Second Chances

Chapter 2

Songs of Inspiration:

Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

Welcome To The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance

Miserable At Best - MayDay Parade

Angel With A Shotgun -  The Cab

Voodoo Doll - 5 Seconds of Summer

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Morgan's wake was unbearable. I stood next to her open casket unable to even look at her pale body without breaking down into streams of tears. People came and went, shaking my hand with cheek kisses and cold hugs. I stood next to Niall who basically spoke for Jordan, Allyson and I. We were the ones who were experiencing the whole situation the worst. Niall was devastated of course, but at least he was able to hold it together better than the rest of us. We were all just separate emotional wrecks.

"I'm so sorry for you loss," they said.

"It was so sudden," they said.

"Everything's going to be okay," they lied. 

After spending five hours straight in the crowded room once the wake was over, I ran outside and vomited into some bushes outside the funeral home. I couldn't handle anything, it was like I couldn't wake from this tragic, never-ending nightmare.

Why wouldn't someone just pinch me already?

And now here I am, attending the funeral of the girl I never thought I would live to see the day of her death. 

The girl I wish I was holding in my arms, telling her that I do love her. That I want to live with her everyday for the rest of my life. That I want to wake up every morning with her beside me in bed as I can observe her still silently asleep. The girl I want to see walk down the aisle in nothing but white, the girl I want to raise beautiful children with. The girl I want to grow old with and sit in rocking chairs while watching sun rises and sun sets next to. The girl I love.

If someone were to ask me two years ago if I would ever fall in love, a passionate love full of emotional boundaries I never thought were possible to reach, feelings yet to be discovered and a heart ready to burst; I would've denied the fact.

But now, I know that maybe love does exist. Maybe love was what I felt, and still do feel for Morgan. Maybe in rare occasions, love occurs to the best and worst of us, just to be ripped away so suddenly with nothing but a broken heart in remnants.

Even if love does exist in some strange form, there is no such thing as a fairytale. There are no happily ever afters or decent endings. Everything ends abruptly, so suddenly, and it's no where near happy. Those worlds only exist in between thin sheets of paper and on movie screens. 

That kind of love is nonexistent, that kind of life is something in dreams. But real life is not a dream, but a horrid nightmare. 

Welcome to the cruddy real world of Hell, full of demons and false angels.

The funeral is almost over, and I was a bit surprised despite the numb feeling that I have been going through since the day of the accident;  of how many people came. The pews are almost all filled, as I sit in the last row, alone. 

I was saved a spot next to Niall with his fiance and Jordan, but I refused. I needed to suffer through this independently. Sitting next to people would just drag it out that much longer, and I didn't want to feel more pain being radiated off of them. I could barely handle my own let alone others.