BAD BOY SAVED (male pov)

Good Memories

I thought about running away but then I knew I would fall into this pattern of avoiding her just because of my embarrassment. So instead we dressed, we laughed and we talked for hours about pointless topics. It was almost as if that terrible situation didn't happen but then I would get a niggling jab in the heart that reminded me it did.

"I have to go back inside soon, come with me?" She offered.

"Go back into that house where your parents caught us in bed together. No thank you." I laughed. Maybe I would have joined her if her parents were away but I never want to face them again. They're people I could definitely avoid because of my embarrassment.

"Where will you go?" I smiled at her but it didn't reach my eyes, I had tried to put off telling her about my house for as long as possible but now she has asked me outright and I need to tell her.

"I can go back home now Liv." Her face changed in an instant, worry claiming all of her beautiful features. "It's fine." I told her and kissed her cheek sweetly.

Honestly I don't know if it is fine. Jax could come back at any moment because the cops haven't yet arrested him, they can't find him. He stabbed my mom, he's pretty much capable of all sorts. But we knew that already.

Olivia scooted herself out of my arms and headed towards the door I realized in all of the mindless chatter we had been doing this evening I hadn't told her what I had come here to tell her. So I grabbed her arm, halting her just before she could leave and as she turned to me with expectant eyes I felt a little nervous to tell her but it was only right because what I decide to do with my money affects her too. After all I want whatever is mine to be hers as well.

"When I went to see mom today I told her I would pay to send her to rehab and once she completes the program and gets clean I will buy her a house somewhere far away from Jax." The smile drained from her face and she chewed down on her lower lip. I could almost hear the doubtful thoughts running through her mind. Her opinions on this subject matter were stated loud and clear and yet she hadn't even opened her mouth.

"You told her you are going to be making a lot of money?" She questioned in a tone of disbelief.

"Liv, don't, okay? I already know what you're thinking. I know and I agree but what can I do?"

My mom was going to try and play me as the fool, like always. I knew she just wanted a piece of my money. She wanted to sate her little drug habit with my money. That's why I wasn't going to let her see a dime of it. And if she didn't follow through with the program, really try to get clean, try to stay away from Jax I would cut her off all together. I was in control here. I just needed to keep my feelings and emotions out of it.

Olivia crawled back into the tree house fully and placed herself against one of the back walls. She looked at me with complete and utter interest. "Tell me about your mom." She said carefully.

I could feel the darkness rolling in, it washed over me like a sheet of anxiety and bad memories. It clawed at my neck. Why did Olivia want to know about my mom? She never loved me. She never cared for me. She never played with me. She never looked after me. It was all just ... absence.

"Tell me the good memories you have with your mom." She clarified, sensing the dark places my mind had traveled to.

What good memories?

I thought long and hard, searching for any good memories that I shared with my mom. I tried to do this when she was bleeding out on the floor but came out blank. She never came to or showed interest in my soccer games. She didn't get beautifully drunk, the drunk where you laugh at everything and dance and feel like you're on top of the world. All she got was cruel and violent when she had been drinking. She never really hit me, she just allowed Jax to but often her words would hurt more than the fists.

"Any memories, big or small." Olivia encouraged.

There was the time she acknowledged me. Looked me in eye and said thank you. It's a bit of a lame story to share and it wasn't really a great memory, more like a brief lapse in her personality. But it's the only one I got.

"Most weekends she would come in trashed on drugs and alcohol, anything she could get her hands on. One day she passed out in the bathroom and I must have only been about six. I took a warm face cloth and gently cleaned her face because she had that black eye lash stuff smeared all down her cheek and lipstick all over her chin. She was a mess. I cleaned her makeup off and as I did she woke up. She looked at me, like actually gave me eye contact and then she said 'thank you' and tussled my hair."

She sat staring at me like she waited for more, like she was holding on for the story to get to the good part. I sighed, knowing the story was ridiculous.

"After that I cleaned her makeup off every night she passed out, waiting for her to thank me again but she never did, not once. Mostly she told me to go away or didn't even acknowledge the gesture at all. Eventually I stopped all together drawing my own conclusion that the day she thanked me she was just strung out on whatever happy pills her dealer gave her that week."

"Liam..." She said with a heartbreaking tone.

Don't feel sad for me Liv, this is just my life. I was born with a mom that didn't love me.

"I just wanted to be loved by her Liv, why didn't she love me?" I spoke my thoughts and she reached over to grab my arm. Her movement was too quick and unexpected. I backed right away immediately and then face palmed myself for being so stupid.

"Sorry." She muttered with guilt.

I hated that she felt guilty for how fucked up I was.

"You're never going to stop apologizing for that are you?"

"Sorry" She mouthed again. Then she shook her head like she was annoyed at herself and I started laughing because she really did have the kindest heart.

"I spoke with a doctor." Her eyebrows quivered in surprise and I smiled bigger at her reaction.

"You did?" Her voice was a little more high pitched than usual although she was trying desperately to mask her shock.

"He gave me the contact details of the best therapist in town. I'm gonna wait until after summer. So I can start therapy close to Stanford. I really don't want to but these problems just keep coming."

Don't say it.

Don't say it.

Don't say it.

"Like me apparently."

"Liam!" She tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably.

"Sorry, I don't know why I'm even joking about it. It's horrifying." I put my head in my hand and shook my head with amusement. At least now I feel comfortable enough to laugh at myself with her.

"I'm proud of you Liam, I think therapy could really help." I took hold of her hand and kissed her knuckles. I'm scared as hell of therapy but she wants me to do it, Jordan wants me to do. They've both never failed me yet. I need to listen to them.

"Your parents will be wondering where you are, you better go." I pointed out, not really wanting her to leave but unfortunately she agreed and after saying goodnight I watched her climb down the wooden planks and disappear into her house.

I scrolled mindlessly through my phone before I left for my own house of horrors.