𝑩𝑹𝑶𝑲𝑬𝑵 𝑷𝑰𝑬𝑪𝑬𝑺 ☾︎ jmrf [✓]

• 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑵𝑻𝒀-𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑬 •

°three weeks later

-

I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Slow music was accompanying me on a low volume, being the only sound besides my own breathing.

It was slow and steady, but sometimes it would quicken its pace, causing me to hyperventilate and a panic attack to consume me. I never had them before, until the accident....

Everything had changed since then.

Reallly nothing felt the same anymore.

The house feels empty, the laughter is almost impossible to find, you hardly see a smile around here and no one dares to come close to her room.

Like, if you go inside and find her room so empty and lonely, it makes everything feel real even more.

And nobody wanted that.

Nobody wanted to think about it, but it seemed like it was the only thing in our mind, haunting our daily routines and our dreams.

Sleep, something that was also hard to find since all I could ever see when I close my eyes,

is yelling, screaming, crying, thunder and lighning, that black car, Skyler....

It seemed like I could never get a break, that I could never take a minute for myself before I start to worry about her again.

She's my daily thought...her smile, her eyes, her laugh, her voice....

To me she's perfectly imperfect, a real life natural beauty, a calm storm at the beach, a song that you wanna keep on repeat and listen to for hours.....

she's the girl of dreams, and the broken angel in my nightmares.

I wanna help her, I wanna be there for her, I wanna stay with her 'till the end.....but the end seems so far away, like it's a never ending road and I'm the driver, trying to get us through the night and to our destination, safely.

I never knew she meant so much to me.

That seeing her smile in the morning made my day.

Or that talking to her and telling each other about our day, our future plans, our secrets, was the moment of the day I was always looking out for.

And I never knew that having my arms around her, pulling her in a embrace and keeping her close to my body, was something that kept me calm and helped me through the day.

I never that she wasn't just relying and depending on me.

I was the one depending on her.

Without her in the house, my day feels empty and my heart aches.

If I would have known that she was gonna become a big part of my life, then I would'e welcomed her with open arms, with a warm hug the moment she took her first step inside our house, telling her everything was gonna be okay and that she could trust me.

There are times I wish I could go back in time and change my behaviour towards her. That we could have become friends from the start.

Maybe then things would be diffently.

No, I know things would have been differently.

I sighed, my hands going through my messy hair as I closed my eyes.

I didn't know for how long I had been inside my room, but it was a place I stayed in alone. I barely came out my room since I didn't wanna face reality more than I have to.