"You made flowers grow in my lungs;
And although they are beautiful,
I cannot breathe."
*
The funny things about humans, is that we are incapable of letting go of the past. We cling desperately to former glories, as though somehow they will translate to the present and make everything okay.
My mother was no exception, in fact she was a firm follower of the rule. For years I'd watched her pine over my long absent father, I'd seen her shed ocean loads of tears; all over a man who'd long since demonstrated an inability to love.
Unfortunately for me, Luther, I did not have the liberty of turning to such methods for comfort. Because unlike most people, I could not hold onto the glory of my past, simply because I had no glory to hold onto. I realise now that you were my only redeeming feature, and I was your hamartia, the sole blemish in your otherwise perfect life. Yet somehow, we made it work. We balanced each other out, and while we both worked to convince ourselves that our friendship was mutually beneficial I think we both knew that was not the case.
Because as I stand hear now, beside your open grave, all I can think about is how true Marcy Spellman's third grade statement was. I am nothing without you. Yet I cannot continue to be nothing without you. Your absence may take some getting used to, but you knew that anyway. Perhaps that's why you left the list. It's no surprise that you're perfect even in death. But I swear to you, Luther, I will do everything to complete that list, because I know that only then will I be free to move on.
Because just because you're gone, it doesn't mean that I am too.
*
Dedicated to xxstoptryingxx because 30 Reasons To Die is one of the most beautiful books I've ever read.
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Side Effects
Teen Fiction"As Hazel Grace once said, in all her Natalie Portman-esque glory, cancer is a side effect of dying. I don't know how true that is, but what I do know is that Luther was a side effect of leukaemia. And I was a side effect of Luther." * When Camilla'...
