help you.. (todoroki x F. Reader)

5. a mess

A/n.: sorry that this chapter is kinda messy. there are some major time skips cause I'm really lazy so sorry🙏🙏 Also Warning this chapter contains triggering subjects like: selfharm be aware when you read. and if you don't feel well or dealing with things such as depression there is help to get love ya'll❤❤

after that night you and Todoroki kinda became friends. you wasn't really sure what a friend was but you hoped that was what you and Todoroki was. he had told you about his past and his scar, and you thought that maybe he could understand just a little bit which felt nice. we was still pretty could tho and kept to himself but so did you. Todoroki wanted to call the police at your father but you convinced him not to, or tell anyone saying that it was the first time your father had hurt you (which obviously was a lie) he eventually gave in seeing how desperate you where. 

now you sat in the classroom with your classmates being loud around you. you sigh and eventually you see Aizawa walk in with his yellow sleeping bag. you took your hood off since yo knew Aizawa would scold you for wearing it. bakugo started arguing with Midorya just as Aizawa got in his sleeping bag telling us to work with math and not wake him up. ''OMG! can you shut up already bakugo'' you said not realizing you said it out loud. you turn around to see a very angry Bakugo. ''what the fuck did you just say to me hoodie girl?!'' he yelled everyones attention focused on you. '' I asked to shut up, some of us are trying to work'' you answered calmly opening your math book. ''dont tell me what to do! hoodie freak!'' he said as he started to run towards you. without lifting your head up your bock you held out your arm against him activating your quirk at the same time, he then got slammed into the wall behind him. everyone looked chocked at you and then at Bakugo that was about to try to attack again when Aziawa woke up. ''that's enough Bakugo!'' he made a tsk sound before he sat down again, you could feel his cold stare at you thru the hole lesion.

the bell rang and you got up from your seat when someone stepped in the way. ''you think you can do that and get away with it huh?!'' Flashbacks from that night when your father broke your hand came back to you. you started to tremble and your breathing became unsteady. FUCK! a panic attack now? you thought as you tried to get away from him. ''hey what the hell is wrong with you, you worthless piece of shit'' more flashbacks, you couldn't bear it. your quirk activated by itself this time throwing him across the classroom. then you ran out the classroom with your bag on your shoulder. you ran in to the girls bathrooms and looked yourself in. you started to shake and you felt as someone sat on you chest stomping on you. you reach into your bag grabbing a small box. you opened it and grabbed the razor from the box and held your arm over the toilet. you then unwrapped the bandages and revile old scars and cuts all over. you then draw a line over already existing scars. it stung and you felt the warm thick blood pour out of the new cuts you just made. you took a deep breath and take out some new bandages. you wrapped your arm up and started cleaning up the bloody mess.

(Time skipp to after the sports festival cause I'm really fucking lazy)

after the sports festival Todoroki have become much less dense. you felt happy for your friend and wished you could say the same thing about you, but you have just felt more and more depressed lately not even knowing why. you came third at the sports festival after Bakugo and Todoroki. you didn't really care tho, you came to UA to be a hero not to show off. you have been cutting a lot lately to, almost twice a day. you have started to cut on you thighs too since there is not much space left on your arms. you don't really talk to Todoroki anymore, you don't want your depression to effect him when he finally looks a little happier. 

( time skipp to when you get dorms )

your dad actually was really happy when he heard that you where moving to school. he said that he finally could get rid of you, but you had to come home at least one day in the week he had said. properly to beat you to get his anger out. you open the door to your room where your bed, closet and your desk. after a while you was finally done, you had put up some led light around your window that you just bought with some saved money. you had also made your bed and placed your galaxy projector on your night stand, you turned it on and a whole galaxy sparkled on the selling. you found it so calming and it helped you sleep sometimes and your led lights just made it prettier. you smiled a little as you laid down on the bed looking up the selling. after a while you got out to the common room leaving the projector and lights on. 

''you know what we should do?!'' Mina yelled just as came in the room. ''what?'' Uraraka asked exited. ''a best room competition!'' Mina said even more exited. after some arguing with the boys everyone was in the common room to decide which room we should start with ( I don't remember which room they started with, sorry ) we started with kaminari's room. it was pretty simple, he had a bunch of video games and a table inside his room. we walked around some other guys rooms they where all pretty much the same pretty boring. Then we came to Todoroki's dorm, I don't know why but my cheeks started to burn a little and with a sigh he opened his door. everyone was shocked, it was so Japanese but it was really cool you liked it. maybe you liked it a little extra since you have a cruch on him you thought. next up eas Satou's room it was pretty simple too, but it smelled amazing. all the girls get in to see that he is baking something, he then proceed to treat everyone on cake. '' no thank you but I really don't like eating something sweet this late'' you lie, you don't want cake so you don't get fat and even more ugly '' but it smells amazing '' you say and put on a forced smile. nobody seemed to think anything of it, but someone did someone really did.

''Hey its only fair to look in the girls dorms too!'' Mineta whined and kaminari just agreed, the girls also agreed and we headed to my room since it was the closest. ''I really wonder how your dorm look like y/n since Todoroki's room was amazing I bet your is too!'' Kirishima said with a big smile. ''what do you mean?'' you say a little confused. ''well since you and him are very similar, you would make a great couple'' he then says, you cheeks went completely red ''shut up..'' you said while walking a little faster. you stopped at your door. ''dont expect much..'' you say as you open the door revealing a blue and purple galaxy. ''woooow, this is so cool y/n1'' mina screamed as she walked in with the rest of the class. ''yooo, I didn't expect this from you y/n your so cool!'' Kaminari says. you stand at the door opening not really comfortable with having a bunch of people in your room. then you eyes land on your dresser. Shit! I forgot to but the razor blades and bandages in the bathroom if someone sees them... you thought as you started to panic. you walk as calmly as you can to the dresser and quickly you but the razor blades in one of the drawers. you then sigh in relief of thinking that no one had seen you, but someone saw...

after everyone got out you told Mina that you didn't feel so well and that you would stay in your dorm, she understood and they left. the panic from before wouldn't go away and it just got worse and worse you where just about to get up to the dresser when you hear a knock on the door...