“Dear Ali,” I muttered, my breath hitching as I started to read the letter. “I could never say these things to your face,” I said, my voice more sure as my eyes flitted up to where she was. “So I’m writing it, and I hope wherever you are, you remember me,” I continued, and I didn’t need to read from the letter, because I’d memorized the words long ago, but I did anyway because it’s what he would’ve wanted.
“I love your direct approach at everything,” I said, lowering myself so I was on the ground. “I love that you could never stay mad at me,” I said, and I felt myself fighting back tears. “I love that you could never make cookies without eating half the dough,” I said, laughing at the reality of things, how things had turned out.
“I love your voice,” my voice choked out, my eyes never leaving the paper where the words that burned in the back of my mind originally were written. “I love the way you never take no for an answer,” I said, taking a moment to pause and collect myself.
It was so real, the reality was real and terrible and mean. I never understood what people meant when they said the world was cruel until now.
“I love the way you locked yourself in your room when you needed to study,” I added, my voice constantly catching and grasping for air whenever my eyes left the paper, reminding myself this was the end, and it was so different than I imagined it would.
“I love the way you made me feel like I was the center of your universe,” I said, and I’m not sure she heard it, and in all honesty I’m not sure if she heard any of it, but I was going to say it all. “I love your blonde hair, how it always fell into your face,” I said, trying to think of how she’d do that, trying to think of how her hair looked like that, long and hiding her eyes. “I love the way you pushed it behind your hair after,” I laughed, it seemed so funny, how I always imagined her doing that, but never got the chance to see it in reality.
“I love that you always sat through my matches, no matter how cold it got,” I said, and the unusually warm air surrounded me, going against the words I had just said. I didn’t need to wear my jacket, but I had worn it when I found the letter, and I was going to wear it while I was reading it out loud for the first time. “I love how you kissed me teasingly on the lips,” I said and I laughed at how true, in a twisted way, the words were. She teases me all right; she teased me to the point that she never kissed me.
“I love how you hid in the snow, and wanted me to find you,” I read, rolling my ankle and frowning that it didn’t sink a centimeter, but only felt hard ground, grassy and solid, not even sloshy snow at that point. There wasn’t any snow to even think she could’ve hid in. When my eyes found the next sentence I stopped and raised my eyes to the sky.
“I love you even though you left me,” I said in a mumble, slow like I was talking through honey. “I love you Allison,” I muttered, my eyes ripping from the cloudy, pale blue above and back to white marked with black, dotted with random numbers that didn’t seem like they fit.
“And you’ll never read this,” I said, starting the final paragraph. It had never hit me as it had before. The words so true, so raw and real. “Some stranger will pick this up and read this,” I said and I’d always felt as if I’d be talking about myself in third person, but as I actually let the words slip through my lips, I knew that wasn’t true. “And they’ll fall in love with you,” I said, my voice dropping, just as the heavily blotted u did at it’s curve.
“They’ll fall for your quirks,” I read, everything that had been loved about her rushing into my thoughts. “Because you’re pretty amazing Ali,” I said, and to anyone listening into what I was saying you would have thought that was the end of my speech, the end of my declaration. I wasn’t the end though. The most important hadn’t even come yet.
“But I can’t tell this to your face,” I said, and I never thought it as literally as reality set it out to be. “So I’m hoping whoever finds this will tell you,” I continued, the harsh realization hitting me that no one ever would, no matter how hard they tried. They could try, but they never could.
“I hope they’ll find you,” I stated, and that part didn’t feel scripted. The whole letter, how it sounded coming from me, didn’t sound scripted at all. That one line though, it wasn’t a lie, I hope they would be able to find her.
“I hope they’ll love you as much as I do,” I muttered, but it wasn’t just hope, it was a state of knowing. Liken when people are so modest to the point that they were fishing for compliments. It was like that when the words passes through my lips; I knew they’d love her, I was just stating it for the hell of it.
“I love you Allison Murphy,” I said, saying the name that changed my life.
“Although you’ll never love me.” I finished, allowing myself to look up from the letter. Is should’ve said the last words, where I signed off, what the letter prompted me to say, but I couldn’t. I never knew her and it’d be a lie to say those five words. So instead I finished there, and looked at the grave where Allison Murphy lay, flowers surrounding the gray stone. As I set my flowers to join the rest I noticed that each and every one was signed the same way. Sincerely, the boy you never knew.
Allison Rose Murphy
Beloved Sister and Daughter
April 13, 1954 – October 1972
Authors Note ~ PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. Yes, in case you haven't Allison is dead, and has been for quite a few years. The eplilogue will wrap everything up, and I will be posting that soon :) I was hesitant posting this last chapter, because it means that this is the end and although this is merely a short story I've grown very attached to Niall, and yes Allison, even though she was never alive.
Please leave your comments, and I'm sorry if you wanted a reunion of the two. If you guys like I may post an alternate ending, where Allison is young and the two meet and la la la they fall in love with one another, but I'm not sure. I hope you guys liked it though, and I really, really, really hope, even if you're a ghost reader please comment and vote and show me the love.
I love you all very much and because I can't think of a way to find someone to dedicate this chapter to, I will simply dedicate it to all of you, ever single one of you because you love you all, even if I've never spoken to you personally.
So yah, I kinda love you guys :D
<3
Luce
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Finding Allison (A Niall Horan Short Story)
FanfictionHe could've opened it right then and there, making the whole process move quicker, but he slipped it into his jacket pocket, bringing his eyes back up to a normal level, moving forward. The paper was now his, it was no longer in a confused state of...
