Cowboy Bring Me Back

16

Stevie was just laying on her right side, on her side of the bed staring out her balcony at the rain and the thunder and the lightning. She was motionless, numb just laying there to the point where she didn't even register Colton crawling in the bed with her. Colton loomed over his mom and he saw her tears lightly streaming down her face. Then he looked at her nightstand where he saw a lamp, a journal, and two pictures. They were smaller pictures 4x6s. One was of him he had to have been two or three and he was wearing a little red and white plaid shirt and a pair of denim overalls, on his little head was a light brown cowboy hat the matching boots on his feet, and he was riding on a pony at the center, Lindsey holding him wearing a matching red and white plaid shirt and denim jeans, he had the boots on and the cowboy hat. They were both smiling like little maniacs. Then in front of it but slightly off to the side, was another picture. Livinia was only a couple of weeks old and she was sitting in her little baby swing wearing a blue fuzzy-looking sleeper with pink polka dots on it and a little pink fox. One of her hands was up by her nose. Then on the wall right where she was staring next to the French Doors was a big 8x10. Lindsey was sitting on the Hospital bed with Stevie, he had Colton sitting on his lap and Stevie was holding a newborn Livinia, the only family photo they ever took together. 

It was when Colton touched her that she finally took notice of the other person that was in the room.

"Momma." He states, but she stiffened again and tried to bat him off of her.

"Momma." He repeats.

She ignores him and then he sighs and scooches down on the bed and situates himself diagonally and lays his head on her bicep.

"I'm not going to leave you alone until you talk to me, Mom." He tries just laying there.

"Oh but see, I'm not your mom anymore." She rolls her eyes.

"I was four." He pouts.

"I know baby, but it still hurts and I know I did it to myself and I regret it every day but just hearing that it was like a slap in the face." Stevie sighs.

"I'm sorry...I love you." He replies.

"Do you?" Stevie asks.

"I was a momma's boy before you left. You've said it, Dad's said it, I knew it too. I hated it when you left. I was so mad at you, and I just... I thought you didn't love us anymore. Like how could you have left. But dad took us to Nordstrom and he let me pick out the gifts that we got for you as a homecoming present and it just it hit me really hard. And I just kind of pushed it down. But then dad and I were in a record shop when I was like fourteen because that's what we'd do on Sundays. Liv would always go to Lola's and hang out with her and do their homework so dad and I would go to the record store. It's not in Agoura Hills it's about eight minutes out in Westlake Village and Stevie Nicks was the first like tab in the N section and I saw your picture on an album cover. I never knew your last name. Never. You were just Momma and everyone called you Stevie I asked Dad why it looked like the woman I remember my mom looking like and he just gave shy smile and he ruffled my hair and went over to the Johnny Cash section. But I looked you up and I listened to a couple of your songs watched a couple of your live performances and I started missing you again. When you showed up I was shocked but I was a little bit angry also because I couldn't figure out why you had left us." He shrugs.

"Colton, sit up a minute." Stevie sighs and he does.

He watches her walk over to what looks like a jewelry box on one of the dressers and then she turns a key and she lifts the lid and she pulls out an envelope and walked back over to him.

"A long time ago, like 1980-1990, I lived in Paradise Valley which is in Arizona. It was about ten minutes from my mom and dad in Scottsdale. Now, 81-91 is hazy but I still did a lot of work until about 1987 and then I really lost it. That was when the Klonopin took hold the most, 1987, 88, 89, are not good years for me. But not the point. I got this letter in 1985." She holds it out to him.

"Can I read it?" He asks.

"That's why I gave it to you." She nods.

So Colton takes a deep breath and starts reading the scratchy, scrawly, handwriting.

"To My Beautiful Dove, it'll be soon. I'm coming to see you. I can't wait to meet you, touch you, love you. I can't wait to press into your silky folds and make you scream my name...Mom I don't want to read this." He whines.

"Keep reading." She states.

"I'm going to make you fall in love with me, just by looking at me. And then when we have kids, our pretty little girl is just going to be like her momma and we'll make so much great love...Mom, is he talking about a threesome with your child?" 

"It gets worse." 

"You'll scream my name every night and your sexy, raspy, voice will get even raspier and I'll be the reason and you'll write all these great songs about me and we're going to live happily ever after. And then if you die first, well I'll just have to kill myself. But if I die first I'm going to have someone kill you so we can be together for eternity. I love you my sweet little dove. Jesus mom. Why the fuck do you have this." 

"I have it so I can compare handwriting. I started dating J. D. Souther around this time. He's a singer-songwriter for the Eagles. We had a very public relationship, and even then a very public break up...but when our relationship surfaced, the same man that wrote this letter, wrote me one saying that I better not have a kid with him, because he'd take the kid and he'd get rid of it, so we could be together. That's when I took it to the cops. They couldn't do much because there was never a name on it, and handwriting analysis rarely works. And this was before Karen, she fields them now, and I rarely see a letter like that,  but some do get passed her. The reason I sold my Paradise Valley home was that he broke in. I kept it private in the media but he did, he broke in, I caught him digging through my dirty clothes with a pair of my panties waded up in his hands.  I had Glen Parrish, my manager at the time with me so luckily we were able to call the authorities and I was protected and even though he was arrested, I said my testifies and then I left. I didn't stay around for the sentencing I don't know when he'll get out. If he'll get out if he was even arrested. But Karen has a copy and I have a copy and we use it to compare handwriting just in case. I was going to come home, and I was going to tell the world about you guys but the day after I decided that I got mobbed by fans and paparazzi, and I said no, I have to keep them safe. Your dad doesn't even know about this, and he's not going to, because it happened before I met him. Do you understand Colton. Don't tell anybody you read this." She states.

"Okay, I won't. I love you, mom." He hugs her.

"I love you too." She returns the hug.