Child (Book 2)

Chapter 2

"I'm looking for someone who would've been staying here recently, his name is Marcurio." I mumble across the counter to the Argonian woman tending the bar.
"I'm sorry, I don't give out my customer's information." She says gruffly, cleaning a tankard with a cloth; she doesn't sound sorry at all. I sigh and slide a few coins across the counter to her under my fingers. "Yeah, he's still staying here, been here a few months. He's up in his room. I forget which it is." She grumbles. I sigh and move away from the counter towards the stairs. I hold my breath as I pass through the crowded tavern to the stairs; their scents tortuous as they are inviting. I can't indulge in blood again, not if I want to stay alive. The need is so intense that I doubt I'll be able to go much longer without hunting again.
Once I'm on the upper level, I can see that all the rooms have open doors except one. I don't see him anywhere else, so that must be his room.
This is it.
Why can't I knock?
I've traveled all the way here, and I'm too afraid to knock.
What's wrong with me?
I can kill people without flinching but I can't knock on Marcurio's door?
I close my eyes and sigh before firmly knocking once, twice, three times.
"Just a moment." A man says inside. My nerves tinge and my heart races. I can't do this; I have no right to ask this of him. I turn away from the door and look desperately for an escape. Before I can even move, the door clicks behind me. "Can I help you?" the man says quietly. I turn my head to the side, just enough that I can see him but he can't see me behind my hood.
The man standing behind me looks like Marcurio, but older, perhaps many years older. He doesn't look younger than me anymore. There's color in his face and his tall cheekbones don't protrude like they used to. His eyes don't look so dark and hollow, and he looks well-fed. Not to mention he wears only long pants, and seems to have built some muscle. His hair has been cut, but it's still long enough to be tied back in a neat ponytail.
"Is there something you need, miss?" He reiterates.
"Yes... I- well.." I stutter, turning my head down and my body to face him.
"Wait... I know you..." He says slowly. I'm growing very frustrated with myself. I throw my hood back on my shoulders.
"Yes, you do Marcurio." I mumble, finally looking up to meet his eyes. He's silent for a long time.
"Novariana." He greets me, his mouth in a thin line. "What are you doing here?" He asks.
"Looking for you." I grumble. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his angular nose.
"You've got a lot of nerve coming here, you know. I waited and waited, but you never responded to my letters." He says, setting his jaw.
"Letters? I only got one..."
"I sent two. The courier was directed to find you in Jorrvaskr in Whiterun... In any case, you didn't write back." He says with his arms folded in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Marcurio. I've been very busy, and... A lot has happened." I try to explain, my anger rising with a sick feeling in my gut.
"I don't wish to hear it, Nova. If my feelings were unreciprocated, fine. But there's no need to walk in here and torment me like nothing ever happened." He interrupts.
"You don't even know the kind of oblivion I went through trying to get here; I came here for your help, you ass!" I argue, not caring if the bar patrons downstairs can hear us. He scoffs at me.
"What sort of help could you need from me?" He mumbles after a moment. I sigh, wondering if I should even trust him enough to tell him, wondering if I should simply apologize for losing my temper and leave.
"Forget it." I snarl as I turn away from him.
"Where are you going?" He shouts.
"Away from you!" I snap, not even looking behind me as I stomp down the stairs.
I look up and all the bar patrons are watching me, including Brynjolf. I stare hatefully back at him, daring him to ask about my situation. Marcurio's door slams loudly upstairs and I flinch, prompting chuckles and knowing looks between everyone, but at least they finally look away. Well, all of them but Brynjolf, who is leaning flirtatiously over a girl, her arms crossed defensively as she glares at me.  I try to ignore them and walk to a bench in the corner to sit down and think.
What am I supposed to do now? Go alone to the College? Perhaps it's for the best; what if I hurt Marcurio too? I'd never forgive myself. There's really no point in staying in Riften any longer, but leaving now in the dead of night might be too tempting. After all, there are many unguarded farms surrounding the city wall. At least here, I know I can't risk transforming.
After paying the grumpy argonian and getting my room key, I climb up the stairs to my room, not even looking in the direction of Marcurio's closed door. Once the door to my room is shut, I let my heavy knapsack slide off of my shoulders and hit the floor with a resounding thud. In terms of furnishing I don't have much, just a bed, an end table, and a dresser, but it'll do for tonight. I sit on the bed. It's just straw and some animal pelts really, but I've never slept on beds with anything else.
I throw myself back into the bed and sigh. I'm exhausted but my mind is buzzing, and so is the bar downstairs; I can still smell them, hear their hearts beating. I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight. I close my eyes and think of the Companions back in Whiterun. I think of them mourning the loss of Skjor, thinking the Silver hand had killed him instead of their very own Shield-Sister; even if I don't exactly blame her for what she did. I can't imagine how Aela is doing. Something died in her that night along with her brother, I could see it in her eyes. I can't help but wonder what she would think if she arrived back at Jorrvaskr to find me missing. Would she be worried, or would she not care at all?

~

In my dreams, I'm standing in the fire pit in the mead hall at Jorrvaskr. For a moment I panic, but I quickly find that although the flames are all around me, it doesn't burn, I don't even feel it. I look around me and see the Companions all around sitting at the tables, eating, talking, but none of them are laughing, not even Torvar. Vilkas sits in a chair in the corner leaned over with his hands on his knees. His face is ashen and blank as he stares distantly at the floor. Everyone else seems to be very grim as well. Farkas and Ria stand by the door speaking in hushed tones, occasionally throwing worried glances in Vilkas's direction. Kodlak walks up the stairs and stands by him for a moment, but Vilkas doesn't seem to notice him. He sighs and pats his shoulder sadly, then starts to walk away. Aela is nowhere to be seen. Strangest of all, none of them seem to notice me. Every time I try to speak, I cough up smoke. I try stepping out of the fire, but my feet are buried deeply in the ash and burning logs.
Suddenly, the door bursts open and the room springs to life. Aela limps in and drops her bow in the floor, and would've followed it down had Ria not rushed over to catch her arm. Everyone jumps to their feet, and a few rush over to her to make sure Ria doesn't need help holding her up.
"Aela! Where have you been? Where are Skjor and Nova?" Kodlak asks as he moves quickly to her.
"Skjor.. Skjor is dead.. Killed by the Silver Hand.." Aela groans as her arm is gently wrapped around Ria's shoulders; something is wrong with her arm, or perhaps her shoulder. Suddenly, Vilkas is up and moving very quickly toward Aela, hatred beaming in his eyes.
"Where is she." He demands through clenched teeth. Farkas and Athis take the cue and slam into Vilkas's shoulders, holding him back.
"Where is she, you bitch! Tell me!" He shouts down at Aela as Farkas and Athis struggle against him, Torvar finally jumping in.
"Vilkas!" Kodlak yells, perhaps loud enough for all of Whiterun to hear, desperately trying to control the situation. Vilkas stops struggling, but still stares at Aela hatefully.
"I.. I don't know! I told her to... go back while I buried Skjor... She should be here.." Aela mumbles. As the words tumble out of her mouth, she begins to sob before she lays her head on Ria's shoulder. Ria gently pats her hair as she begins to cry as well, and everyone exchanges apprehensive glances. Vilkas shoves Torvar and his brother away, walking around Aela and Ria and shoves the door open, disappearing behind it.
"Aela, you must be exhausted. Ria, take her to her room." Kodlak finally says. Ria helps her down the stairs, but the rest of the Companions can't seem to do anything but stand and stare at each other. Athis falls into a chair, shocked into silence. I want to scream at them;  I try to scream, but only smoke and sparks come out of my throat. Finally, a noise comes out, but the only one that can hear it is me.

~

I wake up screaming and crying in a cold sweat. It couldn't have been real... There's no way it was real. There's no way I could've imagined it either. Someone is pounding on my door.
"Nova! What's going on? Open the door!" Marcurio yells. I stand up and rush to the door, opening it just enough that I can see him.
"It's just a bad dream, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry." I mumble, avoiding his eyes. He's silent for a long time, and I squirm awkwardly.
"I see... Are you sure you're alright?" He finally says.
"I'm fine, Marcurio." I insist, quietly shutting and locking the door again. As I turn around I see the paper and the quill laying on the bedside table.

I know what I need to do.