Evanna- Love Me or Don't

Home

idk if y'all noticed this, last chapter when anna first saw eva i used a quote directly from when they were by the pool together, i thought it'd be cool to have anna think the same thing twice, looking at eva both times

    Anna's POV:

    They're letting me go, finally. I slept the night here, but was unable to actually get much rest. My guilt over everything kept me up. Eva- I can tell she's really hurt but not admitting it. I love her. I really do. And I did this to her.

    It almost supports my reasoning for not wanting a relationship with her. I was afraid of hurting her. And look what happened. Even more reason for this not to work. Or is it the other way around, where I should just not hesitate and maybe I won't hurt her?

    I need time. I need time to think. Time and space. Maybe, in the end, I'll decide she's right for me. No, that's not true. I know she's right for me. I don't know if I'm right for her. I'm fucked up, I'm slipping.

    And I had a lot of thinking I did, thinking about that night, the days before. I remembered Sab's words. The hatred in her voice. I realized she didn't come visit me. At all.

    Eva's POV:

    I blocked Conner on everything. Yet somehow he's finding ways to contact me. Texting my friends, creating new Insta accounts and messaging me, doing the same on TikTok. I ignore everything but it's really getting to me. He's obsessive and I can't escape.

    Anna's coming home today. She told me she wants to take an Uber home instead of driving with one of us just to clear her head before she comes back. So Katie and I are heading home after our morning visit. Anna looked tired, worn out, but she recognized Katie so it was a success.

    Everyone's a bit on edge. Nobody's forgiven her. But it's hard to stay angry when you see how much she's suffering, too. I mean, she wanted to go that far, that's when we have to ignore the smaller problems for now and focus on her health.

    When we walk into the house, Sab is sitting on the couch. She avoided us yesterday, so this is the first time I've seen her since Anna got taken to the hospital. I take a seat next to her and she shifts away slightly.

    "Hey, how you feeling?" I ask.

    "Horrible."

    "Sab, it's okay, you were angry. She doesn't know what you said, it's okay."

    "I went to go see her, Eva, I got in my car to drive there to see her but I just couldn't. I couldn't do it. I feel so guilty, bro, I don't know why I ever said that."

    "Well you'll see her soon, alright? Just make sure you're calm, make sure she feels okay, and it'll be just fine. You were angry in the moment. We all say things we don't mean. It's okay."

    Anna's POV:

    I have to take a deep breath before punching in the garage code. This probably won't be fun. It doesn't even feel like home right now. It feels like anger.
I open the door slowly and first thing I see? Eva and Sab, sitting on the couch. They both immediately spin around and Eva jumps up.

    "Hey! You're home!"

    "Yeah," I respond, looking over at Sab. She's looking down at the carpet, but soon looks up and flinches when she sees my looking at her. "Hey."

    "Hey, uh, how're you feeling?"

    "I'm fine." I pause. Is saying this a bad idea? "Not that you care." Her gaze shoots to Eva, who looks back at her, eyes wide. "Oh, surprise? Yeah. I'm not deaf."

    She backs away a bit, mumbling something that I don't quite catch.

    "Where were you?" I shout at her. "You hated me that much that you didn't give a fuck what happened to me, you didn't even come see me in the hopsital."
"I tried. I'm sorry, I did try."

    "You tried. What does that mean, your car ran out of gas? No, it means you thought about it and decided not to." I storm upstairs to my room, ignoring her as she tries to dig herself out of the hole she's in.

    Footsteps sound on the stairs behind me and a hand gently touches my shoulder. Eva.

    "Anna, she really didn't mean what she said. She cares about you, she was scared for you. Look at her. She feels guilty, she really does. Everyone said and did things they didn't mean, right? We've all gotta move on at some point."

    I breathe out slowly and nod.

    "Fine. But I don't wanna see her right now."

    "Can I come up with you?" she asks. I just want to be alone, but I tell her yes. Eva follows me to my room and I flop back onto my bed. "Listen, I hate to bring this up right now, but I have to take this stuff from you. I'm not risking anything happening to you again. So if you're fine with it, I'm gonna go search your closet and bathroom. And then your room. Or you can give it to me. Either option is fine but I need everything you have."

    "Please. No."

    "Anna, I'm not fucking losing you. I'm starting with your closet." And then she just goes and starts rummaging through my closet. Invasion of privacy much?

   
    Eva's POV:

    I ended up finding two bottles of pills and more alcohol than I could carry. Where did she even get all this? The look on her face when she sees me stumbling trying to balance as much as I could proved to me that taking it was a good idea.

    After I check the rest of her bathroom and room, I sit down next to her on the bed. It's silent for a while. Both of us are just thinking. So much has happened recently... it's a lot to take in.

    "You alright?" she asks eventually.

    "Yeah," I say, laying back next to her. "Just a lot going on."

    "I'm sorry, Eva. I really am. I messed up and I know it but I never meant to hurt you. I pushed you away so I didn't hurt you. But I guess that didn't go as planned. I- you're beautiful, Eva, and I can't help falling in love with you, but I don't want to risk hurting you."

    She's falling in love with me. Finally.

    "It's okay, Anna. You won't hurt me." Can't hurt me worse than what you've already done, I guess.

    "No but I did. And I don't want to do it again."

    "Anna. Just follow your heart and I'll have to respect whatever you decide. Okay? I'll understand. Why don't you rest now, it's been a long few days." I stand up, letting out a tired sigh, and head for the door. There's a rustle behind me and she says,

    "Wait."

    Then her arms are around me, holding me tightly, everything we've left unsaid being conveyed right now without words. I take a deep breath and relax into the hug, wrapping my arms around her, burying my head in her shoulder. I consider kissing her but decide to stick with the hug. It feels more emotional this way.

    "I love you, alright?" I whisper.

    "I love you, too."