Ray Of Hope

1. Therapy

Thank you Varghesebenson for cover picture

1 YEAR LATER

Eliza's POV

"Don't touch.. Leave me... Help please.. Don't... Help me.. Ahhh.. Leave me please..." I was running. He caught me and slapped me. "Leave me.. Don't touch me please.. " I sobbed.

"Eliza.. Liza.. Wake up Liz.. Its just a dream.. Wake up Liz.. " I heard someone and shaking me.

I squinted opened my eyes adjusting to the light and saw my brother Joshua. His eyes were glazing as always. I grimaced. I rubbed my face to clean up the tears and noticed my wet sheets due to my profuse sweating as always since last 13 months. Same dreams. Same nightmare. Or dare I say same horrific memories.

"Liz was it same." I just nodded. "How are you? " I closed my eyes and sighed hearing the same question. I'm tired. I simply nodded a yes.
"Liz get ready you have your last appointment today and its already 8" Josh said.

"Yeah.. OK.. I'll be down in 30. " I replied. He left.

I was ready wearing my jeans and top.
"Amachi, Apacha good morning "
(Translation : Grandma, Grandpa)
I greeted my grandparents. They replied a cheerful good morning.

Joshua was driving me to my appointment.

Ohh.. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Eliza Rose Mathews. Yaa, the same one who was raped by a stranger in an alleyway on March 30th and who attempted to do suicide just because I was tired with life. I'm daughter of Mr. George P Mathews and Mrs. Hannah Lily Mathews. My dad is an Contractor and we also have a shop in town, my mom is a nurse. I have a brother Joshua Carter Mathews who is doing his MBA.

Then me who is a Chartered Accountant who is /was working with TCS. I resigned last year after my rape case blown up. Now I'm preparing for ICWAE papers.
(for a CA job in UK one paper has to be written after completing 2 years experience in India). Just to leave everything behind and run to a place where no one knows me and.. and about my rape. To leave the judging eyes. To leave people's sympathetic looks. To leave accusing hands. Just few more months and I will be gone, hopefully.

I'm fed up with this life but I'm not going to make the same mistake of suicide. I will not give more pain to my family. I still remember that day when I woke up in the hospital bed again.

Flashback 1 year

I opened my eyes in hopes to find myself in hell. But instead I was greeted with white walls, saline and a bandaged wrist. My mom was sitting on the chair near my bed while dad and Josh were on the couch. I croaked,"W..ate..r" In an instant water was near me. I was terrified to look at my mothers eyes. I was ashamed. I could feel 3 sets of eyes on me.

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Atlast Dad broke the silence. "I'll call the doctor" he said. I looked at my mom. She had bags under her eyes. Her eyes were puffy and red. She didn't talk to me but cried silently. Josh came near me his eyes were same glassy and puffy and blood on his shirt. "Why did you do it? How dare you pull that stunt?" Josh asked.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I didn't want to live.. I was tired mom. I was feeling dirty. I could feel his hands on me. I tried to scrub it away. I just wanted everything to end. I just wanted to get rid of all the pain, all the pity looks. I couldn't see how you were all paining. I just wanted to die and to get some peace. I'm sorry Josh. I'm sorry mom. I'm so sorry dad. I'm so so sorry." I cried.

A doctor came towards me checked my vitals and said "She is fine to leave. Blood flow was less or we would have lost her. I didn't inform the cops knowing her situation. No worries. She will be weak, make sure she eats well and drinks ample amount of water. And you young lady, don't you dare do that again. Suicide is not the solution to your problems. Be strong and face it. Don't let the rapist win. He broke your body, dont let him break your soul. You have to live and be there for your parents. They need you like you need them."He left after I mumbled Yes and Okay.

Mom hugged me and made me promise that I'll never hurt myself again. Josh and Dad were angry at me but forgave me when I cried sorry to them.
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I opened my eyes to find myself looking at a 2 storey house. Name plate read 'Dr. Sarah Thomas.'
My therapist for last 8 months. I saw her 1 month later since I came to Kerala, my native place.

I rang the doorbell. Her receptionist opened the door. She greeted me. "Eliza Mathews is here madam. Your 11 am. "

I knocked on the familar door and heard a 'come in'. I opened the door and came face to face with a 35 year old, black haired woman who always have a pleasant smile her face which brings a smile on my face in an instant.

"Hi Dr. Sarah, how are you?"
"You stole my line and someone is cheerful today. Is it because today is the last session?" Dr. Sarah asked.
" No Dr. Sarah just thought for a change ask you the question how are you, you are always the one asking me on my well-being so just thought today's the last day and reverse the roles I asked about your well being so how are you?"

Dr Sarah replied, "I am fine everything is going smooth. Nothing to worry about and now tell me how are you?"
"I am fine Dr. Sarah no worries. Just a nightmare today. Also I slept fine yesterday , I woke up only once in the middle of the night, I had the same nightmares twice. Rest everything is fine. Hopefully this nightmares will pass away."
"Yess Eliza, everything will be fine. I still remember when you came for the first time you where so fragile and weak. You had bags under your eyes. You couldn't even speak one whole sentence, you just spoke 3 lines in the session - 'My name is Eliza, I was raped and I have nightmares' and now we have progress you are looking fine, nightmares are less. So when are you leaving tomorrow? what are your plans?"

"My departure is by 1 pm tomorrow in Calicut Airport. I will reach by evening in Mumbai. Hopefully I don't get sympathetic and pitying looks again. I'll try to socialize with my friends. I have to prepare for my exams and then if I pass my test I will have to find a job in UK then I'll be free from this country."

"Do you want to ask anything Eliza? If you want to speak to me at any point of time please do call me wherever you are. Whenever you are unable to cope up with the situations just talk to me or someone. Don't bottle up your emotions let it out, speak your mind. Do what your heart wishes to do. Don't let anyone pull you down or don't let them walk all over you. Fight. It's almost one year, people will forget everything eventually. Don't worry about anything. Write your exams well and I am sure you will pass your exams with flying colours and you will get a good salary job in UK and then you will marry the love of your life."
I chuckled at the thought of love my life

Dr Sarah asked, "Why are you laughing?"
I scoffed , "Will I ever get a chance to love someone or will someone love me?. I am a trash. I don't want to marry. I don't want to be in a loveless marriage. I don't think anyone will accept me, my nightmares, panic attacks, with scratches on my body."

Dr Sarah smiled,"Fate will give you the person who will Love You unconditionally and will understand you and will fight for you and help you fight your battles. He will be your strength. Don't lose hope. Sometimes just a ray of hope is enough to bring the light in the dark room, just a ray. Everything will be alright. Take care Eliza."

"You too take care Dr Sarah. I will call you when I will need you. Thank you for everything. I hope we meet again. Bye. "I waved and left the house.

Tomorrow I will have to face my weakness. The people. I'll be in Mumbai tomorrow. Hope everything goes well.

Author's Note :
Hey guys, it's my first book. So please do help me. Let me know your suggestions. Please do vote and share my book. Will meet you guys next week.