Two Girls.

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The smell of his cologne made my nose twitch, it was superior to any other smell. Filling the room, making the air thick and unbreathable. It clogged at the back of my throat and made me want to cough until I vomited.

He was everywhere, his body draped over mine. Making me sticky and hot with no room to move cramped in this single bed. Nowhere to escape, trapped under a mass of limbs I was suffocating.

He coiled his fingers into a fist and I watched his heavy hand bang once against my small chest with a thud. It did not hurt but it startled me and almost instantly my eyes opened and I was faced with reality.

Olivia stared back at me, nodding her head towards the door and a familiar jangle of keys brought me out of my darkness.

Shit.

"Liv, I -" The nervousness of my voice was not lost on the room. I wanted to explain to Olivia my roommate situation in a desperate need to come clean now that I was about to be caught out but it was too late. The door opened wide and Reece stood in the doorway.

"Hey roomie!" I felt Olivia stiffen beside me as she desperately pulled the bed sheet higher to conceal her bra.

"Reece!" I screeched with a high pitched tone, I cleared my throat and tried again to sound more normal "I thought you had soccer practice until three."

I felt like my face was on fire, ashamed to be caught out in my web of lies. Scared of Olivia's reaction. Without thinking I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to rein in my guilty expression. Olivia said nothing and I didn't feel brave enough to look at her so I avoided her eye contact. I hadn't lied to her exactly, I just purposely withheld the truth.

That is just as bad Liam.

Reece walked into the room completely unknowing to the fact that I had not let Olivia in on the small issue of her gender. She waved at Liv politely but Liv didn't wave back.

Double shit.

"Just grabbing my stuff." She said as she bent down to pull a gym bag out from under her bed. My eyes trailed her body, checking her out from behind. It was clear from her toned figure that working out all those hours did her body multiple favors.

Fuck sake Liam, don't check her out with Olivia sitting right there looking like she already wants to kill you.

She stood up and smiled beautifully at us, her hazel eyes twinkled but it didn't make the situation any sweeter. "Sorry to disturb you, I'll get out of your way now. You must be Olivia."

Jesus, don't talk to her. Don't prolong this, I've got some major groveling to do.

Olivia nodded beside me but didn't utter a single word, not a squeak. She had a problem with this for sure. Reece looked at me and gave the smallest of secretive smiles, it was a mocking one but I didn't return it.

"Well I'd love to stay and finish this conversation but like I said I'm late." Her tone was sarcastic and it wasn't going to do me any favors.

I watched Reece walk out of the door and Liv immediately sat up, pulling on her clothes and moving away from me.

This didn't seem good.

"She seems.... nice." She spat out sounding aggressive.

I watched as she paced the room and then settled for a desk chair in the far corner, she slipped her feet into the heels she wore at the bar last night and then drummed her fingers on the desk.

She wasn't going to approach this, she never does. Whenever she has a problem with something she avoids the situation and if I let her walk out of here now without sorting it out she'll avoid me altogether.

"Liv?" I asked nervously.

"Hmm?"

"It's okay she's a girl, right?" I felt awkward and shy approaching this. I did her wrong not telling her about Reece, I deserved the cold shoulder but at the same time I didn't want this to be a problem because Reece was my only friend here at Stanford and I didn't want to give that up. I should have just been honest with her from the start but I'm not used to this, I've never needed to answer or explain myself to anyone. I don't know how to do this boyfriend, relationship lark.

I'm such a dick.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" She was firing her answers fast at me, I did not know how to approach her. She wasn't being honest, telling me how she really felt.

"I can request a change if it's going to be a problem." I offered.

The room was quiet and I could see her engulfed in a mental argument with herself, or me. After a few lingering moments she said "I trust you Liam." repeating my words from last night.

My heart sank because I had success with tricking her into being okay with this. Everything about this felt wrong but I still couldn't bring myself to come clean. Why am I like this?

"I trust you but I would still hate it if your roommate was a guy." I told her honestly.

"It's fine." She answered, adding a fake smile to the mix like salt to the wound.

There was doubt written all over her face and I felt like I had betrayed her. She was distant with me the whole morning, right up until she made an excuse to leave and as soon as the door closed shut I lay back on the bed and breathed out a deep sigh.

In a moment like this when the truth had fallen out I thought I would feel a little lighter but I only felt heavier. Having Liv know about Reece will make my confusing feelings for Reece harder to hide.

My head was so clouded with everything going on inside of me that I didn't understand and I so badly wished that my friends were around to talk to, but they're not so I have to figure all of this stuff out on my own.

I pulled out my sketch pad and started drawing, separating the page into two halves. On one half I drew Olivia. Beautiful, light blonde hair with naturally loose curls, majestic eyes that shined brightly like the reflection of a forest on a still water lake and a perfect smile that mirrored her inner kindness on the outside.

On the other half I drew Reece. Hot, dark brunette hair that hung long and straight past her shoulders, her eyes were hazel with an unusual mix of green, purple and gold depending on how the light hit them. She was easy to talk to because we shared the same interests and had the same humor, it was just like being back with the guys. Comfortable.

Two girls.

Completely opposite to one another.

One of them knew too much. She reminded me of everything I was trying to leave behind. The other one didn't know enough. I could be anyone I wanted to be with her because she didn't know who I really was.

I stared down at the pages until the lines all blended into one mess of a blur. I expected my drawing to give me the answers I seeked but it just got me even more confused.

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