The Arachnoids [A Starker Rock Band AU]

8: Fading Facade

"Everything," Tony hears himself whisper. "Everything's wrong."

The second the words fall from his lips Tony knows he should've kept quiet. He's never lost control like this before. Not with anyone around, that is. His chest tightens. He can't breathe. He can't speak.
Tony lets himself sink onto the edge of the double bed and presses his palms into his thighs. He's very aware of the signals his body gives off but there's nothing he can do to stop it. Not with this damned mantra flickering in the back of his mind.

You fucked up. You fucked up. You fucked up.

"Tony?" Peter's voice pierces through the cloudy thoughts. Tony looks up warily and finds a pair of worried, deep-brown eyes searching his face. "Hey..."
"I'm alright," Tony chokes out. "Let's just sleep."
"I... Don't you wanna talk about it?"
"No." He can keep his facade up for a little while longer. He has to. 'Cause if he doesn't, who knows what might become of him?

Tony, honest to God, doesn't know what to do. All these years and no one had ever found out about Morgan before. No one has seen the many videos on his phone filled with the girl's sweet giggles and her never-ending stream of questions. No one's seen her eyes sparkle with curiosity whenever she explores something new. He still remembers what it feels like to hold her small body in his arms. Always squirmy, the little queen.
But now, Peter has seen a picture of her. Tony ponders not telling a thing. But what if that leads to Peter asking other people about it? That'd be the true disaster. Then, everyone would know.

"The kid in the picture," he whispers quietly. Peter's head perks up. "That's Morgan. Eh, my daughter."
"You have a daughter?!" Peter exclaims in surprise, his eyes wide and shocked. The boy quickly realizes what he's doing and he lowers the volume of his voice. "How...?" Even now, Tony's snarky comebacks get the better of him. Especially now.
"I'm pretty sure you know how children are conceived, space boy," Tony says, voice still painfully fragile. Peter huffs quietly.

"I mean... Does anyone know? Like-" The boy stutters, clearly trying to find the right words to not upset him. "-I've never heard of this before."
"Yeah. That's the way it should be."
"Why?"
"I don't want her to grow up, not knowing who she can or cannot trust, simply 'cause of her father's fame." Peter seems to contemplate that for a second, and somehow, the boy radiates such... serenity. Enough for Tony's legs to stop moving. For now.
"Yeah, I guess that's a good point." Peter pauses. "But... How does that tie to everything being wrong?"

Instantly, Tony's heartbeat picks up again and his fingers clench involuntarily.
"You ask too much," he breathes.
"No offense, but you keep shit to yourself too much."
"Mh-" is all that Tony answers to that. The boy is eerily perceptive. Tony sighs. He has to admit that it doesn't feel too bad talking to Peter.

"It... Doesn't tie together at all. Not really," Tony finally mumbles. God, he can't believe he's saying it out loud. "Somehow, I've developed a drug allergy for my anxiety meds. We've tried different types, but nothing works..." He scoffs. "Lucky me."
"Oh, uhm, so you've got anxiety then?"
"Yeah," Tony sighs. "My mind just... Doesn't stop. Never. Not without the meds."
"Is that why you're... y'know, eh- So tense all the time?"
"Nice choice of words," Tony laughs. "You can call me an asshole. I don't mind. I know how shitty I am - don't worry." He hates how self-loathing it sounds. But then, he does loathe himself, so where's the lie? "The anxiety's the reason Pepper keeps Morgan away from me."

"Wait what?" Peter's eyes widen. "What happened?"
"Nothing happened. I swear- I might be a wreck, but whenever Morgan is around it's different, y'know? My focus is on her. Fully." Tony breathes out. Dammit, he can't believe he's telling Peter all of this. Peter doesn't push for more, instead, he waits for Tony to keep talking. Tony sniffs. "I still have my emergency meds though. They're much stronger, not meant for daily use. They make me sleepy and foggy and unattentive. I've never taken one with Morgan there, but Pepper... She thinks it's a hazard. In her eyes, it makes me a bad father."