BAD BOY SAVED (male pov)

Deeper into the darkness.

The pitch lay in darkness except for a couple of floodlights that offered spools of light in certain areas of the grass. Everything here was different. The sun had turned cold, wrapping an unwelcome chill around my body that I couldn't fight off no matter how many layers of armor I wore. There was a storm brewing in the sky, one that had the power to strike with the sharpest beam of lightening. The grass was dying, falling away and leaving rough patches of mud in it's wake.

This place was filled with an overwhelming sadness, it was in everything. Like the raindrops, ones too harsh to be caught by an umbrella. The type of raindrops that accompany the wind and soak through your clothes in seconds, blowing your umbrella inside out and leaving you fully exposed.

I wanted to go back home, to Jax. I would take my struggle of bills and beatings over the emotional pain this place caused me. At home Olivia and I would be together. My light, my savior.

I highered the glass bottle to my lips and took a swig of the vodka, it tasted like pure chemicals and although I tried to convince myself it was working I could still feel this pain. She was still on my mind. Their kiss.

Stupidly I thought my biggest struggle would be her unexpected touch and of course the intimacy. That's what I expected when we first got together. But as usual my mental blocks fucked everything up before we even got to the intimacy. The physiological issues of my dick confused me and I thought I had feelings for Reece when that couldn't have been further from the truth. But that wasn't my biggest challenge, being around Olivia was, which is something I never, ever expected to face.

Everything about her reminded me of home. She induced the darkness and brought up memories of my past. But the alternative is much, much worse. Without her I'm living the darkness instead of just being reminded of it.

I took another drink of the poison, I had consumed so much I could smell it leaking from my person through my sweat glands.

Well fuck her.

I went years without her, watching her with Ben. I'll do it again. She wants Luke, fine. She can have Luke. She can have anyone she wants. I don't care anymore. Maybe I'll move on too, find someone else to love.

Nobody will compare to her Liam.

Or maybe I'll go back to my old ways, get what I need from girls and then leave them. My dick clearly works again and there is less drama that way. I took another sip, swishing the liquid around my mouth to cover all areas. I didn't like the taste but that wasn't important.

Olivia really hurt me.

Why didn't she just let me explain?

I have never lied to her, avoided her questions, withheld the truth, sure. But lied? Never. She should know by now I tell her everything... eventually. It's hard for me to let people in, to explain myself to someone. I didn't tell her about Reece because I was afraid, I didn't want to ruin the one amazing thing in my life. But the second she got the chance to leave she took it, maybe she wanted out all along.

I lowered my head, feeling a little dizzy and disorientated thanks to the alcohol buzz. I breathed in the night air deeply and then exhaled, making my brain fuzzy.

Every trail of my sanity had disappeared, leaving me alone with the heaviness of my emotions. I couldn't find my way out. There was nothing left for me to cling onto. All hope and reason was gone.

In the quiet of the night I felt her presence, she slipped onto the bench beside me but didn't speak or touch me. I could smell her delicious scent so strongly, it smelt of love, comfort, safety and Olivia.

Was I hallucinating?

Minutes of silence passed by. I have never felt more lost yet she knew exactly where to find me. Like she always does. The intoxicating smell of coconut and coca butter brought me home, it was like a blanket of reassurance.

"I am so lost." I whispered, keeping my head buried low down under my hood.

Her warm hand found mine, offering me comfort. Her skin was smooth and soft, it clasped around mine protectively. Letting me know that she was still here. But I don't know if I was strong enough to still be here.

I raised my head allowing her see the turmoil on my face. It told her everything, exposed all of my secrets. She gasped and coiled backwards at first glance, obviously alarmed by all of the cuts and bruises masking my face but it's nothing she hasn't seen before.

"Oh my god Liam." She exclaimed.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. Her forehead wrinkled slightly, telling me that she was troubled by my display. She blamed herself but she would never admit that.

"What happened?" She asked slowly, opening her eyes again to take a better look at my colourful flesh.

I looked down at our hands. I couldn't remember who was in the wrong anymore. Me or her. The whole situation felt wrong. She waited for an answer patiently and I knew I needed to explain to her how fucked I actually am, again.

"I picked a fight with some alleyway pimp and then stood back and let him hurt me because I wanted to feel it." I could feel my cheeks pink under the bright floodlights and I felt ashamed.

Why are you so fucking messed up Liam?

Her beautiful eyes searched my face, she was trying to understand my logic but she wasn't judging me. Even now, when the atmosphere between us is toxic she finds me in the dead of night and offers me her hand along with a supportive gaze. This girl believes I cheated on her, yet she still makes sure I still feel her love so strongly.

She's too good for you Liam. Let her go.

"You finally escaped all of that why would you want to feel a beating again?" She asked quietly.

Because Liv, I am trying to numb the emotional pain with the physical pain. I lost you. My worst fear came true, you turned your back on me. Ran for the hills. And why? Because my teammates told you something happened when it didn't. You were so quick to believe them, believe that I would do that to you. I watched Luke touch you, kiss you. Something I have to climb mountains just to do. And he does not even appreciate it, how easy it comes.

You make me mad, you make me sad. You give me hope and you break my heart. I'm fragile, broken, damaged. I can't do it, I can't rely on you because when you are not there anymore it breaks me entirely.

I need to leave. Let you go.

"You don't get to ask me those questions anymore Liv." I told her sadly.

I stood up, wincing as my torso naturally stretched out. I grabbed it with my arm trying to dampen the pain but the dull ache remained. Olivia watched me hobble off into the distance, further away from her, deeper into the darkness.