My eyes gravitate to the pearl and perfect oval diamond engagement ring that sat delicately on her finger. I wonder where he got the idea?
I was drunk when I told Ariana, one night after we made love, about a design of the ring I would propose to her with when she was officially ready to have a relationship with me. My design was almost identical to the one that sat on her finger at this very moment.
Neither of them noticed my distant gaze because there were at least 30 people in the mix from the living room to the kitchen.
Ariana was glowing and it wasn't hard to miss. Her smile was brighter and her eyes were shining with happiness. She looked healthy and happy for the first time in a long time and sadly it wasn't because of me.
She never gave me that chance which almost brought tears to my eyes. I guess I didn't deserve it even when I was the first person she called when she need someone for an entire year.
The cause to her happiness? She met Dalton and everything changed drastically. It was almost as if I had never existed in her life so quickly.
She cut me out her life with a simple text saying that she didn't want to continue our "friendship" and that she had met someone.
Did she use me to help her heal just for her to kick me to the curb when she found someone better?
Was that all I was to her? We did everything together and now it's like she barely acknowledges me. Did I do all of that for nothing?
Was I happy for their engagement? Yes, of course but that should've been me. Wait who am I kidding... I wasn't happy for them.
Well at least I thought she wanted me all along because the words would come from her lips every night and day. In her own words many time, I was hers and she was always possessive over me wherever we went. She had me wrapped around her finger.
She cried on my chest every night, we got drunk together, we made songs together, we had so many inside jokes, we never went anywhere without each other, and not to mention that we had sex countless times. We just made so many memories that are just impossible to erase.
I continued letting her feed my brain with what I wanted to hear, I guess. I let her drain me.
Other than the fact that she basically lead me on for months to turn around and date a complete random then eventually get engaged to him. That sentence alone scared me. She would always tell me that she wasn't ready for a relationship and I agreed to keep being friends with benefits like the dumbass I am.
She made me fall in love with her by constantly filling my ears with meaningless sweet nothings that made me think we might be right for each. All of this allowed her to break me piece by piece slowly as if I never existed to her romantically.
She suddenly made eye contact with me from across the room which drops my thoughts immediately as I look away, getting up from my seat. I feel the air closing in on my lungs until I reach the patio outside and release the breath I was holding so desperately in.
Did she know I was invited?
I soon hear heels tapping against the tiled floor and feel someone tap my shoulder from behind. My head turns slowly to get a glimpse of who it was that had followed and I quickly turn it back when I saw it was her.
"Y/n...please look at me..." Her voice breaks as tries to grab my hand seeing the state I'm in with her near me.
"Please don't even try, Ariana. I..I-I don't know why I even came." My voice cracks, shaking my head looking at the ground. My hands start to shake a little and I feel my heartbeat quicken.
"Hey...baby calm down..." She sees my obvious shaking and pulls me in a hug worriedly, caressing my back. I find myself enjoying the feeling before I quickly push her off, still slightly shaking with anxiety.
"Please no don't act like that and you don't deserve to call me that, Ariana...I-I know you don't care." I wipe the tears from my eyes which was useless since more kept rolling down my cheeks.
"That's a lie and you know it. I'm sorry I caused this...I regret hurting you and not giving you a chance...believe me. It hurt me to send that message to you." Ariana sniffles, causing me to look at her and scoff.
"You fucking lead me on and kept telling me you weren't ready. You threw me off the side when you found something better..." I raise my hands in the air in anger, tears continuously racing down my cheeks even faster than before.
"In fact, I was the one who had to sit and re-read the text you sent me over and over again. I wasn't good enough for you. I always put your needs before mine and you took advantage of me. You broke my fucking heart and I did everything for you, with you, it was always about you!" She looks me her bottom lip trembling while tears cascaded down her face.
"I really did love you... I never said anything I didn't mean. I hate seeing that I caused you to be so scared to be around me or talk to me. You were such a significant and meaningful part of my life that I carelessly threw away for my own selfish reasons." Her voice cracks with every word breaking my heart all over again at her admitting her wrongs but it still didn't change the fact that she did it.
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