Side Effects

one

Dedicated to cxsmicology for the cover on the side, which is possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

*

And if I move on,

I admit you're gone.

And I ain't ready,

But I'll hold steady.

- Eye Of The Needle, Sia

Five years, two months and three days.

That's how long I've been a student at this school, yet during those five years no-one had ever looked at me the way that people were looking at me now. I could feel their gazes burning into my back and I wished that I had accepted Olivia's offer to drive to school with me today. Sighing I shifted the strap of my backpack so as it rested comfortably on my shoulder as I turned to face my locker.

I could feel Olivia's presence behind me but I did my best to ignore her as I slowly and deliberately unlocked my locker and began removing the books that I needed, placing them carefully in my backpack, before finally turning back to face Olivia.

"Tough morning huh?"

I looked at her incredulously, at a loss for words.

"Ya think?"

Smiling dryly she merely took my arm and led me down the hallway towards my first class, Calculus. It really did seem as though the universe was conspiring against me this morning. We didn't share the same classes, Olivia and I, bar English which we both had together twice a week, but she made a point of us always walking to classes together.

In the beginning I had thought that it was because of Luther.Even before he died I was always "the cancer guys best friend" but as our friendship progressed I had grown to realise that it was simply because she liked the company. Nonetheless, whatever the reason I was certainly glad of it today.

As we reached the classroom and I moved to enter Olivia placed her hand on my shoulder, restraining me, and forcing me to look at her.

"They're going to stare Cam. But just ignore them."

"I'll see you at lunch," I replied, deliberately ignoring her statement. I heard her sigh softly before she left and headed towards her own classroom. I knew that she meant well, I knew that everyone did, but the staring wasn't something that I could just ignore. Luther had been used to it, it happened to him all the time and yet it never fazed him in the slightest.

Whenever he noticed that it was getting to me he would merely remark that whoever it was, was obviously just enraptured by his "unbelievable hotness."

Entering the classroom with a slight smile on my face I made my way towards my seat at the back of the classroom, sliding into it and placing my bag onto the floor beside me. Unfortunately my calculus teacher believed in assigned seating so I was stuck sitting beside Ryder Collins, self-confessed jerk and one of the most popular people in my high school. Luckily for me, he found calculus just as difficult as I did, so he tended to keep to himself during those classes.

Today however, he seemed to have other ideas.

I could vaguely hear my teacher droning on about implicit differentiations, but the majority of my attention was being taken up by the overly muscular boy, sitting on my right, who was currently drumming an exceedingly rapid beat on the top of his desk.

Ignoring the increasingly irritating noise, I turned back towards the front of the classroom and struggled once more to concentrate on the impossibly difficult problem that Mrs. Rudd was currently solving on the board like it was no more challenging than breathing.

Eventually the drumming became too much to ignore, so turning in my seat I poked Ryder in the shoulder until I managed to attract his attention.

"What the fuck is your problem?" As if the scowl wasn't evident enough in his tone, his accompanying facial expression was terrifyingly..... terrifying.

Nonetheless I was determined to actually pass calculus so I ignored the feeling of intimidation that had settled into the pit of my stomach as I replied.

"My problem is trying to pass calculus while having to sit next to a complete jerk."

His eyebrows furrowed as his glare deepened until I was internally shitting bricks. I refused to let him know how much he was intimidating me however, so I held his gaze until he flipped me off and turned away, resuming his tapping.

Fuming, I sat there furiously until then bell rang, then I grabbed my books and made my way towards my next class.

Luckily the rest of the day passed without incident, and before I knew it, the final bell had rung and I was walking with Olivia towards my locker.

"Are you up for fro-yo later? My treat." Olivia's lips curled upwards as she spoke, knowing that she'd had me at fro-yo. Frozen yoghurt was something that, unfortunately for my figure, I was unable to refuse. Thankfully I jogged frequently which prevented me from swelling to the size of a frozen yoghurt obsessed mammoth.

Nodding my agreement, I twisted the dial on my locker and pulled it open. Stuck on the inside of the door was a post it so small that I almost didn't see it. Olivia noticed it at the same moment I did, and before I could react she had snatched it from the door and was reading it intently.

"What does it say?"

Looking up sharply she folded it up and shook her head slightly.

"It's nothing important."

"Liv, give me the post it."

Shaking her head she refused to hand me the note and began backing slowly down the hallway.

"Liv, just give me the goddamn post it."

Her refusal only made me more determined to read the note, so grabbing her schoolbag, I pulled down on the strap, forcing her to grab it. Taking advantage of her momentary distraction, I grabbed the small slip of paper from her hand and unfolded it hastily.

I could hear Liv sigh behind me but I ignored her cries for me to drop the note and hastily read the messy text.

Dropping the note in confusion I backed away from it, tears suddenly clouding my vision.

"What the fuck Liv? Why would someone write that?"

Ignoring my question she drew her arms around me as we stood there in the middle of the hallway.

"I don't know Cam. Just ignore it okay? Just ignore it."

Outwardly I nodded, but inwardly I was confused beyond belief.

Dead boys can't tell tales. But that doesn't mean that I can't. Your precious Luther wasn't all that you thought he was.

How the hell was I supposed to ignore that?