"You're in love with me..."
"What if I am?"
~
If they don't find him attractive, they at least find him irresistible. That's the problem.
So is mine, I can't keep myself away from him.
Why? I have no idea.
I just love him.
~
⚠️ TW: May include vi...
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~ POV CHIARA ~
I cannot sleep, it's too hot in here. Should I go outside? I don't know, I can't leave Leyla alone, can I? My whole body is drained in sweat, the sheets wrapped around it, since it was too cold without them. Staring at the ceiling I try to let my mind rest, but it doesn't, it's flooded with toughts, about Blaise, about Hogwarts, almost everything. Even the most senseless things fill my mind right now. I look at my phone, no notification, not a single one. It's 2:00 AM. Why am I still awake? I have classes tomorrow! After I tried to fall asleep again multiple times I get up and head to the bathroom. As I look into the mirror, drops of cold water rush down my face. I sigh as the hotness seems to disappear a little and my mind seems to rest for a minute.
I decide to take a short walk. Since I'm convinced I can't sleep right now, this should be a good thing, right? I open the door of the common room heading to the hallway slowly. I didn't want to get caught by Snape, as he walks up and down the Dungeon hallways at night. I get out the door and head to an exit which leads to the middle courtyard. I look up in the sky while I sit at a tree, leaning against it. I'm tired, really bloody tired.
I've got light depression which is frustrating me more and more everyday. I can't sleep properly, I can't motivate myself for a lot of things, I'm just sick of everything and everyone sometimes. And I don't even know where it comes from... I've never had problems with my family, my friends, other students or the school in general. I was never really stressed by anything but the depression itself.
I even started smoking, but no one knows about it and I don't want to tell Leyla because she'd probably just freak out. She hates smoking... I did too, I thought it would distract me from all the problems, but it doesn't really and now I can't stop it. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm supposed to do... I love Hogwarts, I love my friends and my family, I really do, but sometimes it's just all so exhausting.
„Late Night shit, huh?", someone whispers from behind and sits down next to me. I don't even care who it is right now. I don't care about anything. „Do your friends know that you smoke?"
„No and I don't want them to know, what do you want?", I ask.
„Nothing, I was just walking by and saw you. Thought you wanted some company.", he laughs with a low, kind of dangerous laugh. „Look at me.", he demands. And I see him. Goddamnit, he's not what I need right now. Mattheo fucking Riddle.
Shivers run down my spine as I look into his deep brown eyes. „What. do. you. want?", I spat pausing before every word.
„Not so rude, Jeffries. This is our little secret."
„Oh shut up. I don't need a Riddle right now, understand? If you don't piss off right now-", I scoff but stop. He pulls up one eyebrow, looking at me confused and amused at the same time.
„Then what? Listen Jeffries, I don't like it when people tell me what to do. I actually hate it, when other people command me to do this or that. And guess what, I'm getting really angry and fucked up when I don't get what I want, so don't talk to me like that.", he seethes through his teeth.
