blue eyes like blue skies<3 ~l.s

chapter 9

It was only two dates later when Louis asked Harry an important question, one that made his insides twist, though he knew there was nothing to fear.

They were sitting on the stairs outside Louis' apartment building eating ice cream, Harry leaning into Louis despite the hot temperature. It happened seemingly randomly, but Louis thinks if he doesn't ask now, he won't know how much longer it'll be until he can ask.

"Harry, can we talk about something a little serious?" Louis began nervously.

"Of course, Lou. What's up?"

"Do you... I mean, would you-" Louis tried, stumbling over his words. "Can I call you my boyfriend? Would that be okay?"

Harry felt cold at the question, cold and shivery and scared. The last time he agreed to that, it eventually caused him so much pain, physically and mentally, and he's uneasy. He knew how sweet and gentle Louis is with him and he knows how much he loves spending time with Louis, so he felt awful when he couldn't bring himself to agree right away. He told himself he'd know to leave should anything similarly bad happen to him, but the idea of being that close with someone again is overwhelming.

Louis felt his stomach twist with Harry's obvious hesitance and rushed to pacify what he may be feeling. "It may be kinda soon, I know. But I just think you're very, very sweet and I love being around you and the last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable, Hazza. If you'd rather keep things more casual or take some time to think about it, that's more than fine. I was just wondering if maybe you were thinking like I was and-"

"Lou, slow down, it's fine!" Harry said, stopping his nervous chattering. "You don't make me uncomfortable, not at all. It's not your fault, it's just that it's been kind of hard for me before, that's all..." Harry trailed off, conflicted with himself.

"Oh," Louis said. "Alright." There was a slightly awkward pause before he said, "You don't have to tell me, it's fine. But... is it about your ex-boyfriend?" He didn't know Derek used to hit Harry, and Harry was worried he may be finding out very soon. Harry hated the thought of Louis thinking he let someone walk all over him like that. Louis tells him how cute he is when he's polite, but Harry knew it was a matter of time before Louis decided he was too sweet for his own good.

"Um, yeah. I've mentioned Derek a few times?" Louis nodded, taking in the way Harry's smile was always long gone when talking about this person. "I haven't dated anyone since him, and when we were together, things weren't really as they should be, ya know?"

Louis furrowed his eyebrows. "No, I don't know," he quietly replied. He felt guilty, not wanting Harry to spell it out as it seemed like such a difficult topic for him.

"Well, he kind of used to hit me sometimes, or, like, force himself on me," Harry told him, his cheeks a fiery red. "He's been arrested, so it's okay and I'm fine now, but it's a weird thought to date someone after that..." he said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Haz," Louis said in a reverent voice, grabbing his hand and squeezing slightly. "I totally understand if you're not ready to be that close with someone again, it's fine. We can just stay friends if you'd like that better?" he asked. Louis was so willing accommodate for this sweet boy who was made of nothing but kindness. "Or maybe just friends who kiss sometimes, like right now?"

Harry's smile returned at Louis' suggestion. "Maybe," he answered, cuddling up to Louis again. "I really wanna be your boyfriend, Lou, but I dunno. I'm just... weird about it," he whispered like it's all a secret only for Louis.

"You're not weird, love, don't say that. You've just had a bad experience," Louis told him, rubbing his thumb over Harry's. "Maybe... we can make this official, call each other 'boyfriend,'" Louis began, causing Harry to smile wide at him, "and just take things really slow, at whatever pace you're comfortable with, Haz. And as things go on, if you decide you don't fancy being in a relationship just yet, we can take a step back and just be friends again. What do you think about that?"

Harry mulled it over for a moment before letting Louis know his thoughts. "I want you to know I really appreciate how thoughtful you're being for me, Lou," he told him shyly.

Louis smiled warmly at him, bringing Harry's hand up to kiss his knuckles. "Of course, Harry. No one should feel uncomfortable when it comes to relationships."

"I know, and I'm so comfortable with you. You make me all warm and happy inside, make me feel only good things."

Louis leaned into him and kissed his temple, smiling into his hair. "You're very sweet, Hazza."

Harry paused before completely making up his mind. "I wanna be your boyfriend, Lou. For sure."

Louis untangled his fingers from Harry's to give him a big hug, holding him tight. "Thank you, baby. Thank you for giving me a chance. I wanna be able to make you feel good things every day."

Louis pulled back and Harry laced their fingers together once more. He and Louis held on.