If Something Happen to Me, I love you...

• 5 months pregnancy •

"If you keep the baby, you don't love me"

What Leeteuk just said makes Heechul's eyes wide open, "Jungsoo... what do you mean by saying that? You know how much I love you, I want this baby because I love you... I want this baby because it is from you! How could you say that? You are the one who understands me the most Park Jungsoo!". Leeteuk though, only looks up at Heechul's mad face but he is definitely not wavering, "Then Heechul, you also know how much I love you too right? Having this baby can be too dangerous for you.. you might leave me forever, Kim Heechul! What can I do without you?! You are my biggest motivation to continue on living day by day!!! This thing that you said you want because it is from me, it is actually not love!!! It is just your ego!!!". Leeteuk is loud enough that the nurse outside definitely heard all his words but he no longer cares to keep up any pretenses. Heechul on the other hand, is definitely angry now.

"Then, I will just do it all alone!!!!! This is all my ego you said? Then I will grow this baby alone!!! I don't even need you! You should love me! You should love this baby too!!! This is our love, this baby is our proof of love too but you-" Heechul's eyes start glistening and he can't finish what he's trying to say, too hurt and disappointed to the point that he wants to just hide and cry everything out. Their love isn't all rainbow and sunshine but to hear those words from the one he loves the most is just crushing.

Meanwhile, Leeteuk definitely sees the teary eyes but- despite his heart squeezing at such obvious sadness in those eyes for Leeteuk now, Heechul is just being an egoist. Leeteuk definitely doesn't want to back down at all. Neither does Heechul. They are both stubborn after all.

"Fine.... fine! if that is what you want, I will leave the decision in your hands.. after all, you are Kim Heechul and nothing can stop your decision! But I don't want to be involved!" With that, Leeteuk storms out and leaves Heechul in the room all alone, ignoring the center staffs' glances and whispers. He could faintly hear Heechul's scream of frustration before he pushes the lift button to go down, not glancing back even once.

'He'll come back to his senses soon' is what Leeteuk thought as the lift door closes, putting a distance so huge between them that they are further apart than they had ever been in this lifetime.

***

Before they both know it, it has already been 2 months since Heechul see Leeteuk. He tried to go to Leeteuk's house that same night they had that huge fight to talk properly after he calmed down but he stopped himself right before he keys in the door code. Since it is not the first time Heechul had faced a hurt and angry Leeteuk, he knows it always takes quite some time for Leeteuk to calm down himself. This is not the usual break or off time they often undergo after post-miscarriage, this is almost the same level as what he felt 9 years ago during 'Incheon Battle' time. After deep thinking in front of the huge white door, Heechul just left while telling himself that Leeteuk needs more time. But deep down he knows it was a lie and he is actually too scared to hear more hurtful words from the one he loves the most.

Meanwhile, during the months that they are apart, all Leeteuk can think of is Heechul. Without a doubt, he feels guilty to leave Heechul hanging and alone during his pregnancy but at the same time, he can't stop feeling scared and mad about how Heechul did not try to understand his point of view at all. Every time he remembers what the doctor had said, Leeteuk always feels his heart squeezing in fear. Something he really wanted several years ago has now become something he really hates. He hates how out of control everything is to him and how he feels like Heechul is just slipping through his fingers. Sometimes, he wakes up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat after a horrible nightmare filled with blood, pain, and Heechul's screams.

Yet, despite all that, he would still unconsciously walks into a baby shop to just mindlessly see some of the pregman baby clothes and toys. Pregman baby is always smaller than the ones born from a woman since the pregman's womb is not as big as a woman's and looking at how small and cute the clothes are— he couldn't help but smile.